Ok, last night I hit a low. I wanted to give up, and I did by stress eating up the last of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal (MnM's and thus ridding our house of the last chocolate available)
~ I'll be back to log more of my epiphany in a bit - Owen needs me...
Update - Ok, I'm back. I just wrote this up for my exercise log blog (the Monday entry, pasted below) it details the chain of events that has led me to being oh so on the ball~ It's time to begin!
Last Wednesday afternoon, I only caught snippets of the 11:00 BYU devotional on channel 11, cause I was taking out garbage for trash day and coming going out of the house. He spoke on the "Skills of a Saint" and mentioned that we have habits that we do without thinking. I decided I was going to start helping my day start off right by renewing the habit of getting up and reading my scriptures. Then I decided I'd do 20 minutes of oil pulling as I studied. My new wake up time: 5:40
Later that night, after feeling stressed out, and frazzled, I ate a quick small bowl of cinnamon toast crunch (to get rid of it, it was leftover from the reunion and donated to us) and then downed a tube of mini MnMs before I went upstairs with my crying baby where I plopped myself on the bed and watched tv again (a frequent occurrence around here) It was around 9 pm. I watched some PBS station where they were doing their fundraising and had different health specials going on. The guy who wrote "Eat to Live" was talking, and the host asked him what are the 3 things he recommends to help people become healthy or something to that effect. I was expecting some kind of advice on exercise or eating, but he said "#1 thing is: Stop Deceiving Yourself ~ stop telling yourself that one cookie or one serving of ice cream won't make a difference. It does make a difference..." Oh no! I'm being deceived!!! And worse, I'm deceiving myself!?!?! That's not good... I'm "deceived"!! That's a word that I don't want to be associated with, cause one of the things that differentiates the 5 wise virgins from the 5 foolish is that the 5 wise "have not been deceived..." (D&C 45:57) So that hit me. It's not other people deceiving me, I'm deceiving myself. I know I have rationalized that in regards to all the sugary stuff in the world - just one thing and that's it and one thing will be okay. But I've been deceiving myself. NO MORE. So that was one thing.
Then on Thursday morning, I checked my email. I had an email from the Power of Moms. I'm on their mailing list, and if things are busy and crazy I usually just delete these without looking them, but I opened it up and lo and behold - they are talking about losing weight. And they're joining up with Jonathan Bailor! I know him and I like his stuff. I've read one of his books and I loved his clogged sink analogy. I clinked the link - they have some new program they're selling. But I've read his stuff, and I already knew what I needed to do. I do not need to diet, I need to eat and eat lots of vegetables.
I decided to go by Costco and load up on good food. I had my 6 week appointment today and Costco is on the way there. For my appointment, I knew my weight wasn't going to be pretty (I didn't look at the scale to see my weight, purposely avoided it. I didn't look at it at all during my last 5 months of pregnancy) I don't know what it read at his office, but at home it was 172. After Hyrum, when I was on target with diet back in 2003, I was 144 at my 6 week. I was like 164 before I delivered him - and he was a 8.10 baby! Pretty amazing. I've been wondering for a few years "Why/How was I able to do it? Why can't I do it now?" Well something clicked that Wednesday night and I'm in the zone and I went to Costco before my dr appointment and got 3 bags of Romaine lettuce and 3 things of tomatoes and I've been eating fruits, veggies and protein since last Thursday. No bread, no sugar. I feel SOOOOOOOO much better mentally, I've got energy, and I'm in the zone, loving it.