Halloween Parade

Today was the elementary Halloween parade. 

Corey and Sophi are home, they got back yesterday at 2:28. And Corey was still in bed when it was time for me to go, so I could have taken his car, but I didn't want to wake him to ask him and also didn't want him to not have his car in case he woke up and wanted to go exercise or something, so I walked over to the school with Kat in the umbrella stroller, and I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I probably sound pathetic all the moping that I do in my head, but just trying to keep it real for myself when I look back at these days and wonder if it was hard or how I handled it. YES, it's hard, it totally sucks, and I'm sooo tired of it (I have a few written journals where I really vent) but I try to keep on keeping on. But yes, it's hard. See my post from Sunday of the things that are hard for me right now. Most of it comes down to money and could be fixed with a large direct deposit to our bank account. But I'm also trying to trust in the Lord and not my bank balance. 

Anyway, getting ready for the parade. Daniel was a ghost, but he didn't want people to be able to see his eyes through the holes. So he got black sun glasses. Then he didn't want people to see his skin around the glasses, so, as once before, we fixed that with a little bit of black permanent marker. 

They headed off to the bus stop, I walked over with Kat. I'm grateful it wasn't unbearably cold. Kat had a chair with her stroller, so I guess it's good I walked over with that. We were by the west door where the parade began. The Brighton Drum line started the parade off, which was awesome. I want to play the drums, it's so fun. After we saw both Peter and Daniel pass, we left to enter the school for Peter's Halloween performance. Daniel is the white ghost in the middle there.

Into the school for the 2nd grade program where they teach us all about Halloween. 

Peter was front and center. He did a great job and was happy to have a Jack Skeleton mask to wear that he and I fixed up this morning. Peter with some friends after the program. 

And a pic with his teacher, who was dressed as Michael Jackson and looked SO awesome, I want to get that costume for next year.

Katharine admiring the crown that Evan's mom was wearing. She quickly shared it with Katharine.

Then Katharine wanted a photo with Peter's teacher, so we got another one. 

Ms Tiff might be your teacher in a few years Katharine!

When I got home, Corey was still here, so I could have taken his car. But it's good to get steps in. I maybe would have liked to use my time differently? If I got home quicker could I have gone to exercise at the rec center? Had there not been the school parade and program this morning, I might have tried to go on a ride somehow, but instead I decided to wait until kids were home. Kat watched Elena while we waited for that. I layed on the floor to rest while I waited for time to pass. I should have set an alarm to leave at 1, but I waited for the noise of kids coming home to alert me that it was time to go. Well, they weren't noisy when they got home. I say "they" cause it should have been Owen and Natalie, but it was just Owen, and when he got home and sat to watch the show with Kat. Natalie didn't ask to stay after school (prob wise on her part cause I would have said no) so then around 1:30 I got up wondering if N&O were back. Owen was, ugh, why didn't I leave yet, and I got ready to go on a ride. I texted Natalie to come home with Lily and Sophi. Then I saw that the forecast said rain, doh I should have left earlier. I was kicking myself. I saw D&P on their way to a friends house after getting off the bus as I passed by on my bike. At a mile in, I got a text from a friend saying they were on their way over for the playdate I had asked for last Saturday (after D was nagging me at Owen's soccer game). Doh, I prob need to head home. Natalie called and asked why she needed to come home with Lily and could she stay later. Lily was on her way, and Natalie said Lily said she could babysit, ok fine. I call Lily and tell her the plan. She needs to go back for the football game at 4 though. Ok, it was past 2, I should be back by then. Then it started to rain, and I knew rain was forecast for the next 4 hours, so I gave up and accepted that yeah, a ride is not happening today. I got home, texted the mom of the two friends that were here that I was home now. I blogged and did computer stuff until date night. We went to Aubergine. My computer stuff today was looking for clothes. When I was blogging this past week and putting links to things in Sunday's post, I was googling a lot yesterday trying to find a shirt like the one that I wore biking and on the drive home after Joseph's wedding. I've been thinking for years that I really liked that shirt and I don't know what ever happened to it. I miss it, it was one of my favorites. Joseph bought it originally and then donated it to the family and I took it, so that was a clue - men's shirt. I have a similar shirt still in my closet, but grey instead of navy, and the shirt label says the brand is Goodfellow & Co. Size was small. More googling helped me get even more specific as I narrowed it down (I didn't want 3/4 sleeve): "Goodfellow & Co Navy Body with Burgundy Raglan Long Sleeve Tee" so I have now found some similar ones at Walmart dot com and enjoyed putting those in my online cart. I find that just putting stuff in my cart is helpful, and then in a week or so I go back and sometimes I don't want or need it anymore. I also put some stainless steel chopsticks in my cart, per Sophi's request. I would have gone shopping for groceries today cause were low on food, but I don't have a car anyway, Lily took it to the football game. It was nice having a car while I did. 

A few pics from yesterday. Sophi sharing treats she brought back from Korea. Some of them were cough drops, not candies, haha. I guess that happens when you don't know the language or their alphabet.

And Owen teaching Katharine how to play the pocket trumpet last night. 

She did really good! I was impressed she was able to get a sound out of it, cause I can't! Good job Kat.

Did Better

Katharine's friend Becca came over to play today and they played so great together. 

They had fun playing and I got stuff done too! I was grateful for that because yesterday had been a waste and I was struggling most of the day. 

Natalie had her ballroom/dance Halloween concert tonight at 6:30. I went, go me, and Wayne came too. Natalie here dancing to "Spooky Spooky Skeleton". 

She liked the dresses for that number cause they twirled out really far. After her concert, Wayne took us and one of Natalie's friends to Menchie's and treated us all to some soft serve. I haven't been to Menchie's before but I like it - it's like Yogurt Stop and Red Mango. Natalie was a little sad that none of her siblings came. I was late because I went on a 4pm ride up the canyon, and when I got home, I hurried and cleaned myself up and called to the children to hurry and get ready if they wanted to come. As I went to the car, no one cared or was getting on their shoes, so I left without them. Sorry Natalie, maybe one or two can come Friday morning? If dad goes to that one? 

So I'm still trying to soak up the last moments of fall. One thing I wanted to share was that I listened to the Follow Him podcast on the climb (Jeremiah 31–39; Lamentations 1; 3 with Sister Alyssa Edwardson) and they share a little bit about Kris Belcher (starts at 31:00), and she had cancer as a child that took one eye, and cancer returned as an adult to take sight from her remaining eye. And Hank shared this thought that he had about that - "How would it feel knowing that you had a week left to SEE..." and as he said that, I looked up at the mountain full of fall colors before me and the tears just started to run down my cheeks. 

What a hard trial, but such beautiful words she shared "Don't allow your heart to be hardened by hard times. Make the choice to turn to Christ."

Mildly Functional

Here I am at 1:50 am Wednesday morning, Oct 28, but we're going to post this for Tuesday the 27th. I went to bed tonight at the same time as Katharine, 10:15pm, but she wanted me to lay down next to her, which was on the floor, thus uncomfortable, so around midnight my aching body woke me up and I went to get into my bed. Then I remembered I needed to shape my 4 loaves of sourdough or they'd be very exploded by morning. So I went down to the kitchen to do that and see Hyrum is still awake. He came by to visit today and it's been nice having a fellow adult around. We talked while I shaped 4 lovely loaves (I've really got the sourdough thing down now. I gave out 3 loaves today and they were all perfect). H and I talked about life and school, what his options are, how he hoped he'd be married by now, and that's why he's putting off graduation a bit, cause he's not sure what his next step is, but he's not feeling challenged by his internship and not learning anything there. I think he should go study abroad at BYU Jerusalem! We looked and the applications are accepted like this weekend! Perfect timing! AND it would start April 26, so that is also perfect cause I can fly out with him as a birthday present to myself! Ok, maybe not, but if Hyrum was over there, I'm positive Corey and I would try to make it out there as well to visit him, which would be AMAZING! Yes Hyrum, this is a good idea. He's trying to keep it cool about school, work, and finding his future wife (she'll be at Jerusalem Hyrum!) but like all young folks, he over thinks a lot. But I get it, these are big decisions! I laughed and said I felt like that all day today, captured perfectly by this Instagram Reel that I saw around 4pm, which captures my stress levels about our life - I'm trying to be chill and supportive, yeah no big deal that we're broke, go to Korea! but while I'm giving the thumbs up, I've thought through and processed a dozen bad endings in my mind. "I’m Chalant about a lot of things" so I showed that to him at 12:45 am, transcribed here for your reading pleasure:

I may appear nonchalant but I assure you I am chalanting about a lot of things. Just because I said "it’s all good" doesn’t mean it’s all good. It means I’ve decided not to make everybody else’s problem at this exact moment. There’s a difference. On the outside. I’m calm, relaxed, unbothered, "whatever happens happens" while on the inside, I’ve already imagined 14 possible outcomes, I've prepared responses for each one, and somehow have gotten my feelings hurt by a conversation that hasn’t even happened yet. I’m extremely chalant, I’m just doing it privately. Somebody takes a little longer than usual to text me back "No worries! You’re probably busy." Meanwhile, I’ve noticed a change in response time, the missing emoji, and the fact that they use a period instead of an exclamation mark. I’m not confronting anybody though, but the investigation is active. And when somebody asked "Are you OK?" "Yeah! Why?" because apparently my face has leaked classified information. and the worst part is when I pretend not to care about something I absolutely care about. "I’ll do whatever you want!" Now why would I say that? I know perfectly well that I have a preferred outcome, I’ve just chose chosen to make it a surprise exam and if somebody cancels plans, I’ll say "No problem at all!" which might actually be true because sometimes I wanted to stay home anyway, but now I need to know why you canceled, not because I’m upset, but because I’m chalant. There’s a distinction." 

Hyrum seems so chill and non-chalant, but he's chalant about a lot of things, and he'll tell you some of his true feelings if it's late and quiet enough to pick his brain! Then we watched a few other of his saved reels and it was funny, like Birthday Spider-Man, Crush the can, and the last one I sent him was Pinky the cat up for adoption, which I remember crying with laughter about a few years ago. I also sent him this one today, this is me!

So now it's 2:20 am. I've set the oven to start preheating at 5:25, so it will be ready at 5:55, so I'm setting my alarm for 5:50 so I can go score them and put them in at 5:55 so that the LNO will have some fresh bread ready for breakfast before they leave for school at 6:40, so I should probably go to bed now. But Corey's sleep schedule is going to be all messed up when he gets back, so I'm just prepping myself so I can keep him company.

Here's stuff that I had typed up earlier today before I went to bed the first time. Goodnight!

Tuesday/today/actually yesterday I was only a mildly functional pigeon. That statement comes from Davide De Pierro who is so funny and so clever in the thoughts he shares. I was scrolling a bit this afternoon when Owen had some friends here and I was trapped, tell you about that in a second, and you know sometimes when it seems like a lot of the reels just hit the spot. "I'm not a morning person or a night person. There are a few minutes in the afternoon where I'm decent and that's about it." Well, that was today. I was decent for a few minutes this afternoon, other than that I pretty much wasted the day away.

Haha he says he's not a night owl or an early bird, he's a mildly functional pigeon, so I'm adding that to the bird people - an afternoon pigeon. He says around 1pm he is feeling a little bit of energy and ready to work, make some goals, improve his life, and that lasts for a few minutes while he waits for his lunch to reheat, and then he's ready for a nap. (That one was really funny but it's been deleted for some reason, sniff). I spent most of the morning reading my scriptures, so that was good, then I let K watch Elena of Avalor for too long. I struggle even listening to that show in the background, it's pretty annoying. But K likes it. She came over to me close to tears for episode where this pink giant dolphin thing and it's baby dolphin were hunted and the baby was caught in a net by a bad king. Ok found it - the giant pink dolphin things are Marposas. It's from episode S1:E8 Royal Retreat, bad guy is King Hector. Anyway, that was cute that she was so sensitive about it. But we're not watching Elena tomorrow. Bluey I love, Elena is a bit much. 

This morning around 10:30 I got a call and several texts from Owen's classmates parents, cause Owen and three other boys have a group project for drama that is due on Thursday. Personally, I don't think they should have homework that involves parental participation. Kids need to own it, work it out, each kid asks their own parent if it sounds good, I'm ok with that. ...but for me and these parents to be scheduling playdates homework dates felt wrong. But me and this guy are texting to coordinate when our kids can get together and when they'll pick him up, I offer to do it here, I also said we could bring/give their son a ride to our house with our carpool. I felt I had done my part. Then there were 2 other boys that needed to come. One parent dropped her boy off, and then that boy told me his parent's can't get him and he needs a ride home. Well no one told me, that's not my problem, so good luck cause I never agreed to anything. I did my part already. Well I wanted to leave to exercise, but couldn't with these kids here. And then the mom did text me to ask if I could take him home. ok fine... I was waiting for the other kids mom to come get him, then thought if they both live by churchill then this kid that needs a ride could go with them. She said she was on her way, and since I thought that was true and she was probably almost here (it had been 15 min) I texted and said there was another kid that needed a ride, so I can bring her kid in case they live close to each other. Then she texted that that would be great for me to give him a ride (so I guess she wasn't on her way, boo) and they live between us and the other kid, but they lived almost in Murray, so what was going to be a 30 min obligation for me (to take the one kid home) turned into a 50 min thing cause now I was dropping off this other kid and his home was NOT on the way, though I guess it was in between us, the way the tip of a pyramid is in between the two points on the base. Ok, let's go and get this over with so I can go exercise. I dropped ODP off at activity days at the church, with Natalie and Katharine at the church too to play in the nursery, then I took the two boys home. I tried to make small talk, but I'm an introvert so I'm not a pro. After that, I was very tempted to go buy some hardship ice cream and eat it all, but instead I went to the rec center where I did upper and lower and really pushed myself, AND I didn't buy ice cream on the way home either, so I did pretty good processing my stress at the end of the day. I'll try to processes it during the day as the burdens come so that I don't waste so much of my day being mildly functional like today. I don't know if that story made sense, but basically, I wasted time today, so if I'm not going to value my time, God  might give me little time wasting errands that will help me be of service to other people. OR next time, I can just be productive on my own. I'm also giving myself some grace too - I might be trying to cope wit Corey gone, and/or hormones and perimenopause? Who knows... but I was not being productive, and then when I was ready to be productive, I had to drive those kids home and lost almost an hour of "my" time. So I want to do better at using my time wisely.

When I got back from exercising, L&N were home. Lily missed school today (took carpool, but went to work on her online class at Wayne's again) and then picked up carpool this afternoon. She didn't go in to work cause of her class. Natalie and Kat walked home after going to play in the nursery at the church. I had told Kat she could come with me to drop off Owen's friends, but then she went to the church, but when she got home she was sad that I left without her and she cried herself to sleep in the corner, found her there by the piano.

I picker her up to wake her so she'll go to bed, and she's ok. The activity that Owen, Daniel and Peter went over for was carving pumpkins. Looking good Daniel.

Nice work Peter!

Peter isn't supposed to attend until he's 8, but he's almost 8, and all his 2nd grade friends go, so I've let him go a few times when he's wanted to. 

Scriptures tonight. O had already gone to bed and layed there to listen.

It was a bit chaotic when I paused and looked around - each kid was busy doing something... Kat detangling some string...

Hyrum flipping a lego trophy...

Lily at her computer, Natalie laying down and also tossing a pen in the air. 

Daniel up on his bed with a fidget spinner on his toe

Yes, a bit chaotic, but we're doing pretty good. Corey and Sophi are 15 hours ahead of us in Seoul, so right now it's Wednesday morning/afternoon. They're on their last day. They fly out "tomorrow" for them, on Thursday at 6:40 pm, and will be arriving in SL at 2:47 pm, also on Thursday! Kinda weird how that works, they'll be jumping back in time. 

Jeju Island

Corey and Sophi went to Jeju Island today. 

It's like the Hawaii of South Korea. This is Corey's friend Byungchul

And his lovely wife. Seeing some sights on the island.

And enjoying lots of new and interesting food!

Sophi is enjoying using chopsticks when they can. 

And still happy to see sights and stores that remind them of home. Paris Baguette - that means they're thinking of Abi again!

I've noticed that in Abi's emails, like the one she sent today, that she gives a quick little summary, aka her little list of "a few happenings" which I like cause it's a good quick way to record events without having to go into detail on it all, so I like that and I'm going to try to incorporate that here. Though I'll start my happenings list when I've actually got happenings to report, not like today. Maybe Abi gets enough for a list cause she's reporting after a whole week of stuff, and if I'm just doing day to day, I might not have enough for a list. I'll use a happenings list if I get behind.

Today was just the mostly normal school for the kids and I also went on a bike ride. Lily took and picked up carpool but didn't attend her classes today. She went to Wayne's do school work. She needs to finish an online BYU class asap before Priority deadline for college applications next Monday night. She's shooting to get it done before Corey gets back on Thurs. So for my ride, I drove Corey's car with Velocirax to the trailhead and then rode my bike up to the ruins from there. It's still pretty with autumn colors.

I did Techy twice to get another mile in, since I skipped the 4+ miles from home to the trailhead. That part of the ride is boring and not that pretty anyway, so I don't mind skipping it. I am enjoying having a car. Lily is too. I'm mentally trying to prep myself to not be in a bad mood when I don't have a car anymore after Corey gets back. I know I can coordinate with Lily so I have the van if/when I ever need it, but I usually don't need it, and I also don't want to coordinate anyway, so I'd rather just let her take it and I'll wait until she comes back, and then I can be impulsive. I've been a little "let's see what the day brings" while Corey's been gone, so just trying to keep things steady with no plans to do anything extra while I'm a single parent. 

Two Hymns

I enjoyed church today. In Relief Society we discussed Elder Clement Matswagothata's (<-- amazing conversion story!) conference message "He Knows You by Name" and we were asked how we feel known by Jesus and what things have helped us know Him. I commented that when I memorized The Living Christ, that is something that helps me think of him on an almost daily basis, cause I recite it when I drive, when I swim, when I walk, when I bike, when I'm trying to fall asleep... it is in my brain and I can use it whenever I want. I especially think of Christ when I'm by the creek and remember the line "His voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters..." and ponder on what that means. So that's one thing from church, and then I also enjoyed the closing hymn we sang at the close of sacrament meeting, I went on a walk this afternoon and thought I should memorize that hymn cause of how it touched me. Songs are easy to memorize and call on, more than scripture verses I memorize, so I'm going to focus on memorizing hymns, and make them my personal psalms that I can draw upon when I need the Lord to come to me. So at church the closing hymn was Hymn #83 Guide Us O Thou Great Jehovah, it made me tear up, so I guess I'm feeling something... Some of the lines I liked "Thou art able" and the idea from verse two for Jesus to open Zion's fountains and let her blessings flow...

1. Guide us, O thou great Jehovah,
Guide us to the promised land.
We are weak, but thou art able;
Hold us with thy pow’rful hand.
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit,
Feed us till the Savior comes,
Feed us till the Savior comes.

2. Open, Jesus, Zion’s fountains;
Let her richest blessings come.
Let the fiery, cloudy pillar
Guard us to this holy home.
Great Redeemer, Great Redeemer,
Bring, oh, bring the welcome day,
Bring, oh, bring the welcome day!

3. When the earth begins to tremble,
Bid our fearful thoughts be still;
When thy judgments spread destruction,
Keep us safe on Zion’s hill,
Singing praises, Singing praises,
Songs of glory unto thee,
Songs of glory unto thee.

So part of what I'm feeling is weariness at the messes and broken stuff of our home. One of my siblings this past week was talking with my parents about the house they are still in (since 1980) was their starter home. And the pity party part of my natural man felt sorry for myself cause we haven't had a starter home. Is there a "promised land" for us, a "holy home" (both from that hymn)? But I try to remember to recognize that God has been good to us in giving us a place to raise our family in and to feel like we've have wonderful roots established here. 

So around 4 I left for a mountain walk and was gone until after sunset. 

I took over a dozen photos. Two here.

I didn't see another person out there until the very end. I was able to enjoy the colors and sing to myself and pray. I also looked up and was singing His Eye is on the Sparrow cause that is one I remember liking a few months ago. After reading the lyrics I know this is one that would be good for me to memorize as well: 

Hymn # 1005 His Eye Is on the Sparrow

1. Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy—
I sing because I’m free—
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

2. “Let not your heart be troubled.”
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubt and fear.
Though by the path He leadeth,
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy—
I sing because I’m free—
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

3. Whenever I am tempted,
Whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
When hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him;
From care He sets me free: 
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy—
I sing because I’m free—
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Corey called when I got back to the car, 7pm Sunday evening for us = 10 am Monday morning for him and Sophi in Korea. They are hanging out with our friend Byungchul and are going to go see a volcano on Jeju-si, an island that is south of mainland South Korea, that is larger than Oahu of the Hawaiian Islands. A few pics of their Sunday, visiting a ward in Korea.

Mel said we need to teach Sophi how to smile for the camera. A pic by Paris Baguette for Abi -

After I got back home, Hyrum was packing up his stuff to go back to Wayne's so I told Corey I'd call him back. I told the kids to come say goodbye to H. 

He didn't come to church today and we've hardly seen him. He's been in the basement not feeling well. A bit of a man cold, plus probably needs to recover from his Iceland trip. The kids have been down there playing since he left. I'm a little scared to see the damage they've done. I went down earlier and they had made a huge mess of the costumes from when they got ready for the Granite Community Halloween Festival yesterday. I probably should have done all this blogging earlier to process my feelings, but instead I ate a lot of the ice cream that I bought on my way back from the temple last night. I bought it not planning to share, and I haven't, but I also planned on it lasting me this whole week, but it won't at the pace I ate it today. I started blogging here at 8:30 and the kids were downstairs watching episodes of The House for over two hours, then they did scriptures without me cause they thought I went to bed. I should now, it's past midnight. Last thing I'll share though is this broken light - 

I think this light was the straw that emotionally broke me today (thus why I needed a 2 hour reprieve in the mountains). It fell over a few days ago cause kids were throwing a bouncy ball in the front room. I can't remember if Daniel or Peter is the guilty party. I always tell them no balls in the front room, but they're kids. So they hit the chandelier, knocked that precarious lamp over, which has been broken for a long time and I just try to balance it. I've balanced it a few times over the years, but it looks like it's been needing to be balanced since atleast January 2017. Ugh, that also makes me feel depressed. So many things in our life are just hanging on (mailbox is still upright but the mail gets wet when it rainy weather, which has been a lot lately) Around here we don't fix things until it's long past urgent and a must have or I'm going to lose my mind (aka the washer and dryer two months ago). Ugh should I make a list of all the things we are still trying to "make it do or do without"?

First thing I'd do with $: pay off our debts

Then if we had money to spend, here are some wishes:

I'd like a car so I have one to use (it's been nice having Corey's car the past few days and to know I'll have it this upcoming week...) 

Van needs brakes. Lily takes the van everyday, but I don't mind being stuck home cause I'd rather stay here most of the time than drive the van. I loathe the van and the midlife crisis it's been having for years. Lily doesn't mind, so I'm fine to have that be the new kid car.

I've been mentally going through every room in the house... 

• Would love to have the basement finished
• Fix the fireplace. It's never worked since we moved here 15+ years ago.
• Screens put in the windows, most have been broken and then I take them out rather than having a torn or falling apart screen hanging from the window. Some neighbors have expressed concern when they see our kids standing by the open windows in their bedrooms.
• New mattress for us, it's got a hole on Corey's side and has been off balance/off center weight wise since it was upright in storage while we went to Costa Rica and Chile in 2010-2011
• New couches for the side room so the cushions don't slide out everytime they're sat on
• Fix the dishwasher - it's tolerable but the door is still hanging down too low, try as I might to twist it up high enough.
• Kitchen faucet handle has been loose for years (installed in 2015) 11 years is probably longer than they should last?
• Totally forgot about under the kitchen sink - warped wood and water damage from before we moved in, made worse when the sink leaked in 20
• Still need a working vent put in above the new oven
• Whole front yard porch railing sucks and needs to be replaced, posts are always falling loose
• Corey's office needs some help with the air - it's either crazy hot in there in the summer or freezing cold in the winter, so are the vent blocked? Or we need to do some other kind of furnace and ac update to that. 
• So many holes and dents in the walls
• New carpet in basement (big blue glue spot in the middle of the room from 2018)
• New carpet on basement stairs while we're at it (paint stains)
• new door stoppers
• new baseboard trim everywhere
• new door frames and hinges in several doors - the doors fall off cause the hinges get loose from kids hanging on them, then I get longer screws to try and hold them on again, right now they're all tolerable but in June (I remember it was June cause Edmund was here) the boys closet door fell off it's hinges and I just let it stay off for a while.
• Patch and paint every room in the house
• Probably need a new roof sometime? We've had several solicitors come by and tell us we need it, so I'm praying and watching for leaks.
• Ceiling fan in the girls room doesn't work and needs to be repaired
• Same with the ceiling fan in Lily's room (the small room)
• Light fixture in toilet room of kid bathroom
• Light switch in the front room that Natalie broke when she tried to turn it off by firing a nerf pellet gun at it, broke the center switch half off
• Window blinds in boys room and Lily's room, probably should re-do in all the rooms
• Back door doesn't close all the way, needs to be sealed and secured somehow
• Side door from garage to outside is busted and needs a new handle, it's all rusted
• Garage door handle from garage to inside
• Half bathroom by garage needs a new tp holder, the tp always falls off.
• Master bedroom door frame, all cracked 
• Master bathroom door handles
• Master shower door
• Ceiling in the side room from leaking from the master shower door
• Master shower heads
• Banister by the stairs has loose posts
• Need to figure out what to hang on the front room wall - the kids broke one of the mirrors, the left one, I think in May (I remember Wes was here).
• Need carpet cleaned again (Did it in 2025, and I'd like once a year, but I'm scrubbing it as best I can as needed and calling it good for 2026, hopefully won't put it off for 4 years)
• Van cracked windshield - not illegal yet cause it is still a few inches shy of going across the whole windshield, warned about that in Jan '26.
• Pilot windshield - same, crack that's almost across the whole glass
• Pilot driver side rear view mirror - maybe I can order the mirror and fix it myself?? Or have Hyrum or Christian help me? Hmm.
• Oh my gosh I almost for the Pilot's Air conditioning! Been broken atleast since the Salmon River trip in 2022, Corey and kids were reminded of that hot drive to Idaho with no cold air when we drove to Joseph's wedding.
• Also the pilot right side back door, a little sensor that says the door is closed broke, so it thinks it's always open. Thankfully it only beeps sometimes, but a visual notification/warning is always on.

I also dream of having cleaners come and a yard work service (I know I should teach my kids to work and help better). Ok, back to the chandelier. So yesterday I was talking to Hyrum and he noticed the light and I said it was the kids throwing a ball in the front room, and I had just gotten home from soccer, I had a few moments, so while I had the chance, I figured I'd go get the ladder. I balanced it again, then I thought, while I have the ladder out, I'll change the light bulbs. When I went to change the broken lamp light bulb, since it is loose, it couldn't hold itself still while I attempted to unscrew the light. That caused the wires to twist, then the light fizzled, there was a spark and a little poof of smoke and then the lights went out. I made sure that switch was off, went to the basement to try to turn it back on from the fuse box and I had Natalie watch from upstairs, but it won't come back on. So the the chandelier is out of commission until we call an electrician or whoever to get it fixed. AND the circuit that the chandelier is on includes all the front room ceiling flood lights, AND the upstairs landing lights. So that has now become the current priority and is the first thing that I'd like to get fixes asap, or we will just be super annoyed and living in a dark front room and upstairs hall/landing area for a while, which won't be good with dark winter nights approaching. Though I guess maybe it will make the kids feel like it's night time more and they might go to bed earlier? As I was making my bullet point list above and looking for some links, I went back to this April 2024 post and have been reminded of what I learned then and need to re-learn now. No one is coming to rescue me. If I want the house clean or something fixed, I need to do it. This pic I saw today made me feel seen, and I guess I'm ok to suck it up and keep raw dogging life. 

I'll remember that I can be part of the WDNC club - "from care he sets me free!" I also liked this clip from a Brandon Flowers interview. I can draw closer to Christ as I struggle in my trials. I am weak, but HE IS ABLE. He will help me and my life will be better, whether any of those circumstances change or not.

Last Soccer Games & Halloween Festival

Owen and Daniel had their last soccer games for the season today. The season schedule originally had the last games on the 10th to end before the fall break weekend, but they had one day of games cancelled cause of rain and lightening (Aug 29), so this was the make up for that. 

Owen's team played first (he's #14, oh yeah) and then Daniel. It was chilly but thankfully not rainy. 

Owen was boasting to himself about their team win on the way home, and he traced his finger along his jawline, which reminded me of the end of this BYU vs Notre Dame / Mormons vs. Catholics AI video that I saw yesterday, so I shared it with them, pretty funny. 

Hyrum got back from Iceland early yesterday morning. He spent the day recovering at Wayne's and then I was happy to see his car as we pulled in from soccer games. He was on the couch and gave his usual quiet smile. I gave him a hug and he said he has a man cold, so he didn't do or say much today, but still it was nice to have another adult in the house. We did some small talk, and he asked what happened to the chandelier light behind me. "Kids." That had been knocked over by a bouncy ball on Thursday? Then I thought "I've got 10 min right now, I'll go get the ladder and fix it." I got the ladder, took a few minutes to balance the glass bowl, but I did it. 

And then I thought I'd change the light bulb, and I now regret that, cause as I tried to remove the old lightbulb, it didn't spin out cause the whole light electrical base was loose, so as I turned it, the whole base turned, then a wire must have twisted cause there was a spark and poof of smoke, and now the lights don't work. Not the chandelier OR the ligths in the whole front room OR the lights at the top of the stairs. Yay... those are three very used lighting areas. I guess we'll be saving a little bit of $ on the power bill until we get this fixed. 

Ok, so that stinks. As I was doing and then regretting that, the kids were tearing through costumes in the basement cause they remembered there was a community Halloween festival today. So even though I'd already given my time to the kids this morning at soccer, I didn't get a break to go to the temple yet cause I had to take them over there cause I don't have any older kids to pawn this off on. H is not feeling well, Lily was at work and spare time went to her online class, Sophi in Korea, Natalie had friends over to sew/fix ballroom costumes. So it's on me. Ok let's go. 

I was proud that they made use of the costumes in the basement, though they did leave a huge mess for me. Why can they not put the costumes BACK in the bin? It takes 1 minute, sigh. So they went to the pavilion for the party. I told them I needed a minute/30 minutes alone. So I read in the car and they went. After 30 min I went to check on them. D&P, aka Ninja 1 and Ninja 2 eating donuts.

Peter got a balloon animal, a brachiosaurs. Then it was the costume contest. Each kid went up and said what they were dressed as. Toddlers first. Katharine was several things (Moana dress underneath the green Elsa dress) but she went with Elsa.

Two Ninjago brothers - Peter is Jay, Daniel is Kai.

Are you impressed I knew the characters? I didn't, had to google it. The funnest thing at the festival was seeing Brooke, one of toddler/little kid Abi's favorite people. And little Katharine about the age Abi was when Brooke was her primary teacher and their BFF-ness began. 

Brooke has a little boy that is 4 like Katharine. And the circle of life continues.

SO after the festival, I had a few pieces of candy there and back at home I wasn't able to leave yet for the temple or errands or anything so I tapped into my private stash of hardship ice cream as I continue to survive this week as a single parent (it's been nice knowing I always have a car) and then we turned on the tv to watch the last quarter of the BYU game against UCF - Univ of Central Florida. Just the last quarter, we thought...

It turned into DOUBLE OVER TIME and was as stressful as last week's game against Notre Dame, only without the win. I haven't felt that kind of anxiety in my stomach for a while. I don't think I'm built for any extra stress than my life already has. Then I finally went to the temple and did a session. Yes, that is what I should have been doing rather than watching the game. I decided I should not spend my time watching football, cause I didn't even like it. "Well someone has to do it! People are counting on this!" (Corey's quote from last week) While it was a little fun to trauma bond with Owen, I don't think I'll watch next week's game. I'll watch the BYU and Utah game ...maybe? Maybe the 4th quarter if it's close, (I'm not very hopeful for a BYU win so I'm guessing they'll be down and then I'll go to the temple instead, it's not busy on BYU game days) And after that I'm out. How does football make the world a better place? I guess people's livelihoods come from it. Is that reason enough? I trust God cares about our livelihood. Corey hasn't been working this week, he didn't get a power adaptor for his computer, so he's been present with Sophi for their whole trip so far! That is a rare treat she gets to experience!