Reset

Quick update on my non-viable pregnancy from a week ago... I was telling myself that I had up until 11 weeks to pass it before I'd consider going in for a d&c. Thankfully I started spotting last night, and then a little more this morning. Then around 10 I started bleeding. I had a zoom consult call with Laura Dixon at 11 and right after that was done at 11:40, I stood up, and I could feel it coming. I hurried in to the bathroom and a ton of stuff came out. So it appears to have all gone well and I am feeling fine, and am trying to keep my mind and spirit tune to how my body is feeling, and so far so good and I don't think I'm bleeding abnormally or hemorrhaging or anything, so hopefully things will continue to be fine. I thought I'd have an emotional day when I miscarried, but I haven't been on a roller coaster of emotions and I'm feeling really great. It probably helped that I shared this trial with friends on facebook, and I tribute my lifted spirit to the prayers that might be going up on my behalf. Even if friends aren't praying for me, I know my family and neighbors are, and I have truly felt buoyed up the past week and today. 

So I think that I'm doing so great because of prayer, and for that I sincerely thank anyone and everyone, and I am also doing great because in preparation for this consultation call with Laura today, I spent a lot of time this past week listening to her podcast and I think that has helped me a ton. So in addition to my body doing a reset, I feel like I'm having a mental reset from the things that I've been learning from her podcast. I shall now attempt to articulate some of what I feel I have been learning. 

First of all, I learned about her from one of her facebook ads. I subscribed to her emails from that, then I started listening to podcast episodes and I had a goal to really get through a lot of them before my consult with her today. I started over from the beginning and listened to the first dozen, but also the here and there ones that had interesting titles to me. A few of the first key ones that resonated with me were: 

• #37: Food Brain
• #41: Making Friends with Hunger
• #43: 5 Emotions of a Naturally Thin Mind
• #47 Pleasure Match. 

So, confession: I have a food brain! And I think I've had it my entire life. I'm going to ponder and maybe type up sometime all these weird memories I have regarding food and my weight, like this has been going on as long as I can remember. This obsession with food has carried over into me trying diets of every kind, exercise programs of every kind, and my mind has been so preoccupied and drained by thinking about what I can and can't eat and what I need to eat and what I shouldn't eat and "darn it, I gave in to temptation and ate way too much of that, now I better go run 4 miles" - like it is nuts and my brain and body have been stuck here for a long time. This relationship with food has been holding me back as a mother, as a homemaker, and holding me back from achieving. I'm not trying to keep up with anyone else or race against anyone else, I'm just trying to live up to my own standards, and I fall short and then I beat myself up. I'm going to keep listening and learning, but I think this lady's podcast and insights might be a game changer for me. This could be what I've been missing. It's not about another diet book or exercise program - IT IS ABOUT GETTING MY THINKING RIGHT and to stop this food obsession that I didn't realize I had. I'm on week 3 of becoming aware of my thinking and Corey will testify of the difference it has made so far in our home. I'm doing things that I want to do that I didn't have energy for before cause my brain was exhausted from my food obsession. I already feel better inside, but also I'm reading to my kids, doing my girls hair, organizing and clearing out clutter, like all these things that I needed help with - it wasn't another home organization system that I needed, I just needed to free up my mind from food and then I have naturally started to be so much more productive in every area. I'm excited for where I am right now and for what I'm learning, and I'm excited for what this year will hold as I keep exploring this.