My Monday

Saturday when I was on my way home from the temple, it occurred to me that I hadn't felt sick yet that day and I was so excited! I've made it through the morning sickness! Yay! Sunday, took a nap, but felt very well also. I resolved that this week I'd start living my normal life again - gonna exercise in the mornings, take a daily bath (!!!) clean the house and get the kids to clean, too!!! Yes, I'm not going to be worthless anymore. I'm back in the saddle again!

So this morning I woke up and went to do this Bodyrock routine - only 12 minutes, intense enough to be a workout, I'd take it easy on the jumping lunges - I did some jumps, some just step back lunges. Then after that workout I did 20 minutes of light jump rope and plank holds. Well, I guess I pushed too hard... I came home, took a shower, ate some bean soup, then as I started to the next order of business of cleaning the house I felt something warm and wet that was not supposed to be felt... I went to the bathroom and there was some spotting. Crap!

I hadn't been in for an ultrasound yet but honestly, I was going to do it this week, I promise. I promised my sister in law Chalane that I would, I told her I was going to go this week cause I was tired of being on edge not knowing, having my guard up from the miscarriage in Costa Rica. Yesterday I even talked to my friend, Carola, at church about where to go. You gotta believe me (I'm pleading with Corey here) I'm not trying to be a careless pregnant woman! I laid down on the bed with some tp to soak up anything else and that was quickly drenched along with my pants, changed my clothes again, I was crying and in the bathroom by myself saying "Crap! I'm so sorry!" More blood drips out... "Crap! I'm so sorry!!" I think I was apologizing to the baby for killing it, then I cried some more. I got a hold of Carola and got the address of the hospital she mentioned and then left Corey with all the kids while I went and tried to get an appointment and see what I could do.

Off to Integramedica at 12:30. It is part of the Alto Las Condes Mall. You walk into what looks like another shop, walk past the information counter and back to an elevator, then you go up to a whole hospital that is built on top of the mall (I think) - maybe they're just connected through that little tunnel? I don't know, I was turned around, but found my way to the 6th floor for Gynecology. Told the lady I didn't have an appointment but needed an ultrasound cause I'm pregnant, should be 11 weeks today, but I've been (start to tear and choke up talking to her... Keep it together Tiff!!) bleeding this morning. Is there a way to see a doctor? She asks for my info, my RUT number (like Social Security Numbers) I don't have one, Your passport number then, doh! I forgot my passport, I let her help who's next while I excuse myself to call Corey and get my passport number.

Got it, okay, you have an appointment at 1:00 (in 15 minutes) then she mentions the appointment to the doctor who was passing by in the hall, he mumbles something to her as he's hidden from my view, she goes to her computer again, You have an appointment for 2:00. Is that okay? Yes, that's fine. I leave and go to the bathroom to check on my status (I'm wearing one of Lily's diapers) and more blood. I'm crying in the bathroom. I leave for the elevator, put on my sunglasses, and go crying but trying not to cry and look for a place where I can cry outloud without being ashamed. I didn't want to go to the car though, so I walk through the parking lot and am lost and almost get killed (not really) crossing the 4 lane entrance to the parking lot from the Kennedy ramp, finally find a sidewalk and am able to get to the little park with benches that I was looking for on the little grassy area between north and south roads of traffic on Padre Hurtado Avenue. I sat, cried, prayed, and read the parts of Alma 31 that I've highlighted for myself for when I'm in situations like this:

verse 30 "...O Lord, wilt thou give me strength, that I may abear with mine infirmities. For I am infirm..."

verse 31 "...O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me..."

verse 32 "O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto (Corey) success (with MovieMouth... I pray for that alot), and also my (children) who are with me—yea, (Joseph, Melodie, Ethan, Hyrum, Wesley, Abi and Lily - Melodie and Hyrum were really sad Sunday night, really homesick for Utah, and I know the others are too, so I thought I'd insert their names in this scripture as I read it) —yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ."

verse 33 "Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them..."

verse 38 "And the Lord provided for them ... yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith.

So I read that and it left me thinking... Alma's prayers were answered according to his faith. Sometimes I think if I have faith, I can have control over things that I want or don't want to happen. But what about the "... But if not". He can do it, but sometimes he doesn't. That's where our test of faith comes in - Daniel 3:17-18 . Faced with one of the greatest trials of their lives, these men knew that God had the power to deliver them. They believed He would. But even if He didn’t – if the miracle never happened – they would rather be burned alive than forsake their faith. So true faith is not contingent on results. True faith is more than just believing that God can and will empower and deliver us in life. It is acting on that belief whether he does or not. Corey gave me a priesthood blessing before I left that whatever happened I would know that the Lord was in it. I knew that God could let the baby still be alive. He has the power to do that. But if he didn't let me keep this pregnancy, I would be okay. With my crying under control, a cool breeze started to blow, and I thanked the Lord for the wind. Then I tried to love the things I didn't love, like the traffic noise. I thought of loving everything around me like Meg Johnson did when she was in the hospital (Something Corey listened to on the Mormon Channel this week that he shared with all of us yesterday - you should listen to that interview - on that link click on the top "Listen to Episode 9" or click here, I think that should work, very inspiring!)

Anyway, so after that time on my little bench, I was calm and comforted and ready to go back into the Mall and didn't cry anymore the rest of the time. I bought myself some Sour Jelly Bellys and a lightly glazed croissant just cause (in effort to produce any serotonin or other happy hormones that I could to help lower any stress that might have caused the bleeding.) Yummy croissant btw.

At 1:50, I was back up on the 6th floor - I paid to see the doctor and then she called me back. A very nice doctor, and after meeting her I was glad that the doctor at 1:00 couldn't see me, eventhough I was pretty ticked at him at first. I thought he was really mean and selfish. But now I was glad, cause he didn't look as nice as the lady doctor and I don't think I would have been as comfortable with him.

So, she asked me a few questions. She looked at me like I was a very naughty girl that I hadn't seen a doctor or had lab work done or done anything yet regarding this pregnancy. I laughed a little bit to myself, thinking of Brian Regan... ("What should you have done?") She was disappointed, but she was cute and I could tell she liked me and I knew she was there to help me. Then as we continued out talk it was revealed that with my pregnancy/miscarriage in Costa Rica that I hadn't gone to a doctor then either, before the miscarriage or after (she looked at me over her glasses like a librarian and like I was from another planet and did not use common sense that earthlings use.) Then she said "...so this will be your first baby?" "No, the eighth..." and she stopped, looked at me over her glasses again and like I was from another planet again, but for a different reason this time. She didn't say anything, so I said again, "I have 7 ninos." "Siete..." said like a question and a statement of disbelief, she was funny. So then I felt better and I think she didn't think I was as careless as she thought at first, cause I've obviously got experience with pregnancy and know a little bit of how it goes and what's going on. :)

She did an exam, said could tell I had been bleeding, but looked okay, she felt my tummy and said it felt big like their could be a viable pregnancy in there. She got her thing to hear the heartbeat, and there was a heartbeat. We were both very happy! I was very grateful, I am very grateful. Thank you, dear Lord. She sent me down to floor 4 for an ultrasound, and everything is okay. I'm under orders to rest for 5 days, so no more morning workouts, I will be more careful.

And now I'm back on my back. So that was my Monday, a day of highs and lows, trying to learn about faith again - I'm sure I'll be needing these lessons my whole life. Thank you Lord for this baby. And I promise I will be more careful!