Sophi was the final kid who needed to have a night over with Ethan and Bella, and today it's finally her turn. She went down to Provo for the night and it looks like she's having a good time. They took her shopping and she asked to "borrow" $8. I shared that message with Corey and said I was not going to reply, and added "She sure blew that $50 from easter pretty quickly." These kids... She had fun hanging out with them. She went with them to a baby bump photo shoot that they had scheduled for tonight.
Bella looks so beautiful! Ethan you're cute too. He wore the hat cause he just got a really bad haircut from a friend, who E thought was doing it for free, but then he charged him! Ethan was mad that he got a bad haircut AND had to pay for it! Ethan will have to share that story, but he said he'll be wearing this hat for a while. "Boy Dad"
Aww, they are so cute.
Sophi got a few instagram worthy pictures for herself too.
Pretty Sophi!
Ok, so today something else I've been a bit emotional about this week. I'm trying to have charity and calm down. This morning Mel and Corey went to a Deseret Soap assignment, and both of their phones died when they were there, but I knew they didn't have breakfast, so I was all trying to be thoughtful and make a lunch for them, and it was a good lunch, with salmon and salad and pho and maracuja cake, but their phones were dead when I tried to call to tell them that I had lunch ready for them, and I KNEW Corey would take Mel out to eat, cause of course he'd assume that I wouldn't have anything for him, BUT THIS TIME I DID, and I wanted to get credit! But Corey charged his phone once the soap assignment was done (it was 7am - 11am) and then I saw that they stopped at Aubergine. Ugh. So then I was mad, cause I had taken time to prepare food when I could have been blogging or doing something else and now they wouldn't want it and it would be wasted (the pho, I'd eat the salmon). When they got home though, they were hungry and they gratefully ate the food I had made.
Corey texted me afterwards: "Love you - it was perfect! I just got a small sandwich at Aubergine so I was hungry. Thank you!!!! Love you!" So yay, I got credit. But I've honestly been a roller coaster of emotions the past few days. PMS? Perimenopause?? I ordered some "Primal Queen" organ supplements today after seeing an add on facebook. Maybe I'm really having a problem of something, I feel like a mess. Yesterday morning I went on a walk with a neighbor, Katie. She reached out asking if I wanted to talk, after I was in tears on Sunday during her lesson. It was good to talk. I've been processing things the past few days, and I think I'm stressed out with life but talking to her helped. So, as you know, this past Sunday morning, I woke up at the Hibbert Sister's retreat and Corey was at Park City for the weekend with the rest of the kids (cause he doesn't like being left "home" with them, so he took them to Park City). A little bit of that morning, that led up to me crying at church - we had church at 9:30, so we had to get down to the valley before then. The night before I told him I'd be there at 7 to help get kids home. I was in the car almost on my way when I texted him (6:52am) - "Kids awake?" He replied "no." I decided to check of the plan we had made... "Are we going to our ward for church?" "Yes." Ok, I'll be there in 10 minutes. I parked in 15 min parking, went up to help get kids packed and to the car. Corey left cause he had ward council at 8:15. He took Abi and Sophi, who always take longer to get ready, so they wanted the time by going with him, I helped the kids clean up the room and grab their stuff, kinda irritated that we had this extra step of checking out of a hotel... Eventually got the car full of kids and was on my way home, and thought of how irritated I was for that 40 minute drive. We hurried and got ready for church. I didn't have time to get ready, but just thought I'd go as is and let it be real. But yeah, I was feeling frustrated that I had that extra stuff to do because he couldn't handle being at home. I took a break, but I can't take a break and life continue at home. If I take a break, life stops. That is DUMB. If I'm not there, there IS stuff they could all do! They could clean the basement, they could do yard work. They could get ahead as a gift to me! I don't know why a few days off for me means no one does anything. So at church I was just shaking my head and felt like I can't leave. I can't leave Corey, he can't cope. I can't hang out with my sisters. It's the first time we've ever done something like that, we were just trying it out, but I'm feeling like a victim and that if I participate, my family can't cope. I'm sure they loved the weekend at Park City, but it would have been nice for them to do something to help at home. That's all I EVER want for my birthday anyway.
ANYWAY, so I was feeling pretty frazzled once we got to church, and felt for myself. I was kinda weepy during the meetings, not feeling supported when I try to take a break, and THEN in Relief Society, the lesson was on "Charity - a Sign of True Discipleship" by Elder Michael B. Strong, and we talked about having charity for ourselves and others, and I was feeling bad that I was NOT feeling charity for Corey (he's really just doing the best he can to cope, it was nothing personal that he didn't stay home... sure if he was feeling like Superman, he would have stayed and cleaned the basement for me, but usually I'm not feeling like that - so why do I expect that of him?") ANYWAY, again, I was just feeling all the emotions of tired, frustrated, not really feeling that the retreat was the best use of my time anyway, and it made it hard for Corey to get work done, and we're always going to not have money cause he can't get his business going cause of all these kids, etc etc, just all the negative feelings were spiraling out of control. I've been processing these thoughts since Sunday. I read a story to the kids from President Monson's book "Consider the Blessings" about the lady who lost her husband and buried her four children (Pres Monson tells that story in this 2009 General Conference talk) and Daniel and I were crying
...and I felt so pathetic for not being able to handle my "big" trials, as if they are big. So I've calmed down, but I've been stressed. The walk yesterday morning helped, and so has all this rambling. So yeah, that's some of the feelings I've had the past few days.
On a good news note, today I made the last payment of Katharine's hospital bills.
3+ years later, yay. She's worth every penny. This was at the church today - I was changing the display board in the RS room, Katharine was so proud of herself that she made a "3"!
That's a good 3 Katharine! And yes, you are 3!! She's so cute and smart. One bill done being paid, a lot more to go (few more hospital bills for stuff, Corey endoscopy and stuff he's had done) and credit card debt. We need to get out of this situation. Stay calm Tiff, have charity for yourself and Corey, remember the blessings.
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