A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?
Yes, I need my Ethan. So, last night for dinner I made a Purple Carrot thing which was quite delicious, if I do say so myself - Dosa Lettuce Wraps. As usual, Mel and Hyrum liked it, and everyone else wanted something else. So Ethan was making some french toast for himself but wouldn't make it for anyone else, so I started making it for the rest of the kids. And Ethan's hands were gooey from dipping the bread in the egg and milk mixture, as were mine, but he kept asking us to do things for him - poor more milk into the mixture for him, flip his toast with the spatula, open the fridge, etc... not cause he didn't want to contaminate things with his messy fingers, but he didn't want messy things to contaminate his fingers that he was touching his toast with. He is so concerned about messes in all their infinite variety. Last week on Wednesday, it was "steak" night, (haha! Cauliflower steaks that is - gotcha kids!) and I knew most of the kids would be like "What the freak Mom!?!?" so I made sure there were more options: I made the Butternut Squash Caponata, had a big fresh pot of potato vegetable soup and had some leftover spaghetti. Ethan came to dinner and after surveying the options and quickly concluding that there was "nothing" to eat, he went to make himself some spaghetti. "There's some leftover spaghetti right here." "How long has that been there?!?!" "One day (might have been 2)" "That's OLD!! Natalie probably put her fingers in it! Little kids could have sneezed in it! I'm not eating that!" This was one of the first sit down meals we all sat down for in a while, and Corey wanted Ethan to sit down with us, thus he replied "You can't make more spaghetti. This is what's for dinner" "No!!! Please can I make spaghetti!!?!?!" "No. This is what's for dinner." "AAHHHH!!!! Why!?!?" But, after a little more venting and throwing back his head to scream at the ceiling, Ethan, bless his soul, did sit down and eat some soup. Good job Eth! So, that was a longer than needed to be story to give an example of how Ethan is a purist. He does not like his food to be touched by little kids. He never makes peanut butter sandwiches, cause who knows how many sibling germs could be in that jar. He won't even use an already opened jar of Nutella for the same reason. He must be the first to use an item. His sanitation takes priority, he means business! Corey teased him last week saying "You don't bring in enough income to this household to demand such high standards for yourself..." Ethan will not use the hand towels to dry his hands, even the clean ones in the drawer, cause you just can't really trust anything to be clean around here. He only uses paper towels. I didn't grow up with paper towels and it seems so wasteful to me, especially with the great frequency that Ethan uses them, but it is helping me be patient and long suffering and I've learned not to say anything about it (though I still think it and have to grit my teeth), and I even (albeit reluctantly) buy paper towels now and then (cause if I don't buy them in bulk at Costco, Corey will pay for the overpriced ones at Smiths). Don't let Eth see you cough at the table though, and don't even think about talking to him if you've got a cold sore on your lip. Poor Wes has sore chapped lips from playing his trumpet in this dry Utah winter weather, and thus Ethan picks on him "Why do you have cold sores all the time?!?! You're so gross!" And do not, heaven forbid, be sick around him, or he'll give you a tongue lashing for contaminating the air. SO, sorry, not trying to rag on Ethan, just giving some very common example around here of how Ethan demonstrates that he is a purist. The phrase "I am a purist!" comes to my mind often when these exchanges and episodes happen around here. And that is why I'm typing all this up, so that I can share this phrase that has been in my brain for the past 7 years - a line from this SNL political sketch (see minute 9:10) where Ron Paul was being questioned in a mock debate sketch by Shepard Smith:Shepard Smith: You were, uh, painted into a corner last week when you were asked a very pointed hypothetical question about liberty. So let's do that again!
Ron Paul: G-g-great!
Shepard Smith: Let's pretend you are a representative of the federal government walking down the street. You see a house on fire. Do you act?
Ron Paul: [ shaking his head frantically ] Nooo!! That's none of my business!
Shepard Smith: What if... the house is full of puppies? Puppies with their noses pressed against the glass. Do you act then?
Ron Paul: No! That is NOT my place!
Shepard Smith: What if... the puppies were making this noise: [ he moans like a helpless puppy ] And they're all wearing bows. What would you do?
Ron Paul: I'd let the puppies BURN! I am a PURIST! The puppies should DIE!!
Shepard Smith: Well... Ron Paul, you stuck to your guns! Your weird, old guns!
I thought that was so funny. And that quote from a pretend Ron Paul runs through my head often around here when Eth's worried about germs. "HE IS A PURIST!! THE PUPPIES SHOULD DIE!" Corey told Eth tonight that he's gotta learn to relax about gross stuff or there's a good chance he's gonna get his butt kicked on a mission when he can't offend his dinner hosts when he's served a plate of bugs~
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