Baby Heaven

I got these cute photos from Joseph and Eliza today. 

Do they look like they are in baby heaven or what?!?! Look at those smiles. They are totally smitten. Eliza has been discharged and Joseph told me that when thy go to bed each night, they talk about Mary and look at pictures of Mary, she is all they can think about. (Well, Joseph is trying to think about his final too - it was yesterday but he got an extension to take it Monday). Cute little Mary is filling out and getting cuter and cuter every day.

She had a nasal tube to her stomach to give her more food at each feeding, cause she falls asleep, as most preemies do, cause it takes so much work to eat and they get so tired. Mary is back at her birthweight of 3 lbs 6 oz. She needs to be 4 lbs before she can be discharged. And Joseph said she's also been having little episodes where she forgets to breathe. She had a few of them today. She has to go 5 days with none of those before she can be discharged too. But she's doing great and my heart is happy to see Joseph and Eliza loving being parents. They are a week into understanding how much love their parents have for them. Corey and I talked on our date tonight (at Bandits) about me going out there to meet Mary. He's going to look for flights for next week. 

I did so some Simple Abundance reading this morning. I was feeling so good at the end of January when I was reading it everyday. I got off the wagon a little bit in Feb, as I was focused on family anniversary prep. I have been touch and go since then, so I have not been feeling the simple abundance of life. Instead I feel like I'm complicated lack of life - going crazy with obligations and interruptions and seeing so much need and not having the mental strength or resources to take care of all that needs to be taken care of. The trip to Newport probably took a bit of my strength. After we got back I felt like I needed a nap everyday. And I didn't want to clean or do anything for a week. I just sat around and read "Shackleton's Stowaway". You wouldn't know that cause I haven't blogged anything yet. I have not been taking time to record my thoughts. I need to get back into Simple abundance and back into blogging and back into being homemaker. I hoped I would/could do some of that today. The older girls were home from school, so last night I wishfully planned of taking off and going to the library. Just do something to have today be my "bday" personal day that I didn't get on Monday. But then Lily told me she scheduled a drivers permit appointment at 9:40... Ok fine, that's ok. I figured I could take her to that and still get in a few hours of something. So we went, and unfortunately, Lily was ignorant of the need for her to bring necessary paper work (birth certificate, social security card, etc). I didn't think of it until I was parking the car. I had dropped her off at the door, and maybe seeing her walk in empty handed triggered the thought. I walked inside and asked her if she had anything. She replied "No... what was I supposed to bring?" Doh, too late to have that discussion. She was so proactive in setting up this appointment, that maybe I was like "Ok, she's all responsible and she's got this!" Instead of bailing out right away, we waited for 20 min or so, and then we were called up to the counter. The gentleman who helped us was very nice, but gave us the bad news that she couldn't take the test or proceed with anything without those official documents first. They were giving her an official document, so they need to see official documents. Ok, well that's that then. I tried to be encouraging and told her that one of her siblings forgot their paperwork too (had to look it up - it was Wesley) So then we came back home. She wanted to go right out again, but I didn't want to, and thought instead of us solving this problem right away, that it might be good for this "learn by experience" moment to last a little longer. Corey said he'd take her on the way to Blue Note Band. There were no open appointments, but Lily said they take walk ins. They were on their way at 2pm. Lily needed to be at band at in American Fork at 3:30. They waited and waited, but weren't able to get in in time, so that was fail #2. I ended up not getting any personal time. I made sure kids did their chores (we're trying to kick that back into gear) - this is how that is going when I make kids do some of their tasks before going to play... Daniel was weeping as he did his math.

Abi did her stuff so I drove her to a friends house, cause I still needed the car. That was at 3:30, got back and around 4:30 I thought I'd go for a quick ride, tried to go from Grit Mill up the canyon, but only made it to Lisa, not to ruins or techy, before I had to get back to take Sophi to a birthday party. Maybe one reason why I like bike rides is because it is my only time without interruptions (well, if I remember to put my phone on "do not disturb") Busy busy, and the kids have been calling "Mom mom mom!" so much today (esp Daniel), I felt like I was going crazy. N asking to make muffins even though she hadn't practiced yet. Abi had to make cookies for a stake dance that she wasn't going to, but Lily went after she got back from band. Feeling like if we could hire a maid, then things would be better, but no $ for that... Yeah, I'm not seeing much simple/blessed abundance, just the heavy load. Maybe I'm grumpy cause I ate too much ice cream yesterday and today? I went down to pick up our bikes on Wednesday, and K was sad when we were headed back home without going anywhere, so I stopped to buy ice cream (to try to use as a potty training incentive for her) but we ate to much, and then yesterday it was gone cause some sneaky kids ate it without permission, and everyone denies it too, which is what I really am annoyed with. If you're gonna be brave enough to steal it, be brave enough to admit it. I decided to try and vent to Corey tonight on our date about all the things, esp just this struggle of faith and trust with his career, and he kinda laughed saying that he's glad I'm frustrated, cause when I pray, I get results. But that's the thing - I feel like we've been praying for help for decades! ...and we're still here, stuck and lacking. Again, because I'm focusing on the lack. "Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend..." - Sarah Ban Breathnach. Seems like this is a lesson I have to keep learning over and over again. There is more to that quote, here's the whole thing: 

"Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend...when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present - love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure - the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sigh, I need to practice gratitude. I still struggle with it 15 years later, since my first urging to change my view about our life (aka repent) in Oct 2010 with President Monson's message on gratitude. 

Ok, so I gotta focus on the positive! Here's one for today: Owen's teacher sent me a sweet note: 

 

I have to tell you what your sweet Owen did today. I had a little girl that was really upset and she went outside to go to recess. Owen approached her and asked you look like you’re sad. Would you like to play with us? It made her day she smiled the rest of the day with a big smile. Thank you for raising such a sweet young man!!!! 

I was able to pause and feel gratitude after reading that. Thank you Owen, and thanks to his teacher for sharing that.