My Investment

Christmas break is over and it's back to normal for everyone. All the kiddos are back in school this week, except Ethan. He's in New Orleans for the JEN Conference (Jazz Education Network). My day started off by getting up at 3:40 to take him to the airport. I went to bed last night at 11 but couldn't sleep, so I decided to transcribe my favorite chapter of Insights so I could share it with Joseph. Insights is a book I just finished about President Nelson. When I was done with that around 1, Lily knocked on my door saying she couldn't sleep. I told her to do her best. I went to bed and was about asleep when she knocked again at 1:30 kinda panicked and saying she felt like she was being watched. So I gave her some church music to listen to, then I struggled falling asleep again. Peter was up a lot last night too - he has a bit of a fever.

So, my day and new year have started off pretty "mom's normal", although I am grateful that there was no throwing up this year on new year's eve (Daniel threw up on me last year, Owen on New Years Eve 2016.) Peter feels lousy and just wants to be held, so that's what we've been doing all morning.

The little girls and I have violin today, but other than that I'm just going to try to get back in routine. I hope we all go to bed early tonight.

I'm am striving against feelings of being stuck and unproductive. I sat on the couch with Peter, I read this post about being a mom that was shared on facebook. I liked it. But I might change it from being condemning to the world for how it might not choose motherhood, to being happy for the choice I've made and that I've been able to have it as an option. Still, I liked it. My favorite part:

The souls that move in bodies in and around my home? They are a legacy and an investment that I do not ever regret giving it all for. When I’m weary and feeling empty, when my life goals feel lifetimes away and my body isn’t the one I hoped I’d have, I can promise you that I wouldn’t give them up for a thousand trips around the world, a perfect waistline, or a name linked to fame.

Being a mom is a blessing that I am grateful to have been given. I don't regret holding my babies when they are sick. I know I am blessed to have this opportunity to be a wife, to be a mom, to have my little ones be my entire focus every single day. Not everyone gets to live this simple and beautiful life and I never ever want to take it for granted. I'm grateful to be a woman and to have this divine calling, and to be able to work during my life serving these twelve kids. Having so many kids is humbling. I'm really glad that I've been able to capture so much of it here on the blog - like 12 years worth! It's a challenge to make the time, but 'll try to keep at it. I'm doing it for my kids, so they can know the younger me after I'm old and so that I can already have something prepared when I can't remember "how I did it" - in case they ever ask. If they do, I am sure I'll just shake my head like "....um, I have no idea..." So yay for having these little posts where some of it is written down for when they are in the role of parents. Ok, that's all Peter is giving me time to write. Have a great Monday!

Later tonight: Corey holding Peter after I got home from violin.

"He feels really warm."

I took his temperature, and yeah, he was. I took his temperature, it was 103, pretty high fever little guy! I held and attended to Peter all evening. I love this little boy. Maybe we'll take care of the house and all the mundane tomorrow.