Sleeping Sisters

This morning it was raining. So that meant no morning walk for exercise, and that's ok. I've loved to hear the birds on my morning walks, but I was in the mood for blasting some Killers songs, so to the treadmill I went. The moment had come for me to put my kids true sleeping ability to the test!  Last time I was exercising in the basement several weeks ago, I didn't have two little kids sleeping down here. Lily moved herself down here a few weeks ago, and then she talked Natalie into joining her. I'm not sure what happened last night, but when I turned on the basement light, this is what I saw.

I saw Natalie's face, but she was in Lily's bed... I believe there's another body hidden somewhere beneath the huge stuffed dog and blankets. I did one round of my exercises, came over to see they had shuffled themselves a bit. Yes, it appears Lily is there! And now Natalie's face is hidden behind Bunky Bunky.

I'm wondering how comfortable the two of them were in such a small bed the whole night. Another circuit round, and I smile at them again. They both slept right through it. I woke up Lily to get ready for school and Natalie kept sleeping.

Last night Natalie was a little sad when she sat on her brother's suit coat, which was on the couch. She meant not harm but he pulled her rather abruptly off of it. I comforted Natalie first, and then Natalie went to Lily who was being a very affectionate big sister, even though she still seems pretty little for a big sister! Lily took Natalie to bed, and so it appears she comforted her the whole night.

Thoughts of these two little girls were in my head when I saw this Raised Good article in my inbox today. I read it and wished I had read it years ago when my older kids were little, but I'm lucky to still have little ones at home. I liked these thoughts:

The tenderness of motherhood doesn’t diminish when the sun goes down. These quiet sleepy moments where my baby sought comfort and nourishment are now the moments our trust reaches new depths and he knows, by my actions, that I will strive to meet his needs, no matter how challenging. 

I will be tough. 
I’ll be tough so my son can be soft. 
I’ll be tough so that he doesn’t go without comfort when he needs it. 
I’ll be tough so that my baby doesn’t go without nursing when his belly is empty. 
I’ll be tough so that my toddler isn’t forced to fake a maturity beyond his years. 
I’ll be tough so that my child doesn’t need to fear monsters under the bed alone. 
I’ll be tough so that he has a solid foundation from which to grow into a confident and independent little boy. 
I’ll be tough so that my son learns that vulnerability is welcome, that his needs matter and expressing his emotions is safe. 
I’ll be tough and continue to listen to my son, to his soft whispers in his sleep, to his breathing and to my own heart speaking. 

I’ve learned that night time parenting is about so much more than sleep. We have everything to gain by leaning in, by having the courage to surrender to the unknown and trusting our instincts. It is a rite of passage our modern culture has sadly disregarded but those of us who choose to follow ancient wisdom and our inner voices know the rewards. I’m not saying that it’s easy, but I choose to accept that discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful motherhood. So, I will slow dance through my relationship with my son, day and night. I will lay with him to fall asleep for as long as he needs it because I know, that one day without warning he won’t need me to lay with him anymore. He’ll sleep in his own bed and my husband and I won’t believe how fast the nights of shared sleep passed. But, with gratitude, that day isn’t today.

Human tetris isn't that much fun, but if there's just one little person, that's kinda fun. I remember falling to sleep once up at our friends cabin - I remember being in the bed with two kids - it might have been Dec 2014 when Natalie was sick. Or the year before when she was my infant. I can't remember if it was Natalie or Owen, but I'm pretty sure it was Natalie. I remember laying taking care of the baby and Sophi being there in the bed with me, positioned in a spot where she saw my hand and reached out and grabbed it and didn't let go, and it was so sweet to lay there with her just reaching out for reassurance in the quiet night. Daniel doesn't wake up that much anymore, but he did last night (he had a bit of a fever) and I was more than happy to bring him into bed and snuggle him. If he's not quiet I'll get him a bottle and put him back in his crib, but last night I kept him with us and it's just heaven. People ask me if I'm done or if I want more kids. I'd be more than happy to have another, but it's not gonna happen this year. So we'll see, and in case my little guy Daniel is my last baby, I'll enjoy every moment of it and might snuggle him to sleep a little bit more.