Today was a good day of contrasts, emotional highs and lows, and mixed emotions. This morning, I was feeling all happy and grateful and content (that was from 6am - 1pm). I was and am proud of how awesome I'm doing at homemaking and when Corey left to work, he sent me a voice message saying "I’m feeling some enthusiasm and optimism and gratitude that I haven’t felt for a while, I’ve been kinda trudging along for a long time." That made me feel really happy too cause I think the clean house has contributed to that.
And THEN around 1, I was waiting for Sophi to get home so I could go on a ride, and I saw other kids in carpool walk by the window, but Sophi never came in. My phone was upstairs charging so I went up to call or text her. I saw that she had called me and I had missed it. I also saw that I had missed 4 calls from the elementary school, doh! I called the school right away. Daniel was sick in the office with a fever and she told me to come pick him up. It was 1pm. School got out in 40 minutes, but ok. I said I'd be on my way, and I said that knowing that I did not have a car. I tried to hurry and get ready and I had to get Katharine ready too cause Sophi wasn't home (it's early day) I saw her texts and voice message. She was at her friends house to do her nails. She went without permission, but atleast she tried to let me know... but if she doesn't get permission she shouldn't go! So I was irritated at that, and irritated that I had to take K to school with me now, pulling her in a wagon, cause Sophi wasn't home to watch her, so now I'm slow, and I'm mad cause I don't have my car... feeling irritated at Abi for always wanting to take my car to school for no good reason. I let her do it today cause she took carpool, so I do allow Fridays, but I still decided to be mad at her too. AND I thought while I'm choosing to be in a bad mood now, let's also be mad at Freaking Tanner's Transmissions that STILL has Corey's car and has had it for NINE WEEKS NOW!!! I was just walking fast and huffing and puffing and feeling mad. I called the school to let them know I was coming but I was walking and I'd be there as soon as I could. I then called Sophi to see if she could meet me at the corner and take Katharine so I could run/jog to the school. She said ok, but then I checked with Katharine, just to be safe (I didn't want her to blow her top (think Muffin in the Bluey episode "Charades") cause I could see that happening if I let Sophi take the wagon and I started running away from her) and Katharine said she didn't want to go with Sophi. "I want my mom." Ok, I called Sophi back and said never mind. They had started walking toward me and I could see them coming down the street and I waved to them as I said thanks over the phone. Ok, so got to the school. Buses were there and school was almost out, but I signed out Daniel and he got in the wagon and we walked home. I still wasn't able to go biking... what shall I do for exercise if I can't escape. Owen and Peter get home, I still need an older girl if I'm going to go on a ride. Abi was still in school, and Natalie had walked to Macey's and wouldn't be back until Abi brought her. I figured I'd still be ok to go at 3. THEN when Abi comes home, she is doing her chores and stuff so she can go spend the rest of the evening with her friend Tara, but she didn't bring Natalie. I was irritated at that. I specifically told her this morning that she had to bring Natalie home. "I didn't hear that. I thought Natalie had permission to go to her friends house." Yes, IF you were going to Tara's right after school and then coming home at 6. But I said if you were coming home first cause you wanted to be over there later, then you were to pick up Natalie and bring her with you! Cause Natalie can't be out there until 11 pm, ugh, I was super irritated at them both now too - at Natalie for always asking to go to Macey's, at Abi for not picking her up so now we have to take an extra trip out there. Abi said she could go get Natalie. No, you practice flute and do your chores. Maybe I'll drive out there and go boulder and then pick up Natalie. Abi didn't like that idea cause she wanted to be on her way to Tara's at 4. "How long does it take you to boulder?" About 45 minutes, plus the 15 min each way to drive. So Abi was nagging me to not do that. I left anyway, and decided if I did just come straight home with Natalie, then I'd have my babysitter and it would be 3:30/4 and that is still enough time to go bike. Ok, so I just did that, which made Abi happy. I decided it was too warm to bike though - it was 47 degrees. I thought it would be too slippery. So then I decided I'd have Abi drop me off up the canyon on her way to Tara's and I'd be able to get my mountain time and I'd just walk home. So that's what we did. I sled down to the trail, then hiked up and walked along Techy, then did some sledding on the way down. It wasn't a very good sled though. Really hard to control. But the 5 mile walk/slide did help me calm down.
So, so highs and lows today mood wise, but I know our life is good. On our date we talked about Trump and the airplane helicopter crash in DC and how Trump is handling it (very poorly, using it to divide people!) He is just really really bad, but what can we do? We will rant about it to each other (Trump is a wicked man) and then I will get to work in my life, repenting of my sins, scrubbing my floors, cleaning my house, controlling things that I can control. I can pray and trust in God. God's aware of all these things and he's got it. My job is to take care of my family and my husband. I was grateful for the voice message Coreoy sent this morning. I'd been feeling happy and content too. The clean house helps with that. I also got this message from my little sis this morning, of a reel of a dad (Captain America) returning home from a day of work (war) only to facing another mess of a battle at home, saying she felt for Corey cause he was prob in this situation. I'd say that is what it has been like for a good chunk of his life, but I'm glad that I've been able to ease up on some of that stress by stepping up my game here at home. He has still be practicing music with Owen and Daniel, and follows up with kids on homework, but I'm glad that he's able to do it in a peaceful environment instead of a warzone. I've been showing up for my family, and that feels good. Today as I cleaned I listened to the Follow Him Podcast with Dr. Robert Eaton and I liked this part in part 1 at minute 42:07
"The Lord is truly there to chastise those whom he loves, including the spiritually preeminent." - Elder Maxwell. Then Professor Eaton: "So when we sense some divine chastisement, we shouldn't think, 'I'm on God's list of spiritual losers.' But instead, "The coach cares enough about me to help me improve my game. Apparently the team needs me.'"
I was chastised a few weeks ago, cause I'd been thinking we really need more money so we can hire some cleaners to come, cause it's just not possible for me to do it all. Then I had the thought and feeling that I CAN DO SOMETHING. I don't need to wait, I can start now. So then I started, just with one magic eraser a day (cleaning grout until the eraser was dead/disappeared). I feel like I'm a team captain and I'm finally leading out. The chore board is WORKING (one day at a time with a few dry erase markers, not dozens of small magnets (SIMPLIFY!!!)). The kids are practicing and we are not cutting corners.
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