I thought about how I get in a rut with feeling discouraged sometimes, esp during "that time of the month", and I know it’s hormones, but I just feel like "who cares" and like giving up, so recently I listened to one of the Killer's songs - Rut - while I was on a treadmill walk. Brandon Flowers has said is about his wife when she was struggling with suicidal thoughts. We all have negative thoughts like that. The song is from her perspective and the chorus line says “Don’t give up on me, cause I’m just in a rut. I’m climbing but the walls keep stacking up…” When I first heard it, before I knew what it was about, it made me think of Corey and his business MM. “I’m doing my best to fill them but the cracks are starting to spread…. I’ve done my best defending but the punches are startin’ to land….” Corey's been trying so hard for so long to get MM going, but after each crack/punch/problem he fixes or overcomes, there is another usually even bigger wall in the way. It’s so hard, but as the song says “I’ll climb and I’ll climb, and I’ll climb and I’ll climb, I’ll climb and I’ll climb” repeat. Ugh, it just doesn’t end and if it's not MM it'll be something else... life's challenges won’t end until we’re dead, so keep climbing. But I love that song, Rut, for the message of determination and perseverance it gives.
So I was looking at myself in the mirror as I walked and I was talking to myself, and I was surprised that I got a little teary and I told myself “Don’t give up on me, cause I’m just in a rut”. Thoughts that our life is a mess and we'll never get out from under it.... or thoughts that our house is trashed and the kids are too busy or clueless to help... all these negative thoughts in my head, sometimes the punches start to land and I feel pretty beat up and over my head. BUT - I wouldn’t tell my 5 year old self to give up or that it's hopeless. I can do this! And I’d call out anyone who WAS speaking negative things to that little kindergartener me and warn them to stop. And guess what Tiff, that little girl that absorbs the negative thoughts in your head is YOU, she IS that little girl, she is ME! So I'm going to try and call ’em out and stop those mean and negative things in my head. Which came full circle in my thoughts, leading me back to the EJC and the Courage Challenge I did, which I've started up again (and I'm loving it! If anyone wants to join me at the EJC?) In October Holly helped me learn about acceptance and that we need to accept ourselves and talk to ourselves and we would talk to a child – with support, love, and encouragement. So, now with that photo of my younger self there by my treadmill mirror, I'm going to work each day to remind my current sometimes overwhelmed self to say good things to my little 5 year old cute self and encourage her on her goals and dreams. Don’t give up on me!
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