Smell the Flowers

Hello. I don't know why I take pictures of Peter sleeping all the time. It maybe should be that "if you've seen one cute sleeping baby, you've seen them all" so I am silly to take photos each time I come into my room and see him still sleeping and think "AWWW!!! He's so cute!" But then again, maybe a sleeping baby is like a rose in bloom. Sure, you've seen it before and will see it again, but it's still beautiful and amazing, so take time to pause and smell the roses. And take time to pause and sigh at the cute sleeping baby. Peter, I love you. He is just pure sweetness. Except for when he's not (aka yesterday) but its' ok to have a bad day now and then, especially cute babies.

I didn't smell roses today, since there aren't any yet, but I did pause to enjoy these spring beauties as I took Owen to the bus. Pretty spring flowers. 

Things (my attitude) is better today. Joseph and Hyrum left the Fiesta in Beaver. The axil broke, and they won't be able to fix it until Wednesday. There was another Moxie friend that was able to pick them up, so they're in St. George now and will be selling tomorrow, and we'll figure out how to get the fiesta home later I guess. Come what may and love it.

Babies Growing Up

I don't know why I always take pictures of Peter when he's asleep. But I did it again today. Here is my adorable little Peter this morning. 

Oh I love this little boy so much. 

"If they could just stay little..." It is a fleeting time. I gave Peter another birthday present today. His birthday has lasted a few days, and there are still a few things that I got on ebay that should be arriving. Mostly Cars Duplo things. Tonight he got a McQueen and Mater set. 

We have a duplo Mater somewhere, but I can't find his stinkin' eyes. I don't know where all these toy pieces disappear to, and I know I didn't sweep it up or throw it away, so it's gotta be around here somewhere... So I hesitate for a while to buy a replacement, but I caved and did get him this, cause it's his birthday, and cuase he loves the duplos and he loves Cars. He's easy to please. I probably buy these toys more for myself than I do for them - I like seeing them play with and love their toys. Like Owen with his Louie.

Facebook memories reminded me today of this photo from 4 years ago - Mel and Daniel baby big cheeks - I miss them both! Mel's grown and gone, and our little Daniel is no longer such a chubby little caterpillar... Oh he was so cute (and funny looking!) 

Seriously, look at that chinneck! So stinkin' adorable. At the end of that post, I also  mentioned how we had a clean house and "we'll see how long it lasts" and that has been my life. A clean house was always greeted with a "I can't believe it" gasp and also my brain trying to protect me to not get my hopes up for it actually lasting any length of time. And it never did. But I am blaming it all on my food brain. I've been cleaning up more and more everyday and the house is so amazingly clean and orderly right now, but I'm not thinking "I can't believe it" but now I'm thinking "Well of course it is clean! Cause I'm amazing and I'm working hard, and I like doing hard things!" Laura's podcast #33 "You Actually Like Doing Hard Things" was one of the many great listens this week. So yeah, things are still going so great. Today I even got in a good hour of scriptures study. I took up Sister Nelson's challenge and started with prayer and a question, and I found guidance. I was wondering what we could do to help Wes. Despite several D grades last year, and two F grades last term, he's on track to get 3 F's this term and Corey and I are both at a loss. Like I told him we'd buy him air pod pros if he got a 4.0, and I believe it is possible, but he doesn't. He just hasn't figured out how to play the game. Maybe we need to start with something more believeable for his brain. Like instead of "I am a straight A student" we should start with "I can get As." Right now though he is failing. Literally failing. But guess who else failed? Joseph Smith!! I read Doctrine and Covenants 3 this morning, and listened to awesome podcasts about it too - Talking Scriptures Episode 87, (awesome show notes and that picture at the top when Joseph hit bottom after learning that the manuscript had been lost) - like Wesley failing several of his classes is too bad, kinda stupid, but he will learn something from this just like Joseph Smith did. Wes will have a second chance. We've discussed credit recovery or him doing 10th grade over again. So we'll see. There is a way through. It's going to be hard, but it will be ok. Whatever we are facing, it is going to be ok.

A few pictures from yesterday - Lily has been hard at work making miniature lego creations for the little Disney characters that they got in their Lego Storybook sets. 

I have 4 of those new sets tucked away in my closet for when I'm a grandma. I think they are just so cute and I like how they close up to be put away on a shelf as a little "book"... so I think they're a perfect toy for grandkids to play with at Grandma's house someday in the future. Maybe I'll have Lily set up a whole little lego world for her future nieces and nephews. She'll probably still be around. Hopefully she won't outgrow her lego creativity.

Hyrum is almost all grown up and independent and outta here. Last night he left for Bear Lake with Joseph and other pest control selling boys for a team building Moxie retreat and ski weekend. 

He wears Corey's size 11 boots. My little boys are turning into grown men!

I know I don't really want them to stay little. I want them to grow up and learn and progress and become amazing and overcome their challenges and fears, but I still miss my babies and toddlers. I'm glad I still have a few underfoot, like these cuties. 

Natalie was leading out in a game of pirates tonight. Babyhood and childhood really are magical. I hope that grandparenthood really is as amazing as motherhood, cause I love being a mother and I don't want to be jealous that I'm not the mom anymore when I'm the grandma. I guess I've liked being needed, and I like knowing that I am the one that is needed, like when the baby has to nurse. Sure, it's exhausting, and right now I guess I'm ok that it's over, but it's bittersweet. I'm grateful for my belief that I will continue to be a wife and mother for all eternity. 💓

Not Viable

Yesterday I had a doctor appointment with my OBGYN, Dr. Smith, who has delivered 10 of our children. I went in because we were expecting, but it most likely looks like we're not anymore. My younger sister Patrice told us how my mom miscarried at 20 weeks, a baby that would have been between Patrice and Beka, and that my mom was glad to have baby Patrice to hold for comfort. I've been feeling that way, and loved holding Peter last night. He actually woke up and 4:00 am and wanted cereal and so we went down and I gave him cereal and made oatmeal for the other kids. We went back to bed around 6 am. I am glad I have a baby to hold. Yeah, he's almost 2, but he's still my baby, and babies are magic.

So this was to be my first dr. appointment. I usually don't go in this early, but I started feeling sick at 6 weeks, and morning sickness usually doesn't hit me until week 7 1/2. That's been pretty consistent with each pregnancy. Also, I didn't think I should be feeling ill because I already started taking my trace minerals (morning sickness miracle!), so I thought I had a step up on it. I honestly thought and was praying that it would be twins (cause I'm crazy and think we are supposed to have 2 more children #lucky14, end of this post) but there weren't twins. There was a sack, but there wasn't a baby or a heartbeat. There was a little growth of something small in the ultrasound, but it looked too small, so Dr. Smith had me go over for another ultrasound in a different office and then a vaginal ultrasound and both of those verified it was only 5 or 6 week size when it should have been 8 weeks, and the vag ultrasound showed no blood flow, so yeah, looks like this little one has miscarried. So that is sad and I let myself cry a few times to my sisters, and I'm sure I'll cry again and more later, but today I'm doing ok and I sought some more help and support from family and friends. I texted a few neighborhood friends, called Corey's mom and talked to sister who has had a d&c. I also posted on facebook as I try to decide whether to miscarry naturally or go in for a D&C. Here are some helpful thoughts from my friends via facebook that I'll ponder as we decide how to go forward:

________________________________

"So personal question - we were expecting, 8 weeks along yesterday, but at my first appointment the baby was only 6 week size and there was no heartbeat, they did 3 ultrasounds and it looks like it's miscarried. I'm going in for another blood draw tomorrow to verify the miscarriage, but I was hoping if any of you could share with me your experience, if you've had one, of waiting to miscarry naturally or going in for a d&c surgery as I'm trying to decide what to do. Private message me if you prefer that. Thank you thank you

Comments: 

SheaLynn: I am so sorry for your loss. I lost one at that time and did it all naturally. It was unpleasant but I’ve heard that the D&C is often worse. I’m glad I just did it myself

Débora - Hi. I'm really sorry for your loss.. It happend to me too.. In my case, I had to go to d&c.. the doctor told me at the time that I could not wait.. the truth is that it was a very traumatic experience.. If the doctor says that you can wait, I believe that is best option

Gabriela - I’m so sorry for your lost. There’re no words that will make the pain go away, only time will help heal the wound. I also had a miscarriage with my second baby. Baby stopped developing with 6w, I found out when I was 9w and only started bleeding when I… See More

 · Reply · Thank you Gabriela! ❤ I've had one other miscarriage and yours sounds like my first experience in that I didn't know it had miscarried until I started bleeding at 10 weeks. Thank you for sharing

Cyndi - I'm so sorry Tiffany. Even when they are tiny, the hope, love, and joy of a new baby are already there. I lost a baby at 5 weeks and it seemed like a heavy period, definitely a lot more cramping and pain. It was more emotionally taxing since it was after my stillborn son. My next loss was at 13 weeks. We had seen the baby a couple of times and the heartbeat was strong and growth was on track. Then I started spotting. The baby's heart had stopped in just the last day or so. It was the day before my birthday and my doctor didn't want me to have a D & C on my birthday (a Friday) so he scheduled it for the next Monday. I ended up cramping and having contractions and going into labor myself on Sunday. I delivered my baby at home. It took me a few days to finally get through the whole process. It was very traumatic but one thing that was a blessing was seeing how perfect my little boy was...a tiny perfectly formed, already feet loved miracle. I don't know if the D & C would have been less traumatic, but I was grateful for how it happened. My heart and prayers will be with you. Please feel free to message me with any questions. ❤️

Monique - I’m sorry for your loss 😞 it’s a hard experience. It could take up to another week to naturally miscarry. My miscarriage was at 11 weeks and the baby was about 8 weeks size. I’m glad that it happened naturally rather than having a procedure done, and that’s what I would prefer, however my bleeding was very heavy when it happened, and I had to go to the ER to get it under control, which was unpleasant, sitting in the ER bleeding heavily onto a chair while I waited to be admitted. If you go in for a D and C, then you’ll already be admitted and bleeding can be controlled. However I didn’t know any herbs to control bleeding at the time and wish I had. Later a friend told me if I had taken cayenne and shepherds purse at home when it happened I wouldn’t have bled heavily. It depends on how comfortable you are with herb treatment. It wasn’t terribly painful, just a very emotional experience and concerning with the bleeding. What is the doctor recommending?

 · Reply - He said it's totally up to us, so yeah I'm trying to feel out what is best. I've had one miscarriage before, I didn't know until I started to bleed and we were living abroad so I never went to a doctor but thankfully everything was ok, it was just like a heavy period with clots. I'll check out taking herbs, thank you!

 · Monique okay - if he thinks it safe to wait for it to happen naturally that would probably be the best choice, especially if you’ve gone through it before...

Sonia - Passei 2 vezes por aborto espontâneo, Acredito ser natural e não fazer a cirurgia, Sinto muito... 💕

Jansi - Lo siento mucho😭. A mi me pasó en la semana 12... me recomendaron esperar para que fuera natural... pasaron como 2 semanas fue natural pero igual tuvieron que hacer una intervención. Ánimo y un fuerte abrazo.💞

Lisa - I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending love and prayers. ❤

Kiera - Msged you. So sorry for your loss.

Malerie - I’m really sorry. This is such a difficult thing to go through. My situation was very similar to yours. No increase in size and no heartbeat at my next appointment at around 9 weeks. I debated about what to do. Several close friends said they went ahead naturally and it was really difficult. Some said they ended up having to go in for surgery anyway because their body hadn’t completely taken care of everything. My body didn’t ever take care of it naturally and I went ahead with the d&c. Everything went smoothly and for me it felt easier to plan, make an appt, etc then waiting and experiencing it on my own. It’s very personal though and it’s a really difficult thing for your mind and body to endure. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you. 😘

 · Reply - Thanks Malerie ❤ How long after the 9 week appointment did you go in? Also, any chance you remember the cost from your dr and the hospital? The earliest it could be for us is next Tuesday, and with a new year comes a new deductible so we'll be paying the bills, which is one reason I'm leaning toward waiting for maybe 2 weeks

Malerie - Tiffanie, mine was in January, too. 😞 it was a week and a half after my appt that I went in for surgery. I remember my doc saying that it was fine to wait a bit. It was a long week.

I looked back and my whole hospital bill was about $3900 without insurance. That included surgery, labs, diagnostic testing, etc....

Therese - Oh Tiffanie I'm so very sorry 

Diana - I'm sorry. Miscarriages are so difficult. I passed mine at home naturally and it was horrific. I ended up at the ER because I was bleeding so heavy with huge clots. They gave me morphine and got some of the tissue out. I followed up with my ob/gyn the next day. I still had tissue inside and he was able to get it out in the office. I would have a d&c if I had to make the choice again.

Alisa - I am so sorry. Miscarriages are so painful. It is a loss that needs to be acknowledged and felt. I'm glad you are doing that. I definitely recommend the procedure. Living, knowing that your child has died inside of you, and is still there, is very hard. It's sad. Heartbreaking. A miscarriage is heartbreaking enough without prolonging the pain.

Laura - I'm so sorry for your lost. I went to that 2 times. One in an earlier stage and another with a full term pregnancy (week before due date). I chose natural way for both of them. Even though it is a hard emotional experience, that gave me more time to understand and mourn it. But that is a personal choice. Not everybody needs the same outcome. Love you.

 · Reply ·Thank you Laura ❤ I especially liked your last comment that we don't all need the same outcome. I appreciate all these thoughts helping me to ponder what will be best for us. Thank you! I don't remember knowing that you miscarried so late, but man, a week before the due date... I can hardly imagine, that would have been so hard! 😭

 · Laura it was. People told me to just get ride of the trauma as soon as possible. But I knew I had to go all way. Not knowing when that would happen. Knowing that I had a dead child inside me. I connected with my body, I embraced the bitterness, and accepted what I was going through. In that very moment I released the child. I was so prepared! That was my way to process it. That moment is unique, like every deliver is. Whatever your instinct, your soul tells you to do, do it. Follow your prompts. Use this experience to connect with yourself and the wisdom there is in you.

 ·  THANK YOU. That is powerful advice. I'll follow that and seek lots of quiet pondering this week. (well... as much as I can with all the kids at home!)

Elizabeth (friend from US that we met in Chile) - I had 5 miscarriages and am sorry you are having this sad experience. 3 of mine warranted a d and c and I would honestly recommend that over letting nature take its course. It’s a relatively minor procedure and better to be in a controlled environment. My last one at home was pretty scary and I ended up in an ambulance.

 · Reply - Thank you Elizabeth ❤ I was thinking of you yesterday, remembering you had been through this many times. Thank you for commenting.

Heidi - Tiffany, I am sorry to hear of this. I experienced this very thing in between my daughter and my son. I went in for a 10 week appointment and there was no heart beat. I actually began miscarrying at the doctrs office. I was sent home to finish naturally, but I began hemorrhaging and passing large blood clots. I ended up having to have a d&c. I welcomed the medical intervention as I had lost a lot of blood and the experience at home was somewhat traumatic. I am so sorry for you. It is so hard on a mothers heart. I felt a great loss with that baby. I had already begun bonding and dreaming of holding that baby in my arms. Hugs to you and Corey 🙏 ❤ 

Stephanie - I’m sorry

Holly - I'm sorry! I've had 2 miscarriages. One at 6 weeks and one at 10. The one at 6 weeks happened in the shower then was like a heavy period. The one at 10 weeks was a little more traumatic for me. I was at church and ran to the bathroom. The blood was everywhere. The emotions and cramps lasted a a lot longer.

Kaylene - I had a very similar experience I’ll DM you. I chose d&c and recovery was not bad.

Rachel - I’m so sorry!!

Rebecca - I am so sorry Tiffanie! Thinking about you and your family today ❤️❤️ You are a strong mama!!

Katie - So sorry! It’s hard at even just a few weeks along. Mine naturally delivered at about the same time along in the pregnancy which went smoothly at home so I can’t speak to a d&c.

______________________________

I'm sure there will be more advice in the coming days, but that was great for now. After reading all of those and other private messages sent to me, and after talking with family and friends, I am just feeling really grateful and supported right now. It is hard, and it's ok to cry and mourn and I will. I will let the tears come if and when they need to. I'm kicking myself that I didn't seem to record my miscarriage in Costa Rica, so now as I'm trying to remember what happened that time, I've only got 10 year old memory to go off of, and that's not very reliable. I can't find if I put it in a journal anywhere. But I remember it was in October 2010, I was 10 weeks. I think that is what this one will probably be. I'm really grateful that it miscarried so early on, I think it would be harder the more time put in to the pregnancy. Did you read Laura's experience above?!? - miscarried at 39 weeks... I seriously would bawl my eyes out for a month. We all face our trials in different ways, but we can face them. There are many people who are here to help us, and God is willing to help and comfort us too.

Skiing at Snowbird

Corey took kids skiing today - I stayed home with Peter and JHWALSNOD all went. 

Here's one video - I'll see if I can get more photos and videos from Corey and Joseph, who were the main historians of this event.

They were at Snowbird for the whole ski day, and Corey said it was magical. I would have gone, but Snowbird doesn't allow babies in back packs, so Peter wouldn't have been able to be in the carrier. We'll try another day at Alta for you, Peter. So he and I stayed home. He had donuts for lunch. And I made a big pot of chili for my skiers to eat after they returned home. 

One fun thing - Joseph drove the van, and in the process discovered that our van might indeed have 4 wheel drive! He discovered a button on the gear selector stick. So that's good to know, we'll give it a try, although we won't get to for New Years this year cause there isn't a new years Party this year cause of covid. So sad. We're finally prepared with Corey's 4 wheel drive and now possibly a van with 4wd, but no need to use them for the cabin. Here are a few photos that Joseph took - Corey and D

Abi made a note to self: wear waterproof mascara next time.

Sophi, Wes, and Joseph, taking the aerial tram to the top of Hidden Peak - 

Quite a view!

They told me that there was this one hill and somehow Sophi fell but kept sliding down backwards, like she was lying down backwards but her skis were down and she just kept going down - Joseph got this photo of her when she finally stopped - Wes on his way to assess the damage.

She had some snow down her hood but other than that, she was in good spirits and excited to tell everyone of her backwards downhill adventure.

When they walked in from skiing, the first thing I noticed was Abi's eyes. Her mascara ran, funny. Joseph teased her that she looked like the matchmaker from Mulan the whole time. "You will never bring your family honor!!!"

They all unloaded, Corey put away all the skiing gear, he's been very organized. I washed everyone's long underwear. They ate potatoes and chili. Most Christmas Eve's are my chance to put the kid's "IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!" energy to good use and have them clean the house. I was going to try that today, but they had already put in so much work skiing, so we just lazed. We watched A Christmas Story...

..and then we watched Elf...and it was fun. 

We had a zoom with Corey's family for the Wride Christmas Eve gathering, which wasn't the same for the kids as the usual party, but what ya gonna do. It's Rona's fault. It was still good. The kids played musical numbers, Daniel sang for us which was super funny (Corey got a video, I'll try to upload it later), we played Christmas Bingo, and the kids gathered to sleep under the tree. Corey is tuckered out, so I'm going to go put Peter to bed and will set an alarm for 2:30 to put out the gifts. 

Update: At 3:10 am I finished and we were ready for Christmas morning. As for how the rest of Christmas Eve went, Peter would NOT go to sleep, I don't know when he gave up, but I left his room at 1 am and went to bed in my bed... then my 2:30 alarm woke me up... 

Corey did a great job wrapping this year. We were talking with the kids earlier this week about the Christmas last year, with hardly any presents and ugly wrapping paper, it was funny to relive it. I guess it's good that Corey went over the top this year. He usually goes to wrap at his parents house where the kids won't see, but he wrapped all the gifts here at home in his office this year, cause we bought lots of bins at Costco and sealed them up with little cable ties to keep nosy kids out. The ties were loud when I cut them... I didn't go looking for scissors, I used a kitchen knife. 

They snapped pretty loud, but I didn't really care, I'm not pretending that I'm Santa. They know it's their mom. I finished at 3 - I heard the kids a few times, as they had alarms set for 3, crazy kids... 

Yeah Corey did a good job, this looks alot better than last year

Then it was time for me to go back to bed, trusting it will be a good Christmas tomorrow. 

Done Nursing

Here is the Wride weekend report -  

Yesterday morning when I went downstairs to make my daily pot of steel cut oatmeal for the family, and it was noticeably much colder than upstairs. I went to check the thermostat. It was set at 68, but the temp was 63. When I got it tuned in October, he told me that something was almost worn out, and asked if I wanted them to fix it or just run it till it broke. I said we'd run it till it broke, and today was the day. I guess I hoped it'd last a little longer, whatever it was that he said it was. Oh well. They're coming to fix it Monday. We are now all wearing jackets cause it's cold, and especially shoes, cause the floor is so cold! I think the air ducts warming up the floor from underneath is just as important to house warming as the air that comes through the vents. 

Let's see - most of the kids didn't practice yesterday, Sophi and Natalie didn't practice at all this week. :( that's sad. I need to learn how to help them manage themselves. We've started to get treats from the neighbors and I ate more than my fair share of the ferrero balls that Gonzales gave us last night (...and Pepperidge cookies from Chandlers.) I need to fix my mindset. I read this quote from an Oprah article article, not sure how I stumbled up on it, but it was good:

"The way we eat reflects the way we think, and the way [we] think keeps making [us] fat. The same is true for other failed dieters. Every time we drop weight without changing our psychology, we may be changing our brains so that we become more prone to overeating. The only way to beat the relapse syndrome is to both eat and think differently."

Corey went shopping at Costco and Scheels yesterday. He got lots of goodies and gifts, most of which were for our dinner guest tonight, Father David. He was up in SL and asked if he could come by for a visit. It was very nice and Corey and I are a good team. He cooked while I chatted with my aunt Judy who I said I'd call today. Then I came down and finished the salmon while Corey helped the kids play musical pieces for Father David. Then we ate, it was a good feast - salmon, potatoes, salad, and a big ol' pot of barley soup. At 6:15 a neighbor knocked on the door - a package Corey ordered had been delivered to their house across the street. I could tell is was the large print Corey ordered of the Tree of Life for Iveth and Diego. Corey continued to entertain Father D while I went up stairs to wrap the print and 3 other gifts Corey had gotten for their kids. Corey also got a Christus statue for Father D and a book of Saints. I think they're not opening it until Christmas, but they don't read this blog (pretty sure) so I'm not letting the cat out of the bag by sharing that here. Corey told Father David that he will send a text with an explanation for his gifts. He's been looking for that particular photo for Iveth and Diego for over a year, but since their Catholic, and the painting is from a Book of Mormon vision, it might not make a lot of since, so yeah, hopefully Corey will get that text to them to explain his thinking. He also said he needs to find an article or video that he listened to that was talking about how hard it is to start a new religion, and that is going to provide some context for the Saints book. 

Here are some sweet pictures of Peter this morning. 

So big news about this little man - He is no longer nursing. Corey has taken over putting him to bed at night and Peter has not nursed for 4 days. Corey suggested on Monday that it's time Peter learn to go to sleep on his own. So now, when it's time for bed, I top Peter off with a bowl of cereal or a banana, change his diaper, help him and Daniel brush their teeth, and then Corey goes with them into their room and stays in there until they accept the inevitable and go to sleep. Corey reads until they are in bed, and I am able to blog or read in our room. So it's working out really well. Corey put him to bed for the first time on Tuesday the 15th, and Peter slept through the night that time. I nursed him the last time on the morning of the 16th. So I nursed this little guy for 23 MONTHS! That is the longest I've nursed any of my babies, crazy. Peter kinda got his own bed in September, but he was also kind of a floater and he and I slept on our floor most nights. Starting in October, it became the boys room, and then I slept in there with Peter on his bed. Owen was with us for a few days but opted to go back with Hyrum and Wes. Joseph sleeps on the middle bunk in there now when he's home, with Daniel on top, and Peter on bottom. I've probably slept in there with Peter more than I've slept in my own bed, so yeah, it was time to bring and end to the madness. Of course, Peter now wakes up and then comes into our room. I am not nursing him though, I just hug him and he lays on my chest and he goes back to sleep. Sometimes I'm able to sneak away, other times I'm stuck, like I was this morning - as he was asleep on my legs.

One leg out... maybe I can get free!

And here's a video that I took of him yesterday as he contemplated this new nurse-less life. His main take away seems to be "No." 

He doesn't like it maybe, but he's doing great. Today was our Christmas program at church. It wasn't he usual choirs, and the congregation is still not allowed to sing, but there was a singing musical number which was nice, and then two other piano and organ pieces. Abi spoke at church and did a good job, and Corey called as a Sunday School counselor. At home, to further Corey's attempt to pique Abi's interest in Jane Austen, we watched Pride and Prejudice. Kinda good for history and culture lesson I guess, which is one of the things we try to do on Sundays - Spiritual, History, and Culture lessons. It's still cold on the main floor, furnace should be fixed tomorrow. We kept the oven on for a bit today to try to heat up the room. We talked on zoom to Shelina and her two cute kids Alan and Naira. Have I mentioned her, she is someone that Ethan is teaching in Leon Mexico. Corey met her through reaching out over WhatsApp to her when she started texting us, after we tried to text Iveth. Iveth cancelled her Leon phone number and we were trying to text her, but instead were testing Shelina, we all started talking/texting, and she and her kids are planning on being baptized soon! Her daughter Naira and Lily are seriously twins. I'll have to get a photo of them side by side on the zoom screen, it's really fun and crazy! Natalie playing with Peter tonight, making a nest around him, ha.

I got a good Polo from Nicole tonight too. She shared about her clutter, and I can relate. I want to simplify and I want less stuff. We'll work on that after Christmas I guess... At 10pm - Corey and I went over the spread sheet he's made with Christmas gifts. There are just a few more things we need to get tomorrow, and I'm thinking about what our policy might be on what we gift older kids in college. We might go the Helen Wride route and just start to hand out cash. Ok, that's all for tonight, thank you Corey for putting Peter to bed! I get to blog, maybe I can catch up soon and will be able to stay caught up!

Bullet Journals

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time to try and catch up on life. The kids practiced today, did homework, and I did laundry, ran some errands, and I caught up on Marco Polo messages. There is a new group on my polo for Lily and Sophi - it's an "activity days" group for the primary girls. Using Marco Polo for it is a new idea to help them keep at it during this time of social distancing. The plan is to give an assignment and have all the girls try and do it during the week and then have a new activity the next week, etc. This past week, they challenged them to keep a bullet journal. I was totally impressed by the bullet journals that the Powley's are keeping! The Powley's gave the activity this week and I was inspired. I want the girls to keep journals. Sure I keep the blog for our family, but they should start to get in the habit of writing down their own thoughts and memories, cause a lot of things happen to them that I don't know about and that don't make it here. I have kept journals for years, and it's important. I brought up my journals from downstairs for some show and tell. 

My journals from 8 years old, high school, college, mission, and a few years of marriage are on the left there, and my planners and calendars are on the right. The Powley's bullet journals looked like they are a creative outlet artistic planner/calendar/journal all in one. I might make the transition to that this next summer when my current academic planner ends, we'll see. I like the idea of writing down the bullet points from each day - kinda like writing down my Wins that I used to do with Holly. The girls hadn't listened to the Activity Days polo yet, but I was prepping to make sure they were inspired too. One problem I have is that I tried to keep too many different journals for: Sunday notes, Study group notes, planner, EJC notes and challenges, workout notes, etc - like I have over a dozen notebooks for different things and none of them are used right now cause I'm not organized. I spent part of the day collecting all of them onto a shelf in my closet, and I'm not sure what I'll do yet - I might rip out pages I've written on if I'm not doing it anymore and use it for something else, or maybe I'll keep what's been recorded but just use them all for future bullet journals. It's ok if they aren't uniform. My journals started as 3 ring binders - just what my mom was able to put together to get me started. The first entry in my red 3 ring binder journal is from the day I was baptized, and was half written my my mother. Junior high moved onto the teal binder, and then for years I've used the hard bound 8x10 journals from Deseret Book that they still sell. I have 2 of those right now that are both half written in. Anyway, it was fun to talk to the girls about it. I read them some of my journal entries, like of when I was on a date with Corey after my mission, and we went by Deseret Book and I got the blue journal and had "Tiffanie Wride" engraved on it even though Corey hadn't proposed yet, haha, I recorded that Corey called it "a relationship defining moment"! Also the first date we went on after I was released from being a missionary and we went down to temple square and had an amazing moment when President Hinckley came in to thank and encourage a youth symphony on their upcoming Christmas concert, and then the conductor persuade him to take the conductors baton and direct the choir and orchestra in Handel's Hallelujah chorus, it was so fun, and I'm glad I wrote down what happened, cause if I hadn't, I wouldn't remember as much about it. So - moral of the story - Sophi: keep your journal, cause you're not going to remember what your life as a 9 year old was like! Lily: write in your journal, cause 30 year old Lily is not going to remember how 11 year old Lily felt about things. I gave them all a task to write about Thanksgiving and about our Trip to Hawaii and then I went and got some journals at Walmart for them to use. And fun stickers, pens, etc. :)

ALSO, when I was out, I first went by Dollar Tree for stickers and a few things, and on my way to Walmart after that, I passed the DI, and I thought I'd just run in real quick to look at snowpants, cause yesterday we didn't really have enough big snow pants for the big kids - Joseph Hyrum Wesley and Abi. It helped that Abi didn't go skiing, but I knew we needed a few more big kid snow pants options. Plus I still didn't have any snowpants yet (I had officially donated my old ones from when we volunteered for the 2002 Olympics to Hyrum) and I had to ask a lady where they were - they're with the coats. I looked through the women's coats and found one pair. Then I looked at the boys coats, then I totally hit the jackpot over at the Mens section!! I FOUND very nice snowpants, that were brand stikin' new for $10!!! Originally $225!!!! The ski sale at Ski N See can't beat that deal!! And I tried them on at home and they ALMOST fit me perfectly, they fit Abi great. They'll fit me after I stop nursing Peter and finally lose this baby weight, but yay, I was so excited!! What an over the top blessing!!! Hawaii was over the top, this was another over the top, wow! Thank you Heavenly Father!! 

What are the chances of finding snow pants that are such good quality and that are my size when I happen to run in to look? And they are black and match my black coat and my red and black coat perfectly well. Pretty amazing. I don't believe in the prosperity gospel, but I do believe that God helps us when we are doing our best to help ourselves and others.  

And then we had another fun surprise on date night. We called in and ordered food for Corey at Blue Lemon. I decided to skip spending $ on an entre because I was working on the left over arugula salad from Thanksgiving that needed to be eaten before it went bad. We picked up Corey's order, then were driving away when they called - they had given us the wrong order. No problem, we said we hadn't touched it and could turn around and bring it back. She said "No, you can keep it, but we will have your correct order here ready for you." So we went back and they gave us Corey's fish tacos order, and the order we got that wasn't ours was a delicious sandwich and pear salad, something I probably would have ordered, so I did end up getting a delicious meal anyway!

AND they gave us two desserts to say sorry for messing up. Like, what's up with all these blessings? Hawaii, great snowpants, an extra date night dinner and dessert? It has seemed today like God's showing off a little bit. He does go over the top in a lot of ways, huh? Like all the amazing kinds of flowers, pink sunsets, the incredible variety of weather and what happens in each season, not to mention the miracle of life, babies, the human eye, hands, heart, breain - how everything works and we get to live and think and experience it all. Maybe the Give Thanks challenge of President Nelson is having an effect on my thinking, or maybe there really are just miracles and blessings all around us everyday, if we just pause to notice them. And sometimes God is really obvious so we can't miss it. I have seen his hand blessing my life today. Thank you Heavenly Father. These are important things to record in my journal! I'm going to try and keep a personal journal more now, even though for the past few years this blog has been my main source of recorded memories. But there are things I'd write for myself that I don't put here, more of my feelings and stuff. So yeah, keep a journal and write your story and with eyes to see, we will be able to look back and recognize all the ways God helps and blesses us everyday. GIVE THANKS!!

Unpacking

Hey there. Just a short entry for today. We're back, and Hawaii was just a dream. Now Thanksgiving is upon us. We were going to all get together with Corey's family in Park City, but we are following the urgings of our government leaders to not gather as family and that's ok. So it will just be us at home tomorrow with a home cooked meal. My mom is an angel and stocked our fridges and freezers on Tuesday, AND brought us by Costa Vida for dinner, so we had a meal ready for us and all the shopping done for Thanksgiving. Turkey, potatoes, pies, she got it all. I ran out today for whipped cream and ice cream and gravy packets, but other than that we're covered. Thanks Mom, I hope to be as kind and helpful to my children someday. 

We were talking with Abi tonight about her crush, about relationships, about how things change. Corey told the kids, kinda jokingly, that he felt like he got the bait and switch with me - like I was all about Corey Corey Corey during dating and our courtship, then once I had him, it switched to babies babies babies. I admit, the desire for children came upon me like a switch, and it was unexpected. Kinda like playing violin. I don't know where it came from, but, like my developing violin talent (ha), children also are a good and worthy thing to desire. We'll be glad in the long run, sweetie! And I know you're glad now too. I know it is hard and a lot of work, but it is doable and it is worth it. They are turning into great adults. I picked up Joseph this morning from Frontrunner. It's nice that he will be able to be with us over Thanksgiving. I haven't done much prep work for the meal, I'll do it tomorrow. We're trying to find out where the kids stand on homework before they go back on Monday. Also trying to get them practicing again. We slacked a little bit in Hawaii. We have a lot to unpack and put away. There is a mess everywhere, and that's to be expected, and it's ok. (Trying to channel my Fred Rogers). There's lots of laundry. This is the opposition that comes after a nice vacation. The kids aren't in the mood to help me clean, and I'm not really in the mood to clean either. And that's ok. Corey'd like to take them skiing tomorrow. Right now (7:24pm) we are not on target to have the house clean any time soon, and I'm not in the mood to cook a big meal in a messy kitchen, and that's ok, so we'll just see what happens. Maybe my mood will change by tomorrow and I'll have the spirit of service and gratitude. 

Making Their Mark

Owen and Daniel wrote in my scriptures recently. It's nothing too horrible yet. No pages have been ripped out so that's good. 

Owen just circled 22 a few times in 1 Nephi and Alma, which was pretty adorable.

Daniel practiced his ABCs in the margins of Micah and Nahum

I really shouldn't leave my scriptures laying around. I need to remember to put them up and away every time I get interrupted, even if I think I'm going to be right back. 

They've also vandalized every month of my academic planner. Not a big deal, cause I'll be getting a new one next July. I can deal with their scribbles until then. But the scriptures, I am going to do my best to keep this one all in one piece and maybe it will out last my babies. Peter has been doing really well sleeping in his room. He wakes up and plays with his trains or looks at a book, aw!

He does great until he sees me. Then he starts nagging for "nana" = "night night" = nurse me and snuggle with me. Here he is asking nicely for nana...

I'll try to just snuggle and kiss him, but then he gets mean cause I'm not giving him nana.

Sorry buddy, I'm trying to cut back. So hard being a baby. I often tell Peter, "You know, when Joseph was your age, he was the man of the house and had a 6 month old baby sister and he wasn't getting nana... you've been a bit spoiled" Joseph and Mel are 11 months apart. Owen got booted out of his "baby" seat too - he and Daniel are just 14 months apart. Peter Peter, what a baby. He really likes cars and if he catches me or anyone at the computer or on our phones, he'll come up and say "car" and we have to show him pictures of cars. Today he and I watched a video of the top 10 crazy conceptions of cars and that was pretty fun. I can see why he likes cars. Some of those are just not practical though, and I would never get them while living in this fallen mortal world. I'll get one in the next life, trusting that it can't get stained or ruined. I'm sure angels and celestial beings move faster without cars

I did a Costco run to SL today, cause that is the only place with ricemilk. I stocked up on that and a lot of other things - I think we're set until we leave for Hawaii, if that ends up really happening!

I was sneaking out and Owen saw me, and he didn't have coat or shoes, but lucky for him there was a jacket in the garage and Natalie left her boots in the car, so yay let's go. We're set until Hawaii and for a few meals after we get back, and I'll probably make one more run right before we got to get things there, or maybe I'll run to Costco in Las Vegas? I don't know. I hope we are actually able to go. We'll see how crazy things get next week with any election fall out.

Owen 22

At the elementary school, in most all of the classes, each child is assigned a number. This is true for Owen in his kindergarten class. (O waiting for the bus on 9/23, they like to stand on the rock when they get to the bus stop. It's part of the waiting for the bus tradition.)

Owen's class number is 22. And he is very proud of his number. Two weeks ago (9/24), I was studying in my General Conference notebook, and thankfully that was a book that was ok for kids to mess up, because when Owen found page 22....

...he wrote his name to officially claim it as his territory. 

He will pick up any book and if he finds a "22" he is so excited! Or if we are reading a chapter 22 or verse 22 during scriptures, he comes up and points at it up on the screen "Mom! It's my 22!" Yep! You're Owen 22! 

I've been getting a real kick out of finding little drawings all over the house with his name and number on them. Owen 22...

Another "Owen 22" name and self portrait.

In case anyone doesn't know, Owen's number is 22. It is more important to him than his last name. It is super fun and cute. 

I think this one was one of his first self portraits.

Here is another one of his first papers - from September 1st. 

He has really been learning so much so fast! They have a little ABC stencil that I bought years ago - from a set of 6 stencils that I bought at a Tupperware party in like 2003 (I know I bought them when we were at the pink house, where we lived from 2000 - 2004) They little boys all work on their ABCs with it - 

And then I got a kick out of Owen doing his ABCs freestyle. That's a big improvement in one month, huh! It's so fun to watch them learn and grow.

Daniel's been drawing a lot too - he found Joseph's spiral school notebook and started drawing in it. Here is another picture he drew in there with Joseph's fire pen of these little cars "having a race". 

I think Peter helped him with the other scribbles on that page, judging by his work here. 

Those were the three papers from Joseph's book that they drew on. I left them in Joseph's book, so he could smile when he finds them, and thus why they are documented here. I love your drawing, Daniel and Peter! So, the kids are busy with drawing and writing lots of stuff. I've been cleaning up a lot of paper. and as I was cleaning up, I also found this treasure! 

 

"Dear Owen perits your son Owen is haveing a hard time cochichrating" ha!! So cute! So funny "Dear Owen's parents. Your son Owen is having a hard time concentrating." haha, I thought that was so funny. This one is a scrapbook keeper. I asked Natalie about it, if that was a note from her to Corey and I? Like maybe she thought Owen was being noisy during scriptures and so she decided to write us a note. But she said it was actually from when she and Owen were playing school, and she wrote it as his pretend teacher to his pretend parent. I got a real kick out of it, so funny!

One other note (for those that actually read my posts and don't just look at the pictures) - so, in August I was like a week overdue for my period, and I was sure I was pregnant, and then I started. I don't know why I was a week late, but I thought that was annoying. I took a few dollar store preg tests in Aug, and they all said neg, but then I still didn't start my period, and I read online that the dollar store ones aren't able to detect small levels of hcg, so they kinda won't work until after a week, but I was sure we were pregnant, the baby was going to be due in April, and then my period started while we were at Bear Lake and I wasn't prepared and I had to go buy stuff. This time, I was supposed to start on Saturday, and on Monday morning, I decided I didn't want to have a week of wondering. So I walked down to Smiths before school to buy an first response pregnancy test. And they were locked up in the pharmacy, which didn't open until 9. Annoying, And Walgreens across the street was closed until 8am. It was 7:30, annoying. Ok fine, so I walked home. When I got home, the elementary girls decided they didn't feel well, so I said ok and they stayed home, which meant I didn't have to stay to get them out the door, so then I drove down to Walgreens (cause it was past 8am now) and I bought a test. Stupid expensive, but atleast I would know. There were two tests, one regular test and one digital. I took the regular one, there was kinda a line, but maybe not, ugh, stupid. After I took the test, I read the instructions and realized I might not have done it right. Not that it's complicated, but the test instructions made it seem like if you don't do it for EXACTLY 5 seconds, you'll mess up the results. So, I took the second one this morning, and followed the rules and times exactly and very carefully and...

So I was like wow! I guess I can give up relax about these last 20 pounds that refuse to budge. I googled a pregnancy calendar and found out the baby would be due June 11, 2021. If I plan for 9 months of pregnancy then a year of nursing... maybe I'll get my body back in June 2022. I decided to tell Corey about it this morning. Are you ready for another joyful burden, my love? I think we both handled the idea of even more responsibility very well. I marked each week in my academic calendar, we decided we'd tell the kids at Christmas, and mulled over other ideas like that, and then after dinner... my period started. 😶 So... apparently that pregnancy test was incorrect. I was a little confused, but ok... I know I have nothing to be sad about - its' not like I haven't already been blessed with twelve babies. Some of my sisters have struggled with infertility, and one is still yearning to be blessed with a child. I pray for them everyday (love you Beka). I have nothing to complain about. Also, it was just a few hours of expectation. I can hardly imagine the heartbreak a mother would have to deliver a still born baby. My Grandma (dad's' mom) had two still births. Mary Williamson's first baby Amy Ann (last pic) died after 3 days, so so sad. So much work and hope and dreams for the child and yourself enjoying a lifetime watching them, and then to lose them so soon after they're life had just begun, I would cry and cry and cry. 

I am crazy old, but I still feel young I guess. It would definitely be high risk with my two conditions of AMA and GMP ("grand multiparity", aka I've given birth more than 5 times), but I still feel like we might have more children for three reasons: 

Reason #1 - Joseph had felt prompted to say children, not "child" when he gave me a blessing. (Start reading after the second video in this blogpost). That blessing was given after Daniel, and before Peter was born. So Peter would be one child born to us after that blessing, but since Joseph had felt prompted to say "children" then there is probably more than just one/Peter? (or two?) 

Reason #2 is because of the answer I got once when I was pondering "how many kids" we were to have. We were watching the movie 17 Miracles, and at the end when they were telling what happened to some of the characters, and they wrote about the girl who died but came back alive, they said that she grew, married, and became a mother to 14 children, and on that part I felt a slight impression that "14" was my answer. I thought that would be a bit crazy, but ok, I'll think about that. I think that happened sometime between Natalie and Owen or right after Owen was born. 10 kids, really Lord? FOUR more?!?! But then along came 

Reason #3, and I searched all over here on the blog and I can't find a time when I share this, but I thought I had... I know I've shared it with several friends, I just assumed I had put it here. Anyway, once on a date night, I remember we went to Nuan's Thai Kitchen... that might have been the Thai food from this date in 2013? Hmm, maybe I need to go look at the photos on the cloud drive, cause I remember I took a photo of the post it... I wonder if I can find that photo... Actually let me go look in my 2013 planner, cause I know I took the post it paper and saved it in my planner.... just a minute... Yeah! Just found it! This was not 2013. this happened on our date night on Friday, January 6, 2017. At this time (Jan 2017) I was a mother to a 3 month old Daniel and a very young Owen, just a year and a half old (they were very close). I was probably feeling a bit stretched and wondering "Ok, are we good, Lord? Is this it for us? Or would you like us to have more?" Wilst I pondered this, we were on date night at Nuan's Thai Kitchen (I didn't need the help of the planner to remember that detail). I hadn't told Corey what I was seeking, but we sat and visited. We ordered food. We sat and talked. Our plates were delivered. We started to eat, and I noticed on the bottom of Corey's plate, on the edge that was close to me as I sat across from him, there was a little post it note sticking out. He didn't seem to notice it. I thought it was out of place, so I took it to remove it. "You've got a paper on your plate..." I said, and I took it, and looked at it, and.... IT SAID "14"!!!! I looked at it, my eyes went wide with surprise, and I was like "oh my gosh!" as I held it up to Corey with a "LOOK!" expression. Then I had to explain to him what I had been wondering all day, and IT SAID 14! 

I don't think I would have thought anything of it, HAD IT NOT BEEN the SAME CRAZY ANSWER/NUMBER that I had received before in the experience of Reason #2. So I thought that was nuts, but it was also second answer/witness that the first crazy answer that I didn't believe might actually be right. Whenever I mention 14 kids to Corey, he teases "Look... just cause "14" is your lucky number...." ...and that is true, because 14 was my soccer jersey number all throughout my AYSO and high school soccer days, and any other time I had to choose a jersey number. BUT, this isn't a lucky number thing, this is just a matter of fact/answer to prayer thing, I think, unless y'all make me doubt myself. But this has been my answer twice, so I don't know, I kinda can't dismiss it now. Some people also counter with "maybe it was just the number of people in your family?" in which case we're good now! Cause Corey + me + 12 kids = 14. BUT I wasn't asking or pondering "how many people should be in our family?" when I prayed. It was "How many kids should we have?" And as my sister said in a fb comment that made me laugh - I had shared a family photo and joked "#toomanykids", and Trice replied with "#nevertoomanyuntillucky14" So, that's that long story about kids and babies and numbers. Owen's number is 22, mine is 14. (I hope Owen's wife is prepared, haha, or that she has her own lucky number!)