On Fire

The predicted rain came today. Since it was wet and rainy, I told the boys I'd rather they not ride their bikes. So they decided to walk. Natalie too. 

How can you argue with that? Kids want to get some theraputic exercise and fresh air before school rather than take the bus. Sounds good to me. So I walked with them. At home, it was a normal day of Katharine making messes. Today she found Corey's ear plugs, so I guess I need to find them a new home. "Katharine! Don't eat those!" She's crazy. I can hardly keep up with the messes around here. 

I also recently had to change where I kept shampoo and liquid hand soap in the master bathroom, cause she found those, and opened them (she's very talented) and she made a big slippery mess on the floor and slipped and bonked her little head. It took many times wiping and rinsing it before all the soap was off the floor. Slippery stuff! Peter made this lego creation today. I just love how he had the airplane fly by having it held up on a clear lego! Isn't that so smart? What a clever kid.

So it is dreary and cold day outside. This morning I woke up and instead of getting on exercise clothes, I grabbed a blanket and went in the front room, curled up in a chair and I finished a book! I spent most of my spare time on Monday and yesterday reading the book "On Fire" by John O'Leary and finished off the conclusion this morning. Excellent read.

A few weeks ago, I started reading it to the kids, and on Monday during dinner, I continued, cause I want them to all learn from this book. O'Leary gives such a great perspective on trials and life. I shared this video about him last week, and I found it so inspiring. This whole book is more good inspiration like that video. This book talks about "The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life." I'll give a quick sum up by sharing the chapter titles and a few sentences:

1 - Do You Want to Die? Life is not about avoiding death; it's about choosing to really live.

2 - What Are You Hiding? Stop pretending and begin to see the miracle of your life.

3 - Are You All In? Extinguish indifference, ignite potential, and discover the power of a purposeful life.

4 - Why Are You In Jail? Change the way you ask a question to transform the answers you get - and the life you lead.

5 - Can You Say Yes? Comfort is popular, but courage changes lives.

6 - What More Can You Do? One life can, and always does, change the world.

7 - Are You Ready? Fear and love are the two great motivators. While fear suffocates, love liberates. 

Conclusion: Awakening - Don't confuse being out of bed with being fully awake

One of my main take aways from this book is to be real, to share, to not hide the stories of our lives. I think I'm pretty real here on the blog, but I would like to be a little better at that in person to person live conversations. In chapter one he talks about after he came home from the hospital, after the community celebration and all the friends went home, they were sitting down for family dinner with his favorite meal, and his mom insisted that he hold his own fork. His sister went to help him, and his mom said "Put that fork down Amy. If John is hungry, he'll feed himself." That was really hard for him, but looking back he said (pg 23): 

"I see what a courageous stand my Mom took. It must have been extremely painful for her to sit with the entire family watching her little guy. How much easier and seemingly more loving it would have been to just feed me those darn potatoes and bring out the ice cream cake. How much easier it is in life to not do - or make others do - the hard stuff. Easier to take a picture of the family with everybody smiling at the dinner table 'Back to normal! We're all home and doing great!' [But instead] Mom utilized that moment as a reminder that others would be there to encourage, to serve, to love me. But this was still my fight, it was my life. It might be ripe with challenges, but it was also my opportunity to realize that none of those obstacles would be insurmountable. This moment was just the beginning of many times when I would have to find a way. She forced me to pick up my fork. and I'm completely convinced I would not be living the life I am today if she hadn't." 

The message I got was: Fight for YOUR life and how you want to live. "It's my life and I'm responsible for it." I put that on a post it on my bathroom mirror, along with "It's my body and I'm responsible for it." My choice, I'm can be a victim or a victor. Own it! It's ok to share ways that life is hard. Hank Smith shared in a Follow Him podcast recently that he jokes with his students that "Church is where LDS folk get together a couple times a week to life to each other about how they are doing" - that made me laugh. "How are you?" "I'm fine!" (Episode 39 with Joseph Spencer Part 1, minute 34:36) And sure, maybe there's not time to share what is bothering us, but why do we even ask "How are you?" if we don't answer honestly or have time to listen to honest answers? I think I might just say "Hello! It's good to see you!" or if I have time, "How goes the battle? What is going on with your life?" And maybe ask some specific questions about things I already know about the person I'm talking with. And those thoughts continued with chapter 2 - he talks about how we need to not hide our scars and our trials. When his parents wrote a book "Overwhelming Odds" about John's accident, they put a picture of John on the cover. From page 45: 

"The picture was one taken of me shortly after leaving the hospital. It shows a young boy with a baseball cap on and bright red scarring on his face and neck. It shows a kid with a thick white brace on his neck, a dip in his throat from a recent tracheotomy and splints on his arms. That photo had always reminded me of all that made me different. It reinforced how the fire had disfigured me and how I had spent the twenty years after it striving to be ordinary. It reminded me of my years longing to look and act and be like everybody else. It reminded me of my failure to fit in and my inability to blend in with everyone else. I hated that picture. In the early stages of their book writing, I was far from encouraging. I didn’t believe there was a story to tell and encouraged them not to dredge up the past. I offered my best arguments against it. Who will read your book? Why would they care? Do you guys even know how to use a computer? I suggested they keep the story in their hearts. They wrote the book called the Overwhelming Odds. They ignored my advice and in doing so they changed my life. Imagine this: the mask you so carefully constructed to hide behind your entire life is removed. You know the one that tells the world you’re fine, that you’re all good, your kids are perfect, you have no problems, there are no addictions, no worries, no scars? Imagine if it’s taken gently off your face, set carefully on a table, and smashed with a massive sledgehammer. Now the world could see, and read all about the real me, the broken me. I felt exposed. But as I continue to read, I realize something else. For the first time, I understood that I wasn’t the only one burned in the story. For the first time I came to understand them. I felt all that my family went through. My brother Jim was injured, physically and emotionally. My sisters were prescribed sleeping pills because of witnessing me burning in front of them, and the months of constant fear that they'd lose me for good. Oh, and my parents. My poor parents. As difficult as my physical pain was, the emotional toll on them was, and so many ways, much worse.  Imagine also learning that your story somehow galvanized community in the action. And imagine, after reading the last page of your tragic story, seeing it differently, clearly, for the first time. I understood, oh my gosh it was all a gift. 

The fire. 

The hospitalization. 

The pain. 

The fears. 

The amputations. 

The scars. 

All of it was a gift. All of it. 

The fire lead perfectly to where I am today. The challenges that experiences that shaved me, the character that dries me, to the face that guides me, the life around me, and to the possibility in front of me.

Page 50 he shared the story of a golden budda statue that was covered with plaster to hide it's value from an invading army, and stayed that way for 200 years until some of the plaster was chipped off as it was being moved. Continuing on Page 51:

Not only does each [scar/story] have incredible worth, and beauty, but the world is desperate to be inspired by it. It’s time to chip away the plaster, pull down the mask, peel off the bandages, and allow the miracle of your life to shine brightly. If you want to live a radically inspired life, it’s time to embrace your story and celebrate the amazing miracle of your life. I don’t know your specific story, but I do know we’ve all been burned, dealt with struggle, and endured storms. We’ve lost parents, children, and friends. We’ve filled in businesses, marriages, and dreams. We’ve stumbled, spiritually, physically, and financially. Yet our scars from these experiences, when we learn from them, aren’t signs of weaknesses  to be covered up, that symbols of strength to be celebrated. They are dark, and then useless one covered. They are illuminative and inspiring when exposed. 

I am going to try this next year to figure out my story. Oh, and another take away was GRATITUDE, which is one of my life quests, so that is great too. There's too much for me to keep being able to write it all here, so just go get that book at the library and read it. It's excellent and a message we all need to hear. It can help us live with purpose, joy, gratitude, and all those good things that will make a good life. The conclusion talked about truly waking up and living, and I think that is what his other book "In Awe" is about - awakening our childlike wonder. I tried to do that a little bit of being present today by doing some art, which I have not done in FOREVER. I bought some colored pencils yesterday, and tried to draw a rose. I'd say it was nice, but when I stopped I was mostly left frustrated. I worked on it for an hour (thank you K for taking a nap today) but it took me so long and I still had a lot to do. I will try to be patient!

"In Awe" was the first book of his that I picked up at the library, just by chance, cause it had the word "Awe" in the title, which is a word that usually perks up my ears, cause it is mentioned in my patriarchal blessing. Anyway, good stuff, I'm excited to read In Awe. I have the library copy still but I'm going to wait until my copy comes to I can mark it up with my pencil. :)