Feel Happy (if you want)

We have plans to go skiing tomorrow for one last time. Abi was complaining, she doesn't want to go.

Man, everything is a battle! Doing fun stuff - "I don't want to". If we're don't have any plans "I'm bored, why don't we do something?!" These kids! I talked with Nicole today - I shared with her some things from Jody Moore's podcast episode #256 "Happiness Fix" which I really liked. 

Some natural ways to get dopamine without sabotaging myself and my goals (via over eating) 

"The toughest battle you'll ever face is between what you feel and what you know." I also liked #44 - How to Make Your Husband Happy. I think that applies equally to How to make our KIDS happy! Bottom line is - YOU CAN'T. You can only control YOU, so work on you, be an example, and offer LOVE, offer a safe space for my kids to NOT be happy if they don't want to. Actually, I'm just going to type up some of the notes here, cause it's good stuff... Things I want to apply more to myself and my everyday life with these kids. It's ok for them to not want to go skiing. I can show love. It's ok to feel how they feel. Some notes from episode #44 that can apply to everyone we interact with:

Love - allowing people to be, do and feel as they wish. True Love - we love people exactly how they are. If my kids want to be grumpy, my love is a safe space for them. Sometimes I want to be grumpy and unhappy too. Sometimes I want to be stressed and frustrated or angry. The reason we want anything in life is for how we believe it will make us feel. Why do I want my kids to be happy? Because then I’ll feel like I’m doing a good job, that I am making a good home. Why do I want to feel like I’m doing a good job? Because I doubt myself, I see where I’m not doing good.

It’s always about emotions. That’s not selfish that’s just humanity that’s how we operate as human beings. "Because then I will feel better." Grumpy - tired - withdrawn - not available emotionally - difficult to be around...  I spin in my thoughts and worry "I should do something to help, I should do something to change him and how he feels... it’s my job to help. NO. All that "meaning" that we ascribe to our husband's or our children's feelings makes us feel bad, so we really want them to change to make us feel better. Trying to manage our husbands or children’s feelings is not helpful. Do they want to feel better? The last thing people need is for someone to try and talk them out of how they are feeling. It’s OK to be angry. Ask them "Do you want to feel better?" If not, then we can’t help anyway! Do you want to any help from me? In some cases they want help from others but not from me. Coach yourself  - pay attention to why I am what I am thinking and believing before I try to help others. How can I get to a place of peace? What am I worried, upset, stressed about anyway? Work? Drama? Family? Kids ?Am I just tired? Frustrated? Is it just the day-to-day challenges of life? "When you have kids it’s like a bird pecking at your head nonstop..." (HA!!) Find empowered thinking, coach yourself. Where do other's feeling come from? From what they're thinking. Where do MY feelings come from? From what I'M thinking! Release yourself from the obligation to control others thinking and feelings. We can offer love. LOVE works for almost every situation. LOVE without need for reciprocity or acceptance of my love. LOVE with empathy listening, and support. LOVE without conditions, expectations, or requirements.

Good stuff!