So... 8 years ago, when our little Joseph was just a wee 10 year old, his father was thinking about his eldest son's future. And knowing that girls weren't a distraction now, but could become one later, his father made him a bet - a bet to help him stay focused on school and not get distracted by getting in a serious relationship too early. They made a deal that Joseph would not kiss any girls until he was 18, and if Joseph kept that part of the agreement, Corey would pay him $1000. Last night, it was time for Corey to pay up. Here was the moment, with a bit of Corey explaining once again the reason for the deal, surrounded by a bit a lot of the normal chaos that goes on whenever we're trying to have a serious discussion around here...
As Corey attempts to explain to the rest of the children "Why am I willing to make this deal?" "Cause you don't want us to be happy!" replies our funny Ethan (at 6:09). No, Ethan. This bet it not to make you miserable. This bet is to make sure that you're not just handing out kisses like they're nothing. If you're gonna kiss, make sure it's worth it! If the girl is worth it, go for it. But hopefully knowing you're passing up $1000 bucks will give you a moment of pause. Don't make your kisses cheap. We do think that this deal has helped Joseph stay focused and do well in school and on the ACT.
And Corey actually let the deal slide a bit - he said Joseph could pucker up as soon as his college applications were done, which was last month.
The slowly counting out (with $140 in ones) and handing over such a large amount of money had the desired incentivizing effect on the rest of the kids, as each proceeded to ask if they could make the deal with their Dad.
Lucky Mel, she's already almost there, just 11 more months to go. Corey has joked that he needs to switch it up for her and pay her to kiss, teasing that she's a little too timid and shy. Ethan didn't shake here, he made the deal years ago apparently. Hyrum, you in?
Wes? Yes, though he looks a bit nervous or something.
Each of the kids proceeded to shake hands with their father. Abi...
Lily...
Sophi... Look at all this positive peer pressure in action!
I didn't get a photo of Natalie, did she shake? What is this? Even little Owen is in! Go O! This toddler is in it to win it! just 15+ years to go.
(You better start saving your quarters, sweetheart!)
Corey invented this little incentive to get the kids to sit quietly during family lessons: Put out one cookie or treat for each child - if they complain, goof off, fight, etc, Dad takes one bite out of their cookie/treat. If they whine about what Dad just did, he takes another bite.
They quickly learn to sit quietly and listen and to not talk back or complain, atleast during the lesson, and a half hour of well behaved listening children creates enough happy mood feelings in the parents to last the rest of the evening.
So Corey and I are both Den leaders for Cub Scouts right now, Corey with Webelos, I'm over Wolves and Bears. His Webelos were a little nuts last week, so this week he came prepared with Starbursts which he had on the table in their view - when they were goofing off, he reached for their starburst, then they'd quickly repent and sit still and listen. Worked like a charm, and a light bulb went off in my head - I gotta do this with my Den too!
I also realized this could save my patience during dinner, which occasionally turns into "let's tick off Mom" hour at our house. We've never done it during dinner, but as I prepared my cabbage soup with thoughts of the kids' soon to be complaints ringing in my ears, I came to dinner prepared with girl scout cookies labeled before them. "Children, here is your dinner. You may not like it and that is fine, but I don't want to hear it. If I hear it, I take a bite from your cookie. If you finish your dinner, you may eat your cookie." Worked like a charm, the kids were very well behaved and it was a welcome change (Abi never eats dinner... she'll usually ask I prepare the food "Are we having good food or healthy food?" "We are having healthy food, and it's good too" "No it's not, it's yucky! I don't want yucky food!" She didn't get her cookie on this cabbage soup night, but I also didn't have to hear her complain. Again, it was a welcome change. I shall try it again during our next healthy=yucky dinner. Of course Lily is queen and got her cookie early, but she's also my best eater. Thank you Lily! I shall enjoy your willingness to eat anything while it lasts (I've got about another year until the feisty fours come around).
Corey in the Nacho Libre mask for some friendly family wrestling in March 2010
Well, the fights we have to deal with the most often are between the boys. There are three strategies that we use most often to help them stop fighting.
#1 - Pull out the video camera - Just start recording them explaining their grievances. For my kids this works like a charm everytime. Very effective, cause they immediately see how ridiculous the whole situation is and they also see it from the outside (aka they think of how the "themselves" in the future will be rolling their eyes and laughing when they see the video). Try it!
#2 - Corey's strategy: Radio Programs on Relationships - Corey usually doesn't want to listen to who did what and why I'm right and he's wrong yada yada. He's usually busy working in his office and is often listening to talk radio online as he works, so he makes them sit down, shut up, and listen with him to Dennis Prager and "The Male/Female Hour" which is pretty funny cause it's usually about relationships and putting aside your petty grievances - hopefully they learn something. He makes them sit for a long time or until I come rescue them after a half hour.
#3 - Tiff's Strategy: Drop and give me 50 on your knuckles! I've just tried this once with the kids, but I've done it several times on myself, and it works great - Joe, Eth, and Hyrum had been in a bedtime fight, they were sitting in Corey's office listening, it was getting late and they had school in the morning, so I said they were free to go back to bed if they did 20 high knee get ups with me (I had already done 40 and was finishing up my exercise for the night when I decided to rescue them from the Male Female hour) They were all laughing as they did it cause it was hard, so it worked cause they had to change their focus from their argument to getting their knees up. They were pretty sloppy in their form and thus all beat me for time, but it was fun. When I feel myself getting stressed and like I need to vent, it helps if I do some quick exercise routine (like 500 mountain climbers or 200 pushups w/plank jacks (alt every 10 reps = 100 each) - always makes me feel 100% better. :) solving fighting between children sibling rivalry arguments kids fight how to stop ways to stop sibling fighting sibling struggles
