Perspective

Well, another day with Corey gone, another day that I didn't get to talk with him or message him for more than 4 minutes. I'm feeling a bit sad and pouty about it at the present moment. Yesterday we talked for 3 minutes before he said he had to go collapse from jet lag and busy work exhaustion... "We'll talk tomorrow". I wanted to know what was up, so logged onto his email to see if I could glean any details about it. But my biggest take away from that was that Corey must be very busy. He's got a lot on his plate. I feel a bit helpless to help him, all I can do is pray I guess. Which is a good thing to realize again. It all really is out of my hands. But I think if I was in his shoes I'd go hide in a corner and cry, just seems like he's got a thousand things going on. It's gotta be a lot to manage. I'm glad he's built for it. He breaks down crying from being home with the kids for too long, but that I can handle. I'm built for this and I hope he's built for all the responsibilities he's got on his shoulders. Again, I think it would make me crumble. Good article on the mentality of an entrepreneur here, and I totally love this picture from that same post, I think it's an accurate representation...

"... many of those entrepreneurs harbor secret demons: Before they made it big, they struggled through moments of near-debilitating anxiety and despair--times when it seemed everything might crumble. It's like a man riding a lion. People think, 'This guy's brave.' And he's thinking, 'How the hell did I get on a lion, and how do I keep from getting eaten?"

It's kinda hard to see your sweetheart risking his life riding around on a hungry man eating lion and not be able to do anything about it other than "Good luck, sweetie!" So today he called and we talked for a few minutes, but then the kids wanted a turn and we didn't talk again. I wanted to know details of how things were going, but there was too much and he was mentally exhausted (Mars & Venus advises that men generally don't like to decompress by talking about their day, unlike women. I could rambled on about everything on my mind here, but he pretty much already knows what my days are like, so even though it's been taken up a notch with school and with him gone, I didn't think it necessary to share....) SO... the kids took the phone, I thought I'd have a chance to talk again, I cleaned the kitchen while Lily told him about the first day of kindergarten... "I never even went to the principal's office for being bad for TWO DAYS!!!" and Hyrum and Joseph asked questions about music (they have Caleb Band Auditions coming up the day Corey and Ethan get back) and when Joseph came back he had hung up the phone, he said Corey had some work to do quickly and to skype him in 10 minutes. I finished loading the dishwasher and sweeping and wiping the counter and found this message when I came to the computer:

Sweetie, I was going to talk with you again, but too much to do. I love you. Lets try again tomorrow if we can - though busy day.
hotel event tomorrow. Please pray for a good turnout. i love you!
goodnight sweetie. I'll pray for you and us. Good night. love you

He'd gone to bed and I missed him.  So that's that. It does make me feel though that if we can't connect and I can't talk with him, I'd rather just not even try. I'd like to go back to the mission days where I trust to get a letter once a week, and don't think about it until then. Yes, I might just pretend we're back in time 20 years and we don't have internet or skype or cell phones. I think it will be easier.

But maybe I'll stop my pity party. It's not so bad, this isn't Valley Forge. And I am also going to remember my great grandmother Mary Williamson Hibbert. Maybe I'll tell about her tomorrow, good to get that story on the blog here for family history purposes. But in a nutshell, she took care of 14 children and ran the farm while her husband Ambrose served a mission to England TWICE, for 2+ years each time. Should give me some proper perspective for these two weeks, right? Yes.