Not Viable

Yesterday I had a doctor appointment with my OBGYN, Dr. Smith, who has delivered 10 of our children. I went in because we were expecting, but it most likely looks like we're not anymore. My younger sister Patrice told us how my mom miscarried at 20 weeks, a baby that would have been between Patrice and Beka, and that my mom was glad to have baby Patrice to hold for comfort. I've been feeling that way, and loved holding Peter last night. He actually woke up and 4:00 am and wanted cereal and so we went down and I gave him cereal and made oatmeal for the other kids. We went back to bed around 6 am. I am glad I have a baby to hold. Yeah, he's almost 2, but he's still my baby, and babies are magic.

So this was to be my first dr. appointment. I usually don't go in this early, but I started feeling sick at 6 weeks, and morning sickness usually doesn't hit me until week 7 1/2. That's been pretty consistent with each pregnancy. Also, I didn't think I should be feeling ill because I already started taking my trace minerals (morning sickness miracle!), so I thought I had a step up on it. I honestly thought and was praying that it would be twins (cause I'm crazy and think we are supposed to have 2 more children #lucky14, end of this post) but there weren't twins. There was a sack, but there wasn't a baby or a heartbeat. There was a little growth of something small in the ultrasound, but it looked too small, so Dr. Smith had me go over for another ultrasound in a different office and then a vaginal ultrasound and both of those verified it was only 5 or 6 week size when it should have been 8 weeks, and the vag ultrasound showed no blood flow, so yeah, looks like this little one has miscarried. So that is sad and I let myself cry a few times to my sisters, and I'm sure I'll cry again and more later, but today I'm doing ok and I sought some more help and support from family and friends. I texted a few neighborhood friends, called Corey's mom and talked to sister who has had a d&c. I also posted on facebook as I try to decide whether to miscarry naturally or go in for a D&C. Here are some helpful thoughts from my friends via facebook that I'll ponder as we decide how to go forward:

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"So personal question - we were expecting, 8 weeks along yesterday, but at my first appointment the baby was only 6 week size and there was no heartbeat, they did 3 ultrasounds and it looks like it's miscarried. I'm going in for another blood draw tomorrow to verify the miscarriage, but I was hoping if any of you could share with me your experience, if you've had one, of waiting to miscarry naturally or going in for a d&c surgery as I'm trying to decide what to do. Private message me if you prefer that. Thank you thank you

Comments: 

SheaLynn: I am so sorry for your loss. I lost one at that time and did it all naturally. It was unpleasant but I’ve heard that the D&C is often worse. I’m glad I just did it myself

Débora - Hi. I'm really sorry for your loss.. It happend to me too.. In my case, I had to go to d&c.. the doctor told me at the time that I could not wait.. the truth is that it was a very traumatic experience.. If the doctor says that you can wait, I believe that is best option

Gabriela - I’m so sorry for your lost. There’re no words that will make the pain go away, only time will help heal the wound. I also had a miscarriage with my second baby. Baby stopped developing with 6w, I found out when I was 9w and only started bleeding when I… See More

 · Reply · Thank you Gabriela! ❤ I've had one other miscarriage and yours sounds like my first experience in that I didn't know it had miscarried until I started bleeding at 10 weeks. Thank you for sharing

Cyndi - I'm so sorry Tiffany. Even when they are tiny, the hope, love, and joy of a new baby are already there. I lost a baby at 5 weeks and it seemed like a heavy period, definitely a lot more cramping and pain. It was more emotionally taxing since it was after my stillborn son. My next loss was at 13 weeks. We had seen the baby a couple of times and the heartbeat was strong and growth was on track. Then I started spotting. The baby's heart had stopped in just the last day or so. It was the day before my birthday and my doctor didn't want me to have a D & C on my birthday (a Friday) so he scheduled it for the next Monday. I ended up cramping and having contractions and going into labor myself on Sunday. I delivered my baby at home. It took me a few days to finally get through the whole process. It was very traumatic but one thing that was a blessing was seeing how perfect my little boy was...a tiny perfectly formed, already feet loved miracle. I don't know if the D & C would have been less traumatic, but I was grateful for how it happened. My heart and prayers will be with you. Please feel free to message me with any questions. ❤️

Monique - I’m sorry for your loss 😞 it’s a hard experience. It could take up to another week to naturally miscarry. My miscarriage was at 11 weeks and the baby was about 8 weeks size. I’m glad that it happened naturally rather than having a procedure done, and that’s what I would prefer, however my bleeding was very heavy when it happened, and I had to go to the ER to get it under control, which was unpleasant, sitting in the ER bleeding heavily onto a chair while I waited to be admitted. If you go in for a D and C, then you’ll already be admitted and bleeding can be controlled. However I didn’t know any herbs to control bleeding at the time and wish I had. Later a friend told me if I had taken cayenne and shepherds purse at home when it happened I wouldn’t have bled heavily. It depends on how comfortable you are with herb treatment. It wasn’t terribly painful, just a very emotional experience and concerning with the bleeding. What is the doctor recommending?

 · Reply - He said it's totally up to us, so yeah I'm trying to feel out what is best. I've had one miscarriage before, I didn't know until I started to bleed and we were living abroad so I never went to a doctor but thankfully everything was ok, it was just like a heavy period with clots. I'll check out taking herbs, thank you!

 · Monique okay - if he thinks it safe to wait for it to happen naturally that would probably be the best choice, especially if you’ve gone through it before...

Sonia - Passei 2 vezes por aborto espontâneo, Acredito ser natural e não fazer a cirurgia, Sinto muito... 💕

Jansi - Lo siento mucho😭. A mi me pasó en la semana 12... me recomendaron esperar para que fuera natural... pasaron como 2 semanas fue natural pero igual tuvieron que hacer una intervención. Ánimo y un fuerte abrazo.💞

Lisa - I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending love and prayers. ❤

Kiera - Msged you. So sorry for your loss.

Malerie - I’m really sorry. This is such a difficult thing to go through. My situation was very similar to yours. No increase in size and no heartbeat at my next appointment at around 9 weeks. I debated about what to do. Several close friends said they went ahead naturally and it was really difficult. Some said they ended up having to go in for surgery anyway because their body hadn’t completely taken care of everything. My body didn’t ever take care of it naturally and I went ahead with the d&c. Everything went smoothly and for me it felt easier to plan, make an appt, etc then waiting and experiencing it on my own. It’s very personal though and it’s a really difficult thing for your mind and body to endure. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you. 😘

 · Reply - Thanks Malerie ❤ How long after the 9 week appointment did you go in? Also, any chance you remember the cost from your dr and the hospital? The earliest it could be for us is next Tuesday, and with a new year comes a new deductible so we'll be paying the bills, which is one reason I'm leaning toward waiting for maybe 2 weeks

Malerie - Tiffanie, mine was in January, too. 😞 it was a week and a half after my appt that I went in for surgery. I remember my doc saying that it was fine to wait a bit. It was a long week.

I looked back and my whole hospital bill was about $3900 without insurance. That included surgery, labs, diagnostic testing, etc....

Therese - Oh Tiffanie I'm so very sorry 

Diana - I'm sorry. Miscarriages are so difficult. I passed mine at home naturally and it was horrific. I ended up at the ER because I was bleeding so heavy with huge clots. They gave me morphine and got some of the tissue out. I followed up with my ob/gyn the next day. I still had tissue inside and he was able to get it out in the office. I would have a d&c if I had to make the choice again.

Alisa - I am so sorry. Miscarriages are so painful. It is a loss that needs to be acknowledged and felt. I'm glad you are doing that. I definitely recommend the procedure. Living, knowing that your child has died inside of you, and is still there, is very hard. It's sad. Heartbreaking. A miscarriage is heartbreaking enough without prolonging the pain.

Laura - I'm so sorry for your lost. I went to that 2 times. One in an earlier stage and another with a full term pregnancy (week before due date). I chose natural way for both of them. Even though it is a hard emotional experience, that gave me more time to understand and mourn it. But that is a personal choice. Not everybody needs the same outcome. Love you.

 · Reply ·Thank you Laura ❤ I especially liked your last comment that we don't all need the same outcome. I appreciate all these thoughts helping me to ponder what will be best for us. Thank you! I don't remember knowing that you miscarried so late, but man, a week before the due date... I can hardly imagine, that would have been so hard! 😭

 · Laura it was. People told me to just get ride of the trauma as soon as possible. But I knew I had to go all way. Not knowing when that would happen. Knowing that I had a dead child inside me. I connected with my body, I embraced the bitterness, and accepted what I was going through. In that very moment I released the child. I was so prepared! That was my way to process it. That moment is unique, like every deliver is. Whatever your instinct, your soul tells you to do, do it. Follow your prompts. Use this experience to connect with yourself and the wisdom there is in you.

 ·  THANK YOU. That is powerful advice. I'll follow that and seek lots of quiet pondering this week. (well... as much as I can with all the kids at home!)

Elizabeth (friend from US that we met in Chile) - I had 5 miscarriages and am sorry you are having this sad experience. 3 of mine warranted a d and c and I would honestly recommend that over letting nature take its course. It’s a relatively minor procedure and better to be in a controlled environment. My last one at home was pretty scary and I ended up in an ambulance.

 · Reply - Thank you Elizabeth ❤ I was thinking of you yesterday, remembering you had been through this many times. Thank you for commenting.

Heidi - Tiffany, I am sorry to hear of this. I experienced this very thing in between my daughter and my son. I went in for a 10 week appointment and there was no heart beat. I actually began miscarrying at the doctrs office. I was sent home to finish naturally, but I began hemorrhaging and passing large blood clots. I ended up having to have a d&c. I welcomed the medical intervention as I had lost a lot of blood and the experience at home was somewhat traumatic. I am so sorry for you. It is so hard on a mothers heart. I felt a great loss with that baby. I had already begun bonding and dreaming of holding that baby in my arms. Hugs to you and Corey 🙏 ❤ 

Stephanie - I’m sorry

Holly - I'm sorry! I've had 2 miscarriages. One at 6 weeks and one at 10. The one at 6 weeks happened in the shower then was like a heavy period. The one at 10 weeks was a little more traumatic for me. I was at church and ran to the bathroom. The blood was everywhere. The emotions and cramps lasted a a lot longer.

Kaylene - I had a very similar experience I’ll DM you. I chose d&c and recovery was not bad.

Rachel - I’m so sorry!!

Rebecca - I am so sorry Tiffanie! Thinking about you and your family today ❤️❤️ You are a strong mama!!

Katie - So sorry! It’s hard at even just a few weeks along. Mine naturally delivered at about the same time along in the pregnancy which went smoothly at home so I can’t speak to a d&c.

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I'm sure there will be more advice in the coming days, but that was great for now. After reading all of those and other private messages sent to me, and after talking with family and friends, I am just feeling really grateful and supported right now. It is hard, and it's ok to cry and mourn and I will. I will let the tears come if and when they need to. I'm kicking myself that I didn't seem to record my miscarriage in Costa Rica, so now as I'm trying to remember what happened that time, I've only got 10 year old memory to go off of, and that's not very reliable. I can't find if I put it in a journal anywhere. But I remember it was in October 2010, I was 10 weeks. I think that is what this one will probably be. I'm really grateful that it miscarried so early on, I think it would be harder the more time put in to the pregnancy. Did you read Laura's experience above?!? - miscarried at 39 weeks... I seriously would bawl my eyes out for a month. We all face our trials in different ways, but we can face them. There are many people who are here to help us, and God is willing to help and comfort us too.