Almost My Last Doctor Appointment

I had my 2nd to last doctor appointment today. Not because I'm ready to deliver, but because we're leaving for Brazil for a few months. My next appointment is on July 20th! And at that appointment I'll probably be able to schedule my induction. I'm hoping to be induced at 39 weeks.

So, last Tuesday, I went in for the ultrasound. Last week they said everything looked good, but she did tell me at the ultrasound that there was more water on the kidneys than they like to see. Usually they'd have me come back at 28 weeks for a follow up ultrasound, but since we're going to be gone, she'd ask Dr. Smith what he wanted us to do. The ultrasound lady also told me not to google water on the kidneys on the internet cause it might scare me, just talk to my pediatrician. Well, I googled it, and it's a maker for downs syndrome. I didn't panic and didn't feel worried. Until... the next day when they called to schedule me for another ultrasound before we leave for Brazil, and she mentioned "neucal fold" so I googled that, found out it's Nuchal Fold, and that one is a high marker for downs syndrome too. Of course, there are 11 different markers... Is it really something I need to worry about or are they just telling me so they don't get blamed for not telling me something that might be something I might be mad that they didn't tell me about? Ugh, I felt quite annoyed. We haven't told the kids anything, but did tell our parents last week so they could keep the baby in their prayers. I'm content to let the Lord's will be done, but if I did have a choice, I guess I'd choose to just have another beautiful and healthy child like I've been used too, cause that has been absolute joy. But then I also know that parents of downs babies say they are the light of their lives. So I tried not to worry, but did for a few days, and shed a few tears in prayer. I think I was mostly mad about it coming up in the ultrasound. I didn't want to have any genetic testing done, cause if the baby has downs, what can they do about it? What would I do about it? Nothing. If there is a problem like that, I'd rather not know until the baby is born, cause then you have your baby to hold and bond with and nothing else matters. Why do they tell us this stuff that makes us worry? Sometimes I think all the high resolution images and tests are a curse.

Still my doctor asked if I did want to do the genetic test now, and I said sure, so I went in for that last Friday, supposedly has a >91% accuracy for Downs they say, so that will helps us have a better idea either way. The results should be back next week. And I have another ultrasound next week too with the Maternal and Fetal Medicine.

So I read a few blogs, and decided that yes, I'd rather find out I have a downs baby when the baby is born like this mom rather than go through months of worry like this mom. Sure, the water on the kidneys or whatever might not be downs and could be something else that they need to know about so they can be ready when the baby is born... they're trying to cover their bases, right? But I also feel like sometimes the medical field is so busy protecting themselves from a lawsuit - not wanting to be sued cause they missed something - that they tell you every possible thing that might be wrong - at the expense of the patients' sanity and emotional well being.

My mom told me that my little brother, who just had his 2nd child, was told during the ultrasound that their baby had two markers for downs syndrome too - a high level marker in the heart and low marker of short legs. And their baby Edmund is beautiful and perfect and fine. Another lady in my church ward, who just had her 7th, said that she's had "water on the kidneys" for most of her babies. There's always something that they make you worry about. But we just have to put our trust in God. He's in control, and I'll gratefully take any child he sees it in his wisdom to give us. If we have a little boy with Downs Syndrome, I will praise Him and thank Him, and trust Him that He will help us as we are taken out of our comfort zone and into new territory. If the baby is just a regular baby, I will accept that angel boy and know he is just as precious in his sight at a Downs baby. A baby with Downs would have his own special mission to perform on this earth, and I also know that a normal baby has a special mission to perform for the Lord too. You have a special mission, Natalie!

(She was taking a bath yesterday and before I put her in, she was the perfect picture of childhood - silly pig tails, marker all over her hands and tummy and face, sticky hands, snotty nose ~ she's got all the markers for a little child! :)

You cute thing, you!

So again, it's taken a week of tears and prayers, but I've come to terms with what the possibilities are. I've been praying for peace and have received it. I know that either way, it will be fine and this child will be a blessing, God only gives good gifts. He loves me, He loves my children, He loves all His children. And I trust Him to teach me and pray that he will continue to help me learn and become more like Him -

Last week I listened a lot to "Master the Tempest is Raging" by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and that helped me know that I don't need to wake the Lord to hasten and take control, He already is in control of my life and guiding my ship. I also love this song from "17 Miracles", particularly the line "'til I shall be in perfect harmony with Thee."

The lesson at church on Sunday was also perfect and just what I needed - Living Joyfully in Troubled Times . The opening hymn "Jesus Savior Pilot Me" was another song that I'll be singing this week as I go forward in faith. We can have faith in the Lord no matter what our circumstances.

Baby Growing Up

The babies are at it again. Like all of his older siblings, Peter is insisting on growing up and he is not going to stay a little baby for me. This week he has demonstrated his rebellion by standing!! 

 He's so proud of himself for being such a big boy!!

Put your hands in the air and cheer for Peter! Or maybe he's saying "Look Mom, no hands!"

Oh he's so cute. He's taken a few steps but he's not sure on his feet yet. He's going to figure it out soon though. I'm going to miss him crawling around. He's so cute crawling. He's almost a year old, I can't believe how fast babyhood passes.

I told Mel that I'm pretty sure that the next time she sees him, he will be walking! So sad. So Peter's at that, and the little boys are at it again too with wasting useful products. Yesterday Owen emptied Hyrum's body spray all over his chair. I need to add this to his list of messes.

The smell in the teen boys' room is powerful. I had to close the door and leave their window open all day. Thankfully I found and put up the bottle of hairspray which was next to the cologne. I want babies to stay little, but I'm looking forward to the toddlers growing out of this. Someday they will all be functioning adults, like Melodie is. Last night I finally gave Mel her birthday presents that I forgot to give Corey last week to deliver on her birthday.

But that's okay, right? It just helps make the birthday last longer when you get presents a week late! She shared her chocolate with Natalie.

We're glad to have Mel home for a few days and we hope her mature influence rubs off on all of us.

Babies Don't Keep

Most mornings, I find myself lying on the couch with Peter. This morning as the first of my alarms began to go off, he woke up. He was looking so cute.

Its easy to feel happy in the morning (or middle of the night) when I get to wake up to such a cute little face. Peter!! We love you!

Most times it just feels tragic though, cause the alarm doesn't wake him, and he's snuggled up next to me, peacefully sleeping. And I just regret that I have to move. If only I didn't have to get kids up and out the door! But even if we do get to sleep in, like on Sundays, I guess he is still going to sleep until I move him. If only I could just stay home on the couch with just him in a quiet house all day and not have any reasons to have to get up. I didn't get to do it when Joseph was a baby, cause we were in school. And I've had kids ever since, so time keeps marching on and I never get to push pause on the newborn days. Maybe no one does get to pause this time, we just have to be present and enjoy the pockets of peace we do find with them.

I guess even if I could, I'm sure the days would still fly by.

I'm going to try and enjoy my pockets of peace with Peter. I'll try to let the mess slide a little bit and hope my family is patient with me. This is just a short season we are in, so let's soak it up as best we can. Soon enough he will be running around making messes, or catching the bus for kindergarten, or getting ready to serve a mission. I just realized the way I learned this poem isn't right, but I might keep saying it this way, cause I made up a little tune I sing along with it -

Cleaning and dusting can wait til tomorrow

For children grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,

So fly away cobwebs and dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

(Also, something fun I did today was figure out my parenting age - add up the ages of all your children, and that is your parenting age. Corey and I are 118!!! No wonder we feel old!)

Peek A Boo

Natalie had a fun time playing Peek a Boo with Owen and screaming "THERE HE IS!!!" everytime he pulled the little blankie off his face. I love these beautiful children so much. I pray for the world to know that children are a gift to be received with joy (not with fear!) and that they are worth any small sacrifice we might be asked to make her in mortality. I'm sad to read of the Zika virus and the defects that is said to be causing newborn babies, but pray that women will accept the children God gives them, whatever his will is and plan is for them.

This article was hard for me to read, since like most things about abortion it made me want to weep and cry for the world, but I recommend it - "When Abortion stopped making Sense". I wanted to cry reading what Richard Selzer said in that article (1975 version of it reprinted here). From this current news article:

- We had somehow bought the idea that abortion was necessary if women were going to rise in their professions and compete in the marketplace with men. But how had we come to agree that we will sacrifice our children, as the price of getting ahead? When does a man ever have to choose between his career and the life of his child?

- And the fact is, an unborn child, from the very first moment, is a new human individual. It has the three essential characteristics that make it “a human life”: It’s alive and growing, it is composed entirely of human cells, and it has unique DNA. It’s a person, just like the rest of us. 

- The minimum purpose of government is to shield the weak from abuse by the strong, and there is no one weaker or more voiceless than unborn children. And so we keep saying that they should be protected, for all the same reasons that newborn babies are protected. 

Discovery Park

In between the Saturday afternoon sessions of General Conference a week ago, we met up at the "wood park" (aka Discovery Park in Pleasant Grove) with our dear friends that we met in Costa Rica, the Meyers.  

That week was Joseph's spring break, so he had gone down on Thursday night and was able to hang out with Michael for two days, so this was also when we picked him up.  All the big kids had fun playing with their long lost jungle friends.  Not sure if they all talked about Costa Rica much, but they did all enjoy seeing each other and playing.

They spun and spun each other on the tire swing until they were sick (they'd just eaten a bunch of cookies).

After I gave them a few spins, the "I feel like I'm gonna throw up" bench was almost full.

We adults just had to keep tabs on the babies and toddlers.  Usually I don't want to push kids on the swing, cause it means that I have to stand out in the sun.  But since this was a cool and overcast day, I didn't mind. I actually really enjoyed it!  Seeing the big smile of true happiness on Lily's face as I pushed her just warmed my heart.

Sophia liked the swing too.  We were able to chat with the Meyers as we all pushed the babies.

Corey spun them around on this thing too - it was funny seeing Sophi's smile and also seeing her start to lean more and more to the left with each turn.  Hold on tight, kiddo

We left home for the park at 11:00 and were able to listen to the 2nd hour of conference in the car, which is one of the best ways for us adults to actually hear the conference live.  We had arranged a lunch with each other, rolls and salad, cookies, carrots and apples.  We had a nice visit and after 2 hours we all headed back to the cars - listening again to the next session of conference as we drove.  Wonderful talks were shared. I love General Conference. I'm learning more and more that it's all about family.

Home Fixing

Corey and I are doing lots of home maintenance. Well, more home making. No... home fixing? Something along those lines. He joked that now that he has a "real" job with benefits, now we can finally start our family. And when young couples decide to start their family, they usually begin with the nursery, right? We haven't decorated the nursery with any of our 12 babies, so we're doing it now! Only some of our babies are teens and young children. We went together to RC Willey two Saturday's ago and the beds we ordered arrived today. I just had the delivery guys put them in the garage, cause the rooms are a mess. Today when Corey got home, he got to work and put together a bed in Mel and Abi's room, cause their room was actually clean. This triple bed is for Owen (top) Mel (middle) and Daniel (bottom).

It's super close the ceiling, but it works since a toddler will be on top. But they aren't allowed to use the fan in there now. If they did, Owen could get hurt. After Mel leaves for her mission in September, then we'll move Peter in there on the bottom bunk and it will be the little boys room. As for now, and since Peter is still nursing, he will be stay in our bedroom with us me (...on the floor.)

So, through us actually doing house shopping together, I'm learning that Corey and I have our opinions, and they are not the same. I've kinda been doing the home furnishings on my own for all these years, and I usually go the classifieds route. I fully recognize that I am not good at home design. I have now learned that he hasn't liked the "mish mash" of furniture in different styles. He'd like it more streamlined. "Mish mash?!?!" Excuse me, all of these are white metal! That is not that mish mash. Ok, I guess it is, since we've got full sized mattresses, toddler mattresses, and twin mattresses. But we can make it work. we're losing kids, not getting more, we have plenty of sleeping arrangements and options for the kids we have. We don't "need" new beds. What about "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without" huh??? I should be grateful that Corey's eager and wanting to help now, but instead I've been fighting thoughts of: "Wait... what's wrong with that bed?" "So... you're basically saying that you don't like how I've put together the kid's rooms?" "Hey, I painted that bed! I've put little parts of my heart and soul into what we've got here!" Along with thoughts of I don't want new beds because: "Uuugh... I don't want to try to take apart that bed, the screws are stripped and we're gonna need a metal cutter or something..." "We're throwing money away by tossing these mattresses..." "I don't want to have to put things in storage" and just blah blah blah went all the voices in my head. After trying to understand my thoughts for the past week, I've decided it's okay, the white metal bunks have put in their time, Corey isn't doing this cause I'm bad at home decor. This isn't about me. I should be grateful that Corey is wanting new beds, and that he is participating and willing to spend his hard earned money on this. (I fully recognize that gratitude is not my strong suit) So.... today is the beginning of the end for the "mish mash" of furniture years for our family. But I still don't want to take this one apart. This is the bed that I painted. It used to be red and I DIY'd it white after we got back from Costa Rica/Chile. This has been Wesley's bed (top) and Ethan's on bottom for the past few years. The bottom left screws are the ones that are going to be a problem for you tomorrow, so good luck with that sweetie.

When I do the stuff on my own, I feel like a champ (like when I took the car in for repairs). I'm sure Corey feels like that too with these beds. He sees a way for things to be improved, he's going for it, I should support him. Yesterday I was super proud of myself when I fixed the leaky kitchen faucet. I discovered that it was leaking last Sunday (5/3) when I was in the basement picking up winter coats all over the floor, and then I got a flick of something wet on my hand... I thought maybe a glove was still wet from winter time or something? But that couldn't be it, so my radar was on as to where the water came from and then I got hit again and realized it was dripping through the floor. Ugh... I hate water problems! I put a bin in the basement to catch water there, then went upstairs and started to stress and vent to the ceiling as I cleared out under the kitchen sink to see where it was coming from. I had it controlled and didn't get to calling on Monday, but finally called a plumber that  my mom recommended on Tuesday (5/5) and they had an opening on Thursday (5/7). It was a great guy named Ben. He told me that we needed a new braided cord. The hard water in our house ages the cord. He said we need a new faucet for him to fix it today, OR we needed to find and order the hose part. ...but the Moen sinks each have different kinds of hoses and he didn't have any with him. So... they could order it and come back another day after it arrives, or they could do it now but only if they replaced it all by getting a whole new faucet. Well a new faucet was going to be $200+, cause that is how much it cost last time, plus $ for his labor. Hmmm, I called Corey for counsel, he said we should try to find the part. That would be new territory for me though. Ben, the nice plumber, told me it was actually a super easy fix, he thought I could do it, I just needed to get the right faucet hose. He was so nice - he didn't even charge me for the visit, he just wrote up an estimate of what it would cost for them to come back if I wasn't able to figure it out on my own with a hose - $200 to install a faucet if I bought it or $475 for them to buy the faucet and install it. I took a deep breath as I told him thank you and then prepared to try to figure this out. I went to Home Depot to see if I could find a buy a Moen faucet hose. They didn't have any, but I took some information from a Moen faucet that looked similar to the one we have.

Duralock Quick- connect... that is the similar to what we have.

I wrote down their "excellent customer service" phone number just in case I felt lost as I searched the web. But after 90 minutes of googling research, I felt confident enough to take a $30 risk and ordered a hose from supplyhouse.com. I narrowed it down to two hoses, either model 150259 (that's the one I decided to order cause it's 68 inches like our current hose) or 159560 which looks like it has the right connectors but is only 55 inches long. So today it came! And I was able to attach it right away! So I guessed right!! So what could have been a $475 fix I was able to do for $30! Thank you Ben at Stott Plumbing for being so nice and helpful!!! We will call them again. And for my own future reference (when the hard water ruins the hose again in 2.5 years...) try to order the Moen Pulldown Hose 150259 (replacement hose kit, part # 187108 from supplyhouse.com)

Another thing that is in the beginning stages of being fixed is our front porch. I also replied to a guy to get a quote to replace it. I have been trying to find help for this for 2 years. I even emailed our friend Bo who built this house years ago, and he and his wife were so nice and even came by to look at it, but he doesn't know anyone doing logs anymore and was at a loss as to who we could contact. His wife suggested maybe people in Heber or Park City, who do more rustic looking things. So I googled for that last week and on the 6th emailed a company some pictures of our porch and asked for a quote. He replied asking for measurements, so I replied to him with that info.

Seriously this porch is barely hanging on. It's hanging by a thread. This porch has spent the past 2+ years being held up by a clear fishing line (or what is that string made of, Corey? and has it been 2 or 3 years?) If you zoom in on the pic here you can see the line going from that center post to the house for support...

It needs help. Put it on the list! The rest of today was spent putting stuff outside that I want out of the house - we are getting ready for bulk clean up on Monday. I've been so sad that Deseret Industries is still closed cause I've been feeling increasingly desperate to get rid of stuff. I was very happy to find out yesterday that Savers just opened this week, so tomorrow I'm going to go drop off all the stuff I put out on the curb today

(and I hurt my toenail doing it when I slipped on a stack of stupid cardboard boxes. I'll spare you the photo of my toe, but I did get pleasure out of showing it to the kids. It hurt and looked bad, and all the kids were amazed that I wasn't crying. I'm tough.) I'd feel bad to just throw this all away, but I was feeling desperate enough that I had to put it out there. I need it GONE. I long for order. I hope we're making progress. Abi and I took down the tent last night, Corey spent the evening yesterday after work fixing the sprinklers. And yesterday I went by Skyline. I needed to turn in Ethan's chromebook, AP Environmental Science textbook, and to pick up his graduation cords. I sent him a package yesterday to California with his cap and gown, so that he can take a picture of himself for the virtual graduation. He should get it tomorrow.

Lily is 14!

Happy Birthday to Lily!

Katharine not sure why we are all singing to her again? Lily was playing it low key and didn't want to be in front of the camera, and thus is demonstrating her perfected art of the baby shield in that pic above. I guess it's good that she was playing it like a b-day is no big deal, cause I've been doing that too. I did have a gift, but it wasn't something on her list, so I let her see it and if she wanted it, she could have it and cash, or I could just give her cash. She chose the $50 bucks. I don't mean to be so lame, but I'm going to blame it on me just getting old and being tired. I've put in a valiant effort toward birthday celebrations for many years. I might be time to streamline things. But it's not cause I don't love you Lily! I promise! I didn't do anything for Katharine and you all know that I love her. Today is Lily's lucky 14th birthday. 14 is my lucky number, so the kids all get that as their lucky number too by default. My mom brought by some ice cream cakes and ice cream cones that the kids (and I) all gobbled up. 

I don't plan on doing b-days for my grandkids like my mom does for my kids. I will try to do a little better though for the little kids in the next few years... although I don't plan on doing great for the older kids (probably Natalie and older). I already have apologized to Wes for how lame his birthday will be on Sunday. 

Today we did go and visit Corey's mom in the hospital. They took out the ventilation tube, so that's good. She might not feel it, but she looks a ton better, and for that we are very grateful. She was still in the intensive care when we went by. Only kids 14 years and older are allowed back. Abi and Sophi went back first (Sophi did not deceive anyone, they knowingly let her pass even though she was underage.) Lily was there as a honestly and fully fledged 14 year old.

Most of the kids chilled in the waiting room while we old enough persons went back to see Grandma.

Katharine was being a cutie pie today. The kids found the bin of dolls in the basement yesterday when Peter had a little girl friend come over.

Katharine is excited about the babies!

You are aware that you are a baby too, right K?

A baby loving babies. We've got another little mother on our hands. This morning I went on a hike again with friends. We did Circle All, which I had never heard of. It started at the Butler Fork Trail, which I had also never heard of. You'd think I would have know about this place, since I've lived less than 12 miles from it most of my life, but alas, I had not. It was great though, and I'm excited to come up here again.

For date night, I was feeling generous and picked up Little Caesars pizza for the kids, per Abi's request "for Lily's birthday" - so nice of Abi to be looking out for Lily's b-day celebration. The kids played the Wii and Corey and I went out to Bandits for dinner, and then on the way home, we took a spur of the moment hike in Ferguson Canyon. I took Corey to the spot that we had out picnic last week. 

It was fun. and we met a nice couple from India, visiting from Orange County. Corey and him exchanged phone numbers and Corey invited them to go biking and skiing next time they are in town, so we'll be sure to share pics of that when that happens some day in the future!

Abi is 12!!

It's Abi's Happy Birthday today. Abi is usually the one in charge of the birthday festivities around here. So last night I jokingly told her "Do you want to go put up the birthday decorations for yourself?" She said she would, and that she did last year too, and made her own cake, which I don't remember, but I believe it. It reminds me of the beginning of the movie "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" where he makes his own cake and decorates it "Happy Birthday Me..." lol. So Abi put up her decorations last night, but she only put ABI, so this morning I got up and I fixed it to say her whole name, and then I ran to the store (opens at 6am) and got donuts and ice cream - and I made it back in time to set it up before waking her up.

No one up to party with her yet, but that's ok, we'll celebrate with you after school!! And I also got her a box of chocolates and some brownies to take to school to share with her friends. :) Then I went on a walk and found two caterpillars on a neighbors' milkweed, cute little hungry babies!

And I also had one more come out of it's egg last night - an egg that I found at my parents' house yesterday in their neighbors yard (was just over the fence) after we got back from Colorado. So yay, 3 more babies!! If these 3 survive That will make this year better than last year, yay monarchs!

It was a busy day at home. I had a lot to do but didn't get as much done as I wanted - Peter didn't nap well or cooperate much. But I'll count my wins - got Sophi's baptism program done and the RS newsletter out. Didn't write to Joseph yet, will do that first thing in the morning. After the kids came home, we all had cake and ice cream.

Some ambiance...

And making a wish...

Wesley tried out a different Clayton group called "Celebrate" tonight. He liked it better, everyone was more his size, so that's good. And the last thing we did tonight was go to Costco, cause we were out of potatoes.

I took SEVEN kids to Costco, and honestly it wasn't that big of a deal. Cause I'm a true mother warrior!

Corey usually does come back with muffins, which is why I'd rather face the frontlines myself. I was made for this battle!

Ok, well, Abi and Lily helped... We got there at 7:50, were on our way home at 8:40. After we got home, we unloaded and were going to do violin, but didn't make it tonight cause the final birthday event arrived. A birthday is not a birthday without Iveth and Diego coming by! Happy Birthday Abi!!

Maria drew a picture for Abi (I think it was a portrait of Abi) that Abi is now keeping on her wall. It was cute. Then we all talked too late and now I can't fall asleep so I'm going to write Joseph a letter and then go to bed if I can. I think Abi had a good day, she is a doll.