Dinner Approach

So, yesterday for dinner, I made what I felt was a delicious Pinto Bean Chili. I spent a good few hours prepping, washing, chopping, and boiling my pot o-vegetables. I added some quesadillas with dairy cheese to keep the non-vegans happy. I worked hard, we set the table, and it was ready at 5:30. I sat down to eat with everyone. I had to nag and threaten some of the little kids to eat their chili and vegetables. Corey had been working most of the day on his business taxes (he filed for an extension, and the due date was upon us) and he left before eating much. He looked like maybe he didn't like it or was disappointed in something, but I figured his mind was still focused on finishing his tasks, so he left and I told myself not to worry about it. (See "His and Her Diary From the Same Day") I finished nagging the kids, and many of them said they were done without eating much. I said no more food if they didn't eat their dinner. I cleaned up the kitchen by myself (although I did try nagging with that too, I need a new approach), I cleared the table, loaded the dish washer and washed the pots. My hands were very dry. The cold Utah weather has started to make my finger tips crack in the corners, which causes sharp pain. They were especially cracked today from having them wet washing veggies and then from washing dishes. Around 7, I was done, and I sat down to read a little as I watched Owen and Daniel in the tub. It was then that Corey came into our room and asked if I minded if he went out to get something to eat for dinner. "Was there something wrong with the meal I made?" He confessed that he did not like it. Sigh, I know he's not a soup fan, but I figured if it was thick enough he'd be okay with it... oh well. "That's fine, you can go out, but just for you, not the kids. They need to eat the dinner if they're hungry..." "I can't share with them?" No! There are several tupperware full of chili in the fridge, if they're hungry they can eat that! Of course they're all gonna come prowling around though if you come home from the store with fresh goodies..., gosh, do you really have to go out and buy stuff?! I can make you something. Do want me to go make something else? A little back and forth with me asking questions and then he again confessed that he would rather go hungry than eat that chili. Which statement made me break into tears. I put down the book and I said I'd go make him some food. He watched the kids in the tub, I went to the kitchen and just cried and cried as I made some grill cheese sandwiches for him, with some to spare for Ethan. Wesley was very concerned when he saw my tears. He asked over and over again what was wrong. I finally said "Dad didn't like the chili..." I shouldn't have taken it personally, but in my defense, it is Monday, and I have cried every Monday for the past 4 Mondays now... so I was giving myself a hormonal pregnancy pass and just let the tears flow. Wes went to the fridge and got himself a bowl of chili and ate it. He also must have sounded the alarm to his younger siblings, cause before I knew it they were all giving me hugs and they cleaned my bedroom and wrote love you notes that they put all over our bedroom door. Corey and Ethan ate up the two sandwishes, and I made two more, the kids at them up. Then Corey had a bowl of chili too.

So, this morning we talked a little more about dinner expectations. "Not to rehash last night, but tell me again what was the problem with the chili?" As we went to bed, he told me that when he came back from doing his taxes, someone had added a lot of rice and cheese to his bowl. I had tried the rice in my chili and I admit I didn't like it with the rice, made it too bland, so if that was why he didn't like it, I understood. "Did you try it/like it before the kids put rice in it?" I just had the rice there to keep Abi happy. "So, was it okay before you left? And you just didn't like it after you got back?" Last night I had been putting his bowl in a storage container to put in the fridge, was was throwing out the clumps of rice so that it would be ready for me to eat... he said "You don't have to do that, I'll eat it" and that was after having his grilled cheese and he did eat the chili, so again, I thought maybe it was the presentation or not enough? The kids kinda scarfed up the quesadillas, I should have had rolls or toast ready to go with the chili... And I know that family dinner has been something Corey's wanted me to do better at for years. In my defense, I did follow a recipe yesterday and we did sit down, which once upon a time were the "dinner success" requirements. I had done that, so "What else is on your family dinner wish list?" I asked. He said that he'd like to have a meal that everyone looks forward to. Expound further please? "A dinner that everyone likes and is excited about." Oh my goodness, I shook my head in disbelief. Impossible. Talked about unrealistic expectations!!! You want me to have food that cheese and carnivore Ethan and vegan Hyrum are both happy with?!?! Plus toddler boys and little girls? Plus you and me?!?! Impossible. If I wasn't overwhelmed with making dinner for the 12 of us before, I really am now. For it to be a success everyone has to actually like it?!?!... well that's never going to happen. Still I typed it on my phone notepad note... 1) Everyone looks forward to it. 2) Everyone wants to eat it.

Ok. What else?

3) Plenty of food. "Like plenty 'quantity'? or plenty 'variety'?" Both, more more more. Enough food so that 4) They don't come back hungry looking for food two hours later. Well #4 is never gonna happen if they're just eating processed junk and if they don't eat the vegetables that will actually nourish their bodies, so what do we do here? I presented my case: sometimes, I'll make orange chicken, and I'll also have a big bowl of rice, broccoli, and a salad... so there is "plenty" quanitity, but the orange chicken definitely goes quickly and is the first thing gone, but if they don't eat it with rice and vegetables, they're not really gonna be full. Which brings us to my 2 requests: 1) Plant based 2) they kids eat their vegetables 3) Healthy and nutritious. They gotta eat some real food aka veggies and plants, or I know they'll be in the kitchen cooking up toast at 8 or 9pm. Oh my goodness, what are we gonna do. You'd think after almost 20 years of marriage and 11 kids I'd have dinner figured out, but no, I'm at a loss here, can we keep everyone happy and meat all these dinner requirements?

So last night we planned dinner for today - I was going to make a butternut curry soup, Corey could bring home a roast chicken and rolls, and that should be enough. I called Nicole and asked for help. Another complaint is that our dinky table is too small to hold all of us and dinner usually is not a calm and pleasant experience anyway. "Get a folding table at Costco" she said. I have one already, good idea. It had paint all over it, so I'll get a table cloth too. I texted Corey - I'm going to Costco, so scratch the chicken and rolls, I'll get salmon and rolls at Costco. I remember feeding the missionaries once and Ethan loved the meal (salmon, potatoes, and the kale cranberry salad) and asked if we could eat like that everynight. My reply "No way, this meal cost $60 bucks! We don't have that kinda money in the budget for a $60 meal everyday..." But for tonight, for a meal that "Everyone is excited about and looks forward to" I figured I'd try. So salmon and potatoes it is. But what about my soups that I love?!?! It's fall! It's soup season!!! Soups and salads make me happy! So, in order for ME to look forward to dinner, we needed the butternut curry soup tonight. Then I got an idea - I'll serve the soup first as an appetizer, and they will eat that as I control and dish up their plates with food - properly proportioned with plenty of vegetables and grain. If I get to control that part, this could work... I predicted it would take me all day, and told Corey I could probably fulfill his dinner wishes tonight but I think it will take me most of the he afternoon, so I'm gonna need to clock off duty around 7 if I do this. I kinda got a little choked up as I talked to him, thinking of how overwhelming this will be to have to do this everyday for the rest of my life. He didn't want me to be a martyr, and suggested that I wait to start dinner at 4 - he'd come home and help and we could do it together. Ok.

4:00 - Corey was still working. I started early anyway, cause if I wanted the butternut soup to be ready, I had to get things going. The soup was wonderful, I bought two salmon and got them going, Abi helped peel potatoes, the broccoli was in the microwave, and things were moving along nicely. The kids get home from school at 3, then the elementary kids at 4. They're always hungry when they get home. They made some of their own food, I told them to eat one thing and then go do homework or practice, cause I was making a good dinner tonight. Abi set up a small table for the toddlers, we got tablecloths for both tables. Corey came home. He helped with prep, and then parked himself in front of the fridge as the food cooked, to make sure they didn't snack anymore until dinner. This was very effective, and I think we should do this as often as possible.

Kids kept walking by the fridge, then seeing Corey, asked him what he was doing. "I'm making sure you guys are hungry for dinner." Kids, seeing the tablecloths and set table, started to ask "Why are we eating so fancy?" "Cause it's Tuesday!" Corey replied. We were going to eat at 5, then 5:30, but Abi had a piano group lesson until 6, so we pushed it back again. Kids were ready to eat. The soup had time to cool down, the salmon was still warm, and we were ready when Abi came home. I served up the soup. I think it was accepted pretty well, and made me and Mel and Hyrum happy. I was also happy that the kids had to eat it before they got their salmon. They didn't eat all of it, Ethan did not like it, but they did pretty good. I ate the soup of Natalie, Owen, and Daniel, as I predicted. I served up plates of food as kids turned in their soup bowls. I was able to serve it all up, so no one hogged all the salmon. Usually I've always put the serving plates at the table, but I liked dishing it all up much better... it was very effective. I was able to make sure they all were served some veggies, and I liked being in control! I didn't mind not sitting at the table, but I probably should learn to sit while I eat. Anyway, it was a very successful dinner and it actually met all 4 of Corey's wishes, and my 3 requirements too, thanks to the appetizer approach. We'll see if we can recreate this successful dinner again!