Saying Sorry

Abi and I worked hard last week to get her caught up with her math. At the Parent Teacher Conferences, the teacher said they were on chapter 9, but Abi needed to hurry and do 8 if she was going to understand things. And probably chapter 7 too. So... we worked hard for a few hours over several days and we did chapter 7, 8, and 9! Yay, we're caught up! And then she comes home last Wednesday and says they had a math test and she didn't know about it (so I'm assuming that means she probably didn't do great on it...) and I'm frustrated that she doesn't know when the test are coming up. We do a little bit of chapter 10, and I ask her about her math homework and she doesn't know what the homework is either! How are you going to get a decent grade in here if you're not even paying attention in class to know when the tests are, what the assignments ever are, or what is expected?! So I'm frustrated and shaking my head at Abi, and the house is a mess so I'm also frustrated with all the kids in general, and I go to my room to use the bathroom and find Sophia and Daniel in there, using my phone watching youtube. And she needed to practice and do homework and I kinda gave her a death glare and fumed and vented my irritation and disappointment as I took my phone away. She knows I've said many times she is not allowed to take my phone. Some of our kids talk back when we chastise them, but Sophi tends to shrivel under the scorn of correction. I walked away. Later, as I was here at the computer, Sophi brought me a mug she got for Christmas from her teacher, with a note:

I didn't look at it when she gave it, she just set it on my desk and walked away. I looked at it the next day (so this was Thursday last week Feb 27th) and I rightfully feel very sorry. I wrote a note in return and put it with the mug back on her shelf, saying she didn't need to give me her mug, I knew how special it was to her, and that I would work on being more patient and that she is a good girl and a wonderful daughter. She didn't see my note right away either, and saw it yesterday, and then last night gave me this note which made me smile.

"Thanks BFF, with out you I thik I will not even igsis! I will not mene and take your stufe. I know you and I mack a complete family, well I no you do." So that was a sweet note by Sophi. She really is a sensitive little girl. I was feeling frazzled tonight again too, though. Just the usual stress caused by shoes, coats, and backpacks all over the entryway, amplified by O and D being noisy and teasing and broken spaghetti noodles spilled in the kitchen, cause the package was left out by H and found by the little boys. I'm not showing up in my life as a homemaker right now. I need to kick things in gear. I did a little sos polo to my sisters and sisters in law asking for advice. I don't get a good night sleep because of nursing Peter, should I wean him? Am I ready to not have nursing baby? Kinda, I guess. I might need to let this babyhood phase end. I can't nurse him forever, and I can't make him stop growing up. Here are a few pictures of Peter from last Friday.

He was working on his cheesy grin!

I haven't seen him do a cheesy grin before, but it was cute.

Peter, you remind me of little cheesy Lily! Cute little boy

He's cute and I love nursing, but yeah, I'm getting old and need to start getting decent old person sleep. I don't think I've slept through the night in over a year! So understandably I am tired during the day and am not doing work, not that I should be the unpaid help around here, but I'm not following up on the kids, making them help clean up the house. And I don't do a good job making dinner either so yeah, I feel like I'm failing on most levels right now. Everyone is fending for themselves, including me. Poor Corey comes home after a full day of work and does the dishes, sigh. I feel like it's just a mess right now. And I really will try to not let my frustration with the state of the house turn me into a grumpy mom. I should probably read Through His Eyes again and work on being aware the thoughts that are in my Belief Box so that I can keep my emotions in check.