Let's see how many I can remember...
- February is the only month that he knows how many days it has ~ 28 days! Fits perfectly onto a calendar. No dates have to share their square. Other months he can't keep track of, but his mother had this knuckle thing she used to do "What month do you want to know?" "No, don't punch me!"
- New year's goal, lose 20 pounds, already gained 6.
- Krispy Kreme - Are you new? It's a doughnut! No trans fat, no nicotine!
- Doctors always late for appointments, need blood under the door for that to be okay. clamp that shut and get me in.
- His doctor has his jacket buttoned up wrong, No... I don't want you to see me.
- Dancing in a room, aliens are gonna come steal all your stuff.
- People cutting in line in front of him at Disneyworld? Grab his wallet as he passes and throw it, and taker her purse and hurl it as far as you can into the bushes ~ if they look at you like you're the jerk "Well it's obvious that this is our spot cause we've all been standing here squished together for 30 minutes... so I just thought you wanted total anarchy!"
- Checking into a hotel, Zip Itty Do Dah, magnetic card doesn't work, they make it look like you're the problem "The customer is always wrong"
- he used to feel mad and irritated at people on the airplane that make everyone wait behind them in the isle while they get situated. Instead of feeling irritated, he decided to make a game out of it, that he has to try to guess which passenger is going to be the problem man. "No... No, she looks nice... that guys okay... Oh no, there he is..." and then the next game is to guess (using his iphone timer) how long the person will make them wait. Sometimes he wins both games! "Now where is my crossword puzzle book, I know it's in here somewhere, I only had an hour and a half of wait time and the 2 hour delay to strategically place this in a convenient spot at the top of my bag, hmmm..." and Brian's cheering "Keep going! You're breaking the record! You're at 2:14!!!!"
- Do you have a rewards card? No. And can we never ever have this conversation again? I have the item and I have money, can I give you the money for the item? I am a member of the full price club. Please? I see the sunlight outside, I want to return to my wife and children!
- I like the stage cause I'm in control and I know what time it's supposed to end. You don't get that at social gatherings, when you're standing in a group with someone talking... when is it okay to walk away from people who are talkin? And then he acted it out, so funny cause we've all been there, right? Trying to join in with or leave from a group of people talking, kinda awkward!
- I guarantee you say this at a group party "Hey, how 'bout that $340 million lottery!" someone will always say "Well yeah, until taxes...." "Did you think I didn't know about taxes? That's still going to be millions of dollars, alright?"
- There's a group of people that go to these secret meetings where they learn the real motivation behind things, and they get to go out into the world to be the bearer of bad news. "I'd love a playoff system in the NCAA" "Well they can't do that cause there's too much money in the bowl system..." "Wait, there's money!!?! How did you know that! You think I didn't know that? I still want to see playoffs..."
- You know why people rob banks? It's the money!
- I refuse to be friends with people that say "cat-sup", "trousers", or "cinema"
- Kids! Guess what I found! I had to look at 10 stores to find it and had to search behind all the smooth and I was so lucky to find the very last one... Crunchy peanut butter!!!
Fun to look through the pictures there. :) And since I'm sharing funny things, here are two more from facebook this week that made me lol and koc (kind of chuckle) ~ the Manslater, and "Let it Go" Mommy edition.
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