Open Thine Hand Wide

Mel is home for the break. Last night she slept on the floor in Owen and Daniel's room. Today Corey went to Costco and got another nice blow up mattress for Mel to use. We set that up today.

Corey got another mattress for Victor to use. We'll get plenty of use out of mattresses with guests and kids coming home as we are entering that phase of parenthood. So, late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning, I was waiting for Corey to get back from the airport after picking up Victor. As I waited, I tried to breathe and I posted to the EJC about how we were having a visitor again and that I had been struggling for a few weeks as I anticipated his arrival. I posted it to the EJC and my life coach Holly gave me this helpful guidance: "This will go back to the agreement you and your husband made. Since I have worked closely with you this past year, I will point out that this is a pattern. The feeling bad is likely rooted in not being included in these major decisions. Unless you and your husband can come together on this, it’s not going to come to an end. It’s one thing to live a life of service and another to protect the privacy and rules of your own home – especially during the holidays. Talking about it to other women is not going to solve this. The talking needs to happen between you and your husband." So Corey and I talked about it a little bit. Corey said that he likes to host cause it seems like a simple way for us to bless someone elses' life. I agree. He asked why I don't like it, and I said I find it hard cause it's inconvenient and takes me out of my comfort zone. He also agreed with that. I needed to think and ponder more to find answers about how we are to go forward.

So... today, I was painting something for one of the kids for Christmas, and listened to the October 2019 General Conference as I worked. I started with President Russell M. Nelson's talk "The Second Great Commandment". I was listening and thinking about how we have guests and how I am usually quick to murmur about it (mostly before hand, ...I do ok once they arrive). I received the counsel I was listening for when he quoted Deuteronomy 15:11: "Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother..." That doesn't sound like hesitancy or holding back, that sounds like love and complete embracing of the opportunity to help my brothers and sisters. So that was great, and then I was listening for more as I "likened it unto myself" and heard this great counsel too:

"Giving help to others—making a conscientious effort to care about others as much as or more than we care about ourselves—is our joy. Especially, I might add, when it is not convenient and when it takes us out of our comfort zone. Living that second great commandment is the key to becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ."

(Bold emphasis mine, italics in original) ...SO, that seems to me like I should be seeking and welcoming opportunities like this to serve. I also felt, from that quote, that being able to repent of my feelings toward these opportunities and to not murmur is going to be a key for ME in becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ. And I do strive to become more like the Savior and I want to be one of his disciples. This is key: love. The Second Great Commandment. I didn't clue in when I clicked to listen to that talk that the commandment is to love our neighbor. Like I know that's what the commandment is, but like it didn't register. love thy neighbor as thyself - Matthew 22:39. It is key to me becoming more Christlike and  it will also bring me JOY. So, yeah. And right after I finished listening to that, Nicole called and I was excited about that cause I was thinking the whole time that I had to share what I just learned with her. So we talked, and she agreed and she's excited that I set a goal to not murmur about this anymore (cause it WILL happen again).

I shared a little bit via text with Corey about this call to repentance I got from the prophet. And I tried to once again share my analogy of the stress that we each experience with each other's joys (guests for him, babies for me) He joked "I don't see the similarity between having a guest and having a kid" haha. But it is similar - it relates. It's about letting ourselves be instruments in God's hands, it's about welcoming opportunity to serve and love. It's about trusting God and going forward with faith and service. We do that with our kids and with guest. Yes, kids are a longer commitment than a guest for 10 days, but they are both about losing ourselves and trusting God.

Victor has been so nice though. He's just a humble little guy. He's a little nervous to talk with the kids cause he doesn't speak English, so when he isn't gone with Corey, he's in the basement in the dark...

....cause he doesn't want to waste electricity by having the lights on in the whole basement when he doesn't need the whole basement. And he hasn't been using the heater much, cause he needs the two plugs in the outlet to charge his phone and have the lamp on. So Corey saw that and went and got him an extension cord power strip and told him to be a little more demanding. Such a sweet guy. I can share what I have with others. We have so much, seems like if I'm following the Savior, I should share. And so I'm writing this all here to help me remember and get this in my head: I will welcome guests cheerfully and I don't have to make it more complicated than it needs to be. I can share what I have and bless others in small ways.