Two Hymns

I enjoyed church today. In Relief Society we discussed Elder Clement Matswagothata's (<-- amazing conversion story!) conference message "He Knows You by Name" and we were asked how we feel known by Jesus and what things have helped us know Him. I commented that when I memorized The Living Christ, that is something that helps me think of him on an almost daily basis, cause I recite it when I drive, when I swim, when I walk, when I bike, when I'm trying to fall asleep... it is in my brain and I can use it whenever I want. I especially think of Christ when I'm by the creek and remember the line "His voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters..." and ponder on what that means. So that's one thing from church, and then I also enjoyed the closing hymn we sang at the close of sacrament meeting, I went on a walk this afternoon and thought I should memorize that hymn cause of how it touched me. Songs are easy to memorize and call on, more than scripture verses I memorize, so I'm going to focus on memorizing hymns, and make them my personal psalms that I can draw upon when I need the Lord to come to me. So at church the closing hymn was Hymn #83 Guide Us O Thou Great Jehovah, it made me tear up, so I guess I'm feeling something... Some of the lines I liked "Thou art able" and the idea from verse two for Jesus to open Zion's fountains and let her blessings flow...

1. Guide us, O thou great Jehovah,
Guide us to the promised land.
We are weak, but thou art able;
Hold us with thy pow’rful hand.
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit,
Feed us till the Savior comes,
Feed us till the Savior comes.

2. Open, Jesus, Zion’s fountains;
Let her richest blessings come.
Let the fiery, cloudy pillar
Guard us to this holy home.
Great Redeemer, Great Redeemer,
Bring, oh, bring the welcome day,
Bring, oh, bring the welcome day!

3. When the earth begins to tremble,
Bid our fearful thoughts be still;
When thy judgments spread destruction,
Keep us safe on Zion’s hill,
Singing praises, Singing praises,
Songs of glory unto thee,
Songs of glory unto thee.

So part of what I'm feeling is weariness at the messes and broken stuff of our home. One of my siblings this past week was talking with my parents about the house they are still in (since 1980) was their starter home. And the pity party part of my natural man felt sorry for myself cause we haven't had a starter home. Is there a "promised land" for us, a "holy home" (both from that hymn)? But I try to remember to recognize that God has been good to us in giving us a place to raise our family in and to feel like we've have wonderful roots established here. 

So around 4 I left for a mountain walk and was gone until after sunset. 

I took over a dozen photos. Two here.

I didn't see another person out there until the very end. I was able to enjoy the colors and sing to myself and pray. I also looked up and was singing His Eye is on the Sparrow cause that is one I remember liking a few months ago. After reading the lyrics I know this is one that would be good for me to memorize as well: 

Hymn # 1005 His Eye Is on the Sparrow

1. Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy—
I sing because I’m free—
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

2. “Let not your heart be troubled.”
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubt and fear.
Though by the path He leadeth,
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy—
I sing because I’m free—
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

3. Whenever I am tempted,
Whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
When hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him;
From care He sets me free: 
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy—
I sing because I’m free—
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Corey called when I got back to the car, 7pm Sunday evening for us = 10 am Monday morning for him and Sophi in Korea. They are hanging out with our friend Byungchul and are going to go see a volcano on Jeju-si, an island that is south of mainland South Korea, that is larger than Oahu of the Hawaiian Islands. A few pics of their Sunday, visiting a ward in Korea.

Mel said we need to teach Sophi how to smile for the camera. A pic by Paris Baguette for Abi -

After I got back home, Hyrum was packing up his stuff to go back to Wayne's so I told Corey I'd call him back. I told the kids to come say goodbye to H. 

He didn't come to church today and we've hardly seen him. He's been in the basement not feeling well. A bit of a man cold, plus probably needs to recover from his Iceland trip. The kids have been down there playing since he left. I'm a little scared to see the damage they've done. I went down earlier and they had made a huge mess of the costumes from when they got ready for the Granite Community Halloween Festival yesterday. I probably should have done all this blogging earlier to process my feelings, but instead I ate a lot of the ice cream that I bought on my way back from the temple last night. I bought it not planning to share, and I haven't, but I also planned on it lasting me this whole week, but it won't at the pace I ate it today. I started blogging here at 8:30 and the kids were downstairs watching episodes of The House for over two hours, then they did scriptures without me cause they thought I went to bed. I should now, it's past midnight. Last thing I'll share though is this broken light - 

I think this light was the straw that emotionally broke me today (thus why I needed a 2 hour reprieve in the mountains). It fell over a few days ago cause kids were throwing a bouncy ball in the front room. I can't remember if Daniel or Peter is the guilty party. I always tell them no balls in the front room, but they're kids. So they hit the chandelier, knocked that precarious lamp over, which has been broken for a long time and I just try to balance it. I've balanced it a few times over the years, but it looks like it's been needing to be balanced since atleast January 2017. Ugh, that also makes me feel depressed. So many things in our life are just hanging on (mailbox is still upright but the mail gets wet when it rainy weather, which has been a lot lately) Around here we don't fix things until it's long past urgent and a must have or I'm going to lose my mind (aka the washer and dryer two months ago). Ugh should I make a list of all the things we are still trying to "make it do or do without"?

First thing I'd do with $: pay off our debts

Then if we had money to spend, here are some wishes:

I'd like a car so I have one to use (it's been nice having Corey's car the past few days and to know I'll have it this upcoming week...) 

Van needs brakes. Lily takes the van everyday, but I don't mind being stuck home cause I'd rather stay here most of the time than drive the van. I loathe the van and the midlife crisis it's been having for years. Lily doesn't mind, so I'm fine to have that be the new kid car.

I've been mentally going through every room in the house... 

• Would love to have the basement finished
• Fix the fireplace. It's never worked since we moved here 15+ years ago.
• Screens put in the windows, most have been broken and then I take them out rather than having a torn or falling apart screen hanging from the window. Some neighbors have expressed concern when they see our kids standing by the open windows in their bedrooms.
• New mattress for us, it's got a hole on Corey's side and has been off balance/off center weight wise since it was upright in storage while we went to Costa Rica and Chile in 2010-2011
• New couches for the side room so the cushions don't slide out everytime they're sat on
• Fix the dishwasher - it's tolerable but the door is still hanging down too low, try as I might to twist it up high enough.
• Kitchen faucet handle has been loose for years (installed in 2015) 11 years is probably longer than they should last?
• Still need a working vent put in above the new oven
• Whole front yard porch railing sucks and needs to be replaced, posts are always falling loose
• Corey's office needs some help with the air - it's either crazy hot in there in the summer or freezing cold in the winter, so are the vent blocked? Or we need to do some other kind of furnace and ac update to that. 
• So many holes and dents in the walls
• New carpet in basement (big blue glue spot in the middle of the room from 2018)
• New carpet on basement stairs while we're at it (paint stains)
• new door stoppers
• new baseboard trim everywhere
• new door frames and hinges in several doors - the doors fall off cause the hinges get loose from kids hanging on them, then I get longer screws to try and hold them on again, right now they're all tolerable but in June (I remember it was June cause Edmund was here) the boys closet door fell off it's hinges and I just let it stay off for a while.
• Patch and paint every room in the house
• Probably need a new roof sometime? We've had several solicitors come by and tell us we need it, so I'm praying and watching for leaks.
• Ceiling fan in the girls room doesn't work and needs to be repaired
• Same with the ceiling fan in Lily's room (the small room)
• Light fixture in toilet room of kid bathroom
• Light switch in the front room that Natalie broke when she tried to turn it off by firing a nerf pellet gun at it, broke the center switch half off
• Window blinds in boys room and Lily's room, probably should re-do in all the rooms
• Back door doesn't close all the way, needs to be sealed and secured somehow
• Side door from garage to outside is busted and needs a new handle, it's all rusted
• Garage door handle from garage to inside
• Half bathroom by garage needs a new tp holder, the tp always falls off.
• Master bedroom door frame, all cracked 
• Master bathroom door handles
• Master shower door
• Ceiling in the side room from leaking from the master shower door
• Master shower heads
• Banister by the stairs has loose posts
• Need to figure out what to hang on the front room wall - the kids broke one of the mirrors, the left one, I think in May (I remember Wes was here).
• Need carpet cleaned again (Did it in 2025, and I'd like once a year, but I'm scrubbing it as best I can as needed and calling it good for 2026, hopefully won't put it off for 4 years)
• Van cracked windshield - not illegal yet cause it is still a few inches shy of going across the whole windshield, warned about that in Jan '26.
• Pilot windshield - same, crack that's almost across the whole glass
• Pilot driver side rear view mirror - maybe I can order the mirror and fix it myself?? Or have Hyrum or Christian help me? Hmm.

I also dream of having cleaners come and a yard work service (I know I should teach my kids to work and help better). Ok, back to the chandelier. So yesterday I was talking to Hyrum and he noticed the light and I said it was the kids throwing a ball in the front room, and I had just gotten home from soccer, I had a few moments, so while I had the chance, I figured I'd go get the ladder. I balanced it again, then I thought, while I have the ladder out, I'll change the light bulbs. When I went to change the broken lamp light bulb, since it is loose, it couldn't hold itself still while I attempted to unscrew the light. That caused the wires to twist, then the light fizzled, there was a spark and a little poof of smoke and then the lights went out. I made sure that switch was off, went to the basement to try to turn it back on from the fuse box and I had Natalie watch from upstairs, but it won't come back on. So the the chandelier is out of commission until we call an electrician or whoever to get it fixed. AND the circuit that the chandelier is on includes all the front room ceiling flood lights, AND the upstairs landing lights. So that has now become the current priority and is the first thing that I'd like to get fixes asap, or we will just be super annoyed and living in a dark front room and upstairs hall/landing area for a while, which won't be good with dark winter nights approaching. Though I guess maybe it will make the kids feel like it's night time more and they might go to bed earlier? As I was making my bullet point list above and looking for some links, I went back to this April 2024 post and have been reminded of what I learned then and need to re-learn now. No one is coming to rescue me. If I want the house clean or something fixed, I need to do it. This pic I saw today made me feel seen, and I guess I'm ok to suck it up and keep raw dogging life. 

I'll remember that I can be part of the WDNC club - "from care he sets me free!" I also liked this clip from a Brandon Flowers interview. I can draw closer to Christ as I struggle in my trials. I am weak, but HE IS ABLE. He will help me and my life will be better, whether any of those circumstances change or not.