Heaven and Hell

Corey read this on the news this morning and is the one who broke the tragic news to us at breakfast. I was making sandwiches for lunch when he said he wanted to tell us something but didn't want me to spend the rest of the day at the computer. "...okay..." I said wondering what the news could be. When he told me I just froze and looked at him in disbelief. Every once in awhile an event comes along that just knocks you flat.

We've talked with our kids about this terrible situation before, we watched Josh's interview on Dateline, and have followed updates on the case in the news - this morning continued our discussion with the kids about life, death, and choices. My heart especially breaks for Susan's parent's, Chuck and Judy Cox. They are the ones left behind on earth to endure the sadness and heartbreak. Our prayers are with them right now. I know they they will find comfort through our Savior, as He is the only one who knows fully their pain. I know they will find peace in the knowledge that those sweet boys are with Susan in Paradise.

I also know that Josh is in "spirit prison" a.k.a. hell. I'm not saying that with a "glad he got what's coming to him" attitude or vengeful feelings. I don't hate him, Susan's parents didn't hate him, the problem wasn't with them or with Mormons or neighbors or news bias or anyone who was calling it as they saw it - they were trying to help because they could see the danger and sadness of where it was leading and sadly, despite the best efforts of many people, it has come to pass. Josh refused to accept help, correction, or to look in the mirror. He pointed to others as being the ones with the problems. But the problem was with him and he refused to change his actions, and that is what destroyed his family here on earth and will continue to destroy and torment him. I pity him.

Sarah LaNelle Menet talks about spirit prison in her book "There is No Death". I read this book while Corey was in Chile and read chapter 3 with the kids at night, the part where she describes her visit to "hell". A little background - Sarah tried to commit suicide cause her life was miserable. She had had a terrible childhood and was abused by her father, life didn't get better as she grew up and got married and realized she had married an abusive man just like her father, anyway, I won't go into more details, but she didn't believe in heaven or hell, and since she hated life just wanted it to be done and over with, so she took a lot of pills and died. She found herself in a peaceful sort of in-between place for a while, then a deceased relative comes to tell her "you're not supposed to be here, you have to go back" to which she cries and refuses, then she's sucked into a "spirit prison" - it's dark, she hears what she thought at first was tortured animals but then realizes it's people, she feels claustrophobic like she's stuck in a thick heavy goo surrounding her, as she slowly moves around she asked in her mind "Am I in Hell?"

Quoting from the book:

The answer came quickly. No, this is not Hell, exactly. This was a place of temporary confinement for those spirits who had committed acts of evil during their lives on earth and, having not repented of them had to suffer for their choices. Here they suffered a penalty for their sins that would help them understand the broad consequences of evil. People on earth referred to this place as hell because it is so very horrifying, but here they called it spirit prison.

I understood that there were several areas to this spirit prison, and I was in the worst part of this place of sorrow. I was also impressed with the thought that the entire spirit prison was huge. ...

People who had committed heinous, horrible crimes against other human beings were locked into this terrible place where they would for a period of time feel the pain they had inflicted upon others, but that pain was enormously multiplied. They were in an agony beyond mortal comprehension. I also understood that many of those held there were still filled with the hate and anger that had consumed them while upon the earth. I was somehow permitted to feel a small part of their emotions. The desire to murder, inflict pain, and destroy that they felt in their earth lives had remained with them, but they were now prevented from committing those acts because of their spirit nature. I understood that you could not physically hurt a spirit, good or evil.

I asked, How could a loving God put any of His children in a place like this no matter what they had done? The answer came immediately to me: God did not put them in this place. Their own actions drew them here. I then understood that somehow their evil deeds and desires while in mortality caused them to be attracted and pulled to this dreadful fate.

While feeling overwhelmed by my surroundings, something very strange seemed to come over me. I began to feel very badly for them. The strangeness of what I was feeling was the fact that I had never felt sympathy for anyone back on earth. My attitude had always been that it was a dog-eat-dog world, I was going to take care of myself and let everyone else get along the best they could. But here I was feeling sincere empathy and concern for those around me. I wanted to help them in some way, but there was nothing I could do.

Ok, I'll stop there with the quote, continue on page 57 if you get the book. But I will also tell you that while she was in Hell, she stood next to her father, her father who had abused her and who, when he was dying of cancer and asked her to forgive him, she (page 14) "let all the hate pour or of me and I told him that he was responsible for my horrible childhood and the reason I could not function as an adult. I blamed him for every mistake I had ever made. To my utter astonishment, in the middle of my tirade, he held out his arms and asked me to forgive him. What a nerve he had! I said 'I hate you and am so glad you are dying. I am glad that you are in pain and I will never visit your grave'... " She didn't attend his funeral and didn't shed a tear, she thought that now that the nightmare was over, she could make something of her life.

So, I just told that for background, so you'd know her feelings for him, but while she stood next to him in hell, she was able to feel (page 58) "a small part of the pain that he was feeling for the life he lived. It was so completely overwhelming and excruciating that even 22 years after that experience I can still feel the pain my father felt. ... I felt so sorry for my father that I wanted to put my arms around him, perhaps to give him some comfort of understanding that I had forgiven him, but I didn't. Because I couldn't touch him, I just stood there feeling his desire to change what he had done to me. Now he had real sorrow for his choices and the pain he inflicted on others. I realized that he was repenting, but it was excruciatingly painful and slow. It would take a very long time. Once again I realized that we not only feel the pain of what we have personally done in our lives, but we also feel the pain that we have inflicted upon others--from their perspective. The unspeakable regret and torment these spirits were suffering was because of this ability to feel what others feel."

So those are some of the thoughts that have been on my mind this morning after hearing about Josh Powell's actions yesterday. Small bad choices, if not corrected, lead to bigger wrong choices as adults, which for some people lead them to take the lives of their wife and children. My job as a mom is to help my kids learn right and wrong while they are young and the consequences are small. So it breaks my heart that Josh did this. I can't believe it, but how do you reach someone who is so lost? I can't understand it, how a parent could destroy their children. My heart aches as I think of what the boys were thinking and feeling as they burned. Josh is feeling those fears and pains from the perspective of his children, his sweet innocent children. Fears are a lot bigger and worse to kids, I can only imagine, so sad.

Also made me think of Alma 14 - Alma and Amulek preached of Christ and those that believed were burned by the non-believers. Amulek wanted to stop the fire and save them, but (verse 11) "Alma said unto him: The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgements which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day."

5-year-old Braden and 7-year-old Charlie, they are in Paradise now with their mother, received in glory. Josh was allowed to do this to them according to the hardness of his heart. This was his choice, his action, and God's judgements will be according to His justice and mercy.