Problem Ownership

We had a good little talk with the kids tonight about one of Corey's favorite topics: Problem Ownership! And it might have clicked for some of them today better than it would have otherwise because of an unfortunate series of events today. Part of it began at 2:54, when Joseph felt a prompting to text his saxophone teacher to verify what time Ethan's lesson was. Joseph and Ethan alternate weeks that they take lessons, and today was Ethan's turn. When it's Ethan's turn, Joseph usually drives Melodie out to her flute lesson at the GMS before turning back to Skyline to take carpool home. So, unfortunately, Joseph was driving the car at the time he got this inspiration. By the time the car had stopped and he could have texted, it had slipped from his thoughts.

Around 1:00 Corey asked me "Lesson at 3:30?" I said that yes, 3:30 was the time that I had on the calendar, but that I would verify with Joseph. When I did, Joseph said 4:30. Corey wasn't sure that was right, Joseph said his last lesson with Ray was at 4:30 so he thought it was at 4:30. Corey wasn't so sure, and told Ethan to verify. Ethan verified by also checking with Joseph. So Ethan didn't leave for his lesson. I'm not sure when or how they found out that the lesson was indeed at 3:30. Maybe Ray texted to see if they were coming? Anyway, around 4:15, Corey comes bursting through the front door with Ethan. I wasn't sure why they came through the front door. Corey told me later that it was because the garage door opener, which is a bit unreliable, did not open for him to park the car inside the garage. Anyway, so they come crashing through the door, Corey tells me to keep the kids away and quiet as possible cause they were going to try to do a quick Skype lesson with Ray, since this was Ethan's last chance to get tips before the All State Jazz band auditions with are due tomorrow. So, ok, I try to get Owen distracted and away from Corey... "Let's go downstairs!" They were happy to follow me. Joseph was home and told me regretfully that he had a thought to verify the lesson time. He felt bad, but I said don't worry, it wasn't his fault. If Joseph is getting the inspiration, then Ethan and Corey could be getting it too - Joseph at least heard the thought. Anyway, Joseph didn't have too much time to sit and feel bad - he was putting computers in the car to take to the church where the Burmese LDS branch meets for church so he could use MM software to teach them English for his Eagle Project. Following me so far? Ok. So, I'm with Joseph and the kids in the basement, Joseph says bye and leaves, and 2 minutes later I get a phone call on my cell from him. Maybe he forgot something... "Yeah Joseph?" There was a very brief pause, followed by "Mom, can you come outside for a second..." And then I knew... it quickly all clicked in my mind... "Oh gosh, you hit dad's car didn't you...." I didn't talk or listen more, I just quickly went up the basement stairs and out the garage. Joseph was waiting. As you'll recall, Corey came through the front door, cause the garage opener didn't work. I didn't know at the time why he did that, I thought maybe he was going to hurry and leave again. Anyway, I looked at the cars and thankfully it was not as bad as I thought. It wasn't a full on bumper to bumper hit, it was a Corey's car's left front corner got scraped by Joseph with the Fiesta's back right corner. It appeared to be mostly cosmetic. Joseph had been putting computers and monitors in the back of his car, so rather than walk back up to open the garage, he tried his luck with his garage opener, which is also finiky, and it just so happened to work. He usually checks, but he didn't check behind him other than in the mirror, and our garage slants down, and Corey's car is low, so he didn't see it until he heard it. This is unfortunate. So I get the car keys to move Corey's car. As I open it, I hear what now is probably the most annoying part of the damage here - the hit must have moved the front piece of the car back a 1/16th of an inch and now the driver's side door pops when it's opened, from where the metal hits where the door hinge is, if that make sense. That is unfortunate, cause it will be a reminder to Corey of this unfortunate series of events each time he has to enter or leave his car. Missed lesson, stupid garage openers don't open half the time for some reason, Joseph didn't look... We are giving ourselves the impression that we are a bit dysfunctional. And I guess we kinda are on several levels. We're doing a lot of things great, but we're falling short in lots of areas too. We can do better and we need to do better.

After Corey and Ethan were done with the quick skype lesson, I told Corey what had happened with the cars. And then tonight before bed, we talked with the kids about taking responsibility for your problems. He used this collection of most rude contestants on Britain's Got Talent to show how for all people, it is best to just take advice and sometimes criticism and chastisement from people in authority. And don't talk back, blame, or make excuses, cause all that does it make you look stupid.

Joseph, who's fault is it that you hit the car? "Mine" "Yes, it's totally your fault." Corey was thankful he took responsibility and didn't make excuses. Good job. Ethan, who's fault is it that you missed your lesson? "Mine" "Yes, it's your fault." We were glad that they weren't making excuses or passing the buck, as sometimes happens around here. (I love demotivators, they always make me laugh)

Corey shared a few other examples of problem ownership as he talked about his business and problems there... and he talked about the other kids - like Wesley at his jazz band lesson yesterday where he didn't have his trumpet. And Mel's lesson today where she actually made lots of improvements because of her commitment to herself and to Corey last week to practice for 2 hours a day. So, we'll keep taking steps forward, probably keep getting knocked backward on our bottoms, but we'll keep getting up and trying again. I'm glad I have been doing the Courage Challenge, cause usually I'm feeling guilty and apologetic for all the ways I'm falling short, but right now I'm keeping track of my WINs and so even though I'm not doing perfect, I'm doing pretty darn good and feel good about how I'm handling my current challenges. So that was our day. We'll get through this! And Ethan introduced me to "Alone Again" tonight, a song he likes to listen to when he's feeling sour. We've been humming it tonight, might be fun to make up our own lyrics, it's a good melancholy little tune. So, tomorrow will be a new day with new challenges.