Wrestling My Inner Scrooge

This morning my mom called and asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with her and my dad.  My dad had read a review of "The Man Who Invented Christmas" and they hadn't heard much about it, but they watched the trailer and thought it looked really fun. So they invited me and any kids that wanted to come to go see a matinee of it at 3:45. I watched the trailer, too, liked it, and decided it would be great to go. Wesley and Lily took my parents up on the invitation with me. It was so good. I also took Daniel to the show, and I didn't see all of it because I of him. but what I saw just totally hit the spot, probably cause it was so similar to how my feelings were about my circumstances today. So I went to see the 3:45 showing with my parents and then, I insisted we go for date night, so Corey adn I both went tonight for the 9:30 show.

So, I'll tell you why I was feeling like I was wrestling with the same things as Mr. Dickens did in the show.

So before I told my mom I could come, I had to figure out the little kid situation. I knew that Corey was still catching up on consulting hours, after having taken a break for skiing last week and cause of Christmas on Monday. So I knew he'd appreciate it if I helped get kids away from him. But he said he'd be okay to take Owen and go to his parent's house, and he was sure Owen would be okay there and he'd be able to get work done. Great, then this will all work out cause I'll just leave Daniel home with the older kids. But then Corey asked me to take Daniel to the movie. I was sure that Daniel would/could be taking his nap at that time, but told him I'd consider it. He insisted again, saying he didn't trust the older kids to take care of him well or to do their music or homework (that they've put off all break!) with Daniel around - they'd use him as an excuse. So, I tried to put Daniel down for a nap at the normal noon-ish time, but he didn't fall asleep. So I got him out and thought now for sure it would be okay to leave him, cause I could put him down right as I left and he'd sleep the whole time. Corey still wanted me to take him. Ugh, what to do... do I do what I want and think is best, or do I honor my sweethearts wish. Oh, fine. So I took Daniel but I was a pretty irritated by it. He seriously fell asleep in his carseat before we'd even turned out of the neighborhood. But I didn't want to take him back home cause I wanted to go by the library to grab a book that had a book on hold (- it's going to help with my New Year Reboot: Organized Simplicity! More about that later) Plus, I'm being a good wife by taking him cause Corey wanted me to. So I called my mom about where to meet, told her I had Daniel, she shared her hesitation with me cause she said she wanted me to be able to enjoy the show. I was 95% positive that he would sleep through the whole thing, since I knew he was exhausted. He slept the drive there, slept as I took him out, slept as we went in, kept sleeping as we sat down. And then... during one of the previews, alertness came upon him and he was wide awake. Oh doh. I wasn't thrilled that he was awake so early on in this afternoon event...

I only had 6 oz of milk and one sucker. Still sure he'd sit and watch the show. So, the movie began. It was way cute. I felt like I could understand the stress Charles Dickens was feeling with work because of Corey's entrepreneurial experience - taking risk, being in debt from the risk, not knowing for sure what or how he would do it but nevertheless determined to figure it out. During this first 20 minutes Daniel finishes off the bottle and is cruising through the little dumdum sucker quickly. Mrs. Dickens says tells Charles she is expecting. Charles is totally stressed by the constant interruptions (YES! That is my dear husband!) The house is a mess as they've just moved in, he has unexpected and unwelcomed company, said company brings a black crow which makes their new expensive chandelier fall and break (which he hadn't figured out how to pay for yet) and when he goes to try and work and come up with a story, interruption and knocks continue. When he does get an idea breakthrough, he rushes into his office, skipping dinner and time with the family (that feels like our life) he's just working all the time and his wife seemed upset by it.

It was around this time that Daniel got squirmy. I really was into it and wanted to stay, so I tried to give him pretzels and tootsie rolls my mom brought but he didn't want them. He wanted to move and play. Ugh, so I stood up and moved toward the exit where I could still see and could stand and hold him. He wanted to get down. I put him down. He went over and was about to bug people, so I grabbed him and headed out to the lobby. Darn it! Ugh, I was feeling so upset. I filled his bottle with water, and he took it and we went back in. He then rejected it. Wanted to get down again, was mad that I was trying to hush and constrain him, back out to the lobby. I was feeling so upset with Corey for insisting that I take Daniel. I texted him "Daniel is not being nice. Will not take him again. Feeling frustrated." He said "I'm sorry." and then "Thanks for taking him" to which I felt a big "Boo!" fume out from my soul. Daniel was running around (unfortunately without shoes, so I was trying to hold him, but he didn't like that" It was 4:25. What do I do, stand here in the lobby cursing Corey and frustrated with Daniel? Or do I just go home? I decided to go. I walked out to the car, changed my mind, walked back in, changed my mind again, walked back out, and went home. I didn't want to yell at Corey or any of my family, so I called Nicole to vent and get it all out. She's such a good listening ear. In my fuming to her, I decided to drop off Daniel with the older kids and home and hurry back. I could probably catch the last 15 minutes or so. I called Hyrum, he was in the driveway ready to save me, and I turned right around, called Nicole again for the 9 minute drive to make sure I'd gotten all my pent up frustration out, parked as fast as I could, and ran back into the theater. I sat down in front of my parents and enjoyed the rest of the show. I arrived at the part where Charles is having his confrontation with Scrooge in some old warehouse thing (didn't know what the place was, missed that part, but I got the gist of it). He's telling Scrooge to leave him alone, but Scrooge won't go and Charles can't make him. I loved this part, and I can't remember the line exactly, but Charles is giving up with trying and cries "Who are you?" Scrooge answers "I am hunger..." and said other stuff like ambition and stuff like that. HUNGER. All this striving and yearing, these things that leave us feeling so unsatisfied and frustrated with ourselves and other, I want to kill that and bury it! And then Scrooge is in the deep grave, ready to die but pleading to live. We all have those weeknesses, but we can do some good before we die. The good things we do are at home with our families - and I feel like I just lived all that - wanting to watch this movie and learn something, being mad at myself that I was feeling so upset at Corey and frustrated with Daniel. Yet they are the people that are the most important to me, more important than a movie. When we watched it the second time, the wife says to Charles "It seems like you love your characters more than your own flesh and blood" (I confess that the negative voices in my head make me often feel that way toward M0vie M0uth). Does that make sense? I'm trying to share what I was feeling and thinking, not sure if this all articulates it properly. But there is my attempt. And the take away was hopeful - his book is a success, the risk was worth it (go Movie Mouth! I sometimes hate you, but I'm still rootin' for you), he's able to apologize for his poor behavior to his wife, parents, children and staff, his wife still loves him, people learn and are changed for the better from his efforts and his book.

It was great going to watch the whole thing with Corey and without any kids. No offense kids. Corey said on the way there that he was not looking forward to it and still had hours of work to do, I said that was okay. He said afterward that it was really good and he enjoyed it too. We both laughed at Charles frustrations with the constant interruptions. That is so Corey. Cause it takes a lot of mental work for Charles to come up with the characters and develop their personalities, and just when he's got it there's a kid calling for Dad to help him with their math or kids teasing each other about something stupid. I loved the actor. I hadn't seen Beauty and the Beast with Emma Watson, so I didn't know Dan Stevens was the beast. I'm really glad, or I might have been thinking "he's the beast" the whole time and that would have been a distraction. I'd never seen him before, so it was a really great show, loved it. Here's praying to the good Lord that we can be the kind of parents we want to be, that we won't be frustrated by life's trials and challenges, like Tiny Tim's illness or the stress of providing for our families. That I can have charity for people that make my life more chaotic and that I'll remember what this test on earth is really about -

“Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business." - Jacob Marley

President Monson shared this quote by Scrooge in his 2011 Christmas devotional talk -

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me." - Scrooge 

Sometimes I call myself a Scrooge when I'm grumpy and negative. But it is good to be Scrooge, because he changed! A new Scrooge was born after that Christmas Eve night, maybe that's where the name Ebenezer came from - . He changed, he was better and was true to his word. I want to be better, I want to be happier and share happiness. I bought this wall decal at Hobby Lobby last week during my holiday shopping spree. I put it on the laundry room desk, where I usually do work.

It's going to be part of my theme for 2018. Be Joyful. I loved this movie, go watch it. We're going to buy it and watch it every Christmas. I'm excited for the rest of my kids to see it next year, or maybe we'll take them when it's at the dollar theater, even if in February and not the right holiday. It was great.