Why Would I Want to Do That to Myself?

So last night I went up to Park City to pick up Hyrum and Lily. They needed to be here early today for 1) Hyrum's Summer Driver's Ed class at 7am in Taylorsville and 2) Lily's Girls camp from noon - 9. After I left at 8:30 go pick them up last night, Hyrum called asking if I could wait so they coudl have more time. Lucky for Hyurm, at this same time Peter started freaking out in the car and I felt bad for him, so I called Corey's parents and asked if Owen, Daniel, Peter and I could stop by and say hi. They said sure, so we did. I fed Peter and we visited for a few. So I gave Hyurm more time, I called at 9:30 when I was leaving cause I wanted them to come right out so Owen and Daniel wouldn't wake up or think we were staying. BUT THEY WEREN'T READY. I waited, Peter started crying again, woke up Peter, so I parked and fed Peter, then they came out, but Corey came out too and asked us to say (He had texted a few times saying I should stay the night. I said No thank you. He said "I'm surprised you don't want to stay..." And I was thinking "WHY WOULD I WANT TO STAY...." But he asked if I would, I hated myself for saying ok but I begrudgingly did. And, I'm not going to gloss over it... it was a SUCKY night. Daniel who had fallen asleep in the car, woke up and was up past midnight and we were trying them to sleep all night and it sucked and then I was actually happy at 5:30 am cause it meant I could leave and the hell was over. Corey helped us get in the car, apologized for the horrible night (went exactly how I predicted, other than that Peter cooperated and did relatively good). And so then I drove from Park City to home for Hyrum to grab whatever and and then straight out to Kearns High and then back home. I was home around 7:45 and had a full day after horrible sleep and a too early morning. And honestly I was just so irritated that I felt pressured into staying. I was free to say no. And I did a few times, and I should have stuck to my guns. I will next time. But Corey appreciated me staying. I guess if he felt grateful then it wasn't a total loss of my mental health and life efforts. But this I know - I am not meant to sleep in those small hotel rooms with my toddlers and nursing baby. It is horrible for my sanity. I was looking through old pictures today and found this one from 10 years ago in 2009 shortly after baby Lily was born. This captures almost all my emotions from the past 12 hours.

Wesley's face is how I felt Corey asked me to stay last night. Mel's forced smile is me saying Yes. Abi screaming is how I felt all night. Ethan's face is me driving away from PC at 5:30 this morning. Lily is the toddlers crying. Hyrum is how I felt to arrive back home. Joseph's face is me proud of myself for resolving that I will not be going back up there. Well, atleast until Thursday. I might go up then if Iveth and Diego are able to come. Ok. Corey is bringing the kids home tonight cause I'm not staying up there again and cause he needs to go up to Liberty where Mel and Abi are with the young women's camp. I thought he had to be up there for this evening but he had to be there around lunch time. He was a little late getting there but it was ok. Corey was able to take Wes rollerblading up in Park City for a little bit at the skate park before they headed back home around 10 today.

Then Corey was up at camp around 2pm. I think they will all go back up to Park City tomorrow after Corey gets back from the YW camp. Busy summer days! Needless to say my vision for summer activities hasn't happened on the regular schedule I was hoping to follow. Maybe next year, or we'll see what we can salvage from the days left of this summer.