Mom Moments

Well, yesterday the inevitable happened.  Owen's blanket broke. It is now in two pieces, the main piece, and the strip with the all important tags. Owen brought it to me last night and said to fix it, but this blanket has had more than it's fair share of mending, so much that I haven't even dared wash it for months (I know, nasty...) so I told Owen "I can't, it's broken" and lo and behold... (is this the moment we've been waiting for?)... Owen was able to go to bed without it! Am I happy? Or am I sad? Another baby is growing up and another phase of his childhood might be past and gone forever. That makes me feel kinda sad, but I guess I have two more behind him. Last night Owen didn't take Louie to bed with him either. Today he fell asleep for his nap in my room without his binky, blankie, or Louie. I kinda felt sorry for Louie though...

Tonight when we were going to bed, I gave Owen his blanket strip, which he rejected, and so I tried to just give him his binky and Louie, and he threw Louie across the room! (Well, as far as a 3 year old can throw a toy). I picked up this dear stuffed animal and told him sorry and hugged him. I can't find if I ever blogged it, but some time ago, I think before Peter was born, Owen woke up during the night and I layed down with him, and then I had this random thought that if Owen were to die, what would I do with Louie? Would I keep him with me, to remember my little Owen, or would I bury him with Owen to keep Owen safe? I don't know what I would have done, but the thought of it made me cry, so I was laying next to Owen at 4 in the morning crying about Owen being gone and what I would do with Louie. But now I might not have to worry about that. All this time, Louie has been a faithful companion, and just like that, it's over. Doesn't seem right. We'll see if Owen takes him at all this upcoming week. If not, I will be taking Louie and putting him on my shelf where I keep my babies' faithful but forgotten toddler toys like Natalie's leopard.

So been feeling a bit sentimental today. Remembering my little ones, I can't stop time and tuck away their childhood (Lily's pillow) but I will try to savor the moments. The good, the bad, the irritating and the messy. Today it was mostly the irritating and messy. The kids haven't messed up the floor from it's mop and shine yesterday, yay. But there's always the mess that comes from a family of 14 - they all contribute to the mess. Abi was trying on different jackets for school before she left... I began to tidy up after, and I had already picked up 3 of her jackets in the side room, I then came into the front room to find two more...

She is my best kitchen cleaner, but clothes are her weakness. She leave a big mess of clothes in her bedroom, she just drops them. This morning, after looking at her room again, I told her we gotta break that habit. Took the jacket pick so I can remember to revisit the topic with her again. Another annoying thing - downstairs in the basement, about a week ago I found an empty box of my ABC markers which I had tried to hide from them... I looked around and couldn't find the markers. I have two sets, one old, one new, I wasn't sure if this was the old or new set. But today I found the markers in a box hidden somewhere by kids. Most of the lids were off, and it was my new set. I threw them hard into the trash can. They destroy and break things quickly and often. Sigh. Breathe...

I found those as I was cleaning up the room for a friend from Chile who is coming to stay with us for a bit (Angela's husband). I had Imagine Dragons on the bluetooth - "I Don't Know Why". Yes, why!??! Why can't they stop getting into my things? I just need to lock them all in our room. I looked at the markers, tried to breath. Not a big deal, like $7 bucks maybe? Am I going to miss the mess? Or will it still visit us in grandchild form? The music played, and I felt like it was my destructor children saying it "Tell me that you love me, tell me that you love me, tell me that you love me..." I don't know why they seek and destroy, but I will try to remember what is important. They are more important than markers. I am trying to practice being calm. I had a few voxer chats with Holly about that too - give myself an opportunity to breathe. Oh, and Peter threw up on me this morning too - right after he ate, he started coughing and made himself gag...

Luckily I was holding him towards me, so I was able to cup it all in my chest between Peter and I

Yay, it didn't get on the carpet. All the mess and struggle is giving me experience and teaching me to be patient and calm and to control what I can control. I can control myself, they need me to be that steady rock for them, a rock of calm and security. It will all become good memories eventually anyway, I will try to be calm and enjoy the now before these baby and toddler and childhood moments all slip away forever.