Melodie is 17!

We had a really fancy party for Melodie's birthday tonight. We sent out invitations and everything. The dress was formal.

Just kidding. That wasn't for a birthday party. The kids had a concert at the school tonight. They are a good looking bunch, don't ya think? For the real party, most of the kids were gone, but Mel was home. My mom came over with gifts, so we sang and she enjoyed her cake with the little kids before Mel had to leave for rehearsal. Her younger siblings were glad it was finally cake time, cause they had already been waiting ALL day. 

Natalie his very - pink cake! 17 candles Mel... you're getting up there! Happy birthday to you! Natalie wanted a better view and even helped blow out the candles.

I love Owen's little head. I had given Mel her birthday present from me 10 days early - an academic planner.

Yes, those are technically for mothers, but Mel is a mother at heart. And she is smarter than me, cause she just puts white out over the pages of things she doesn't need and makes them into something that is helpful to her. She received money and crafty things and I think was a good birthday. Lucky Mel is finally going to get her drivers license! Her driving test is scheduled for next week. She's almost ready to launch. Hope you had a good day Mel.

My day was good cause I took care of some tasks that had been bugging me. I took Natalie with me to Home Depot and got a tree stand and a toilet handle for the two current things that made me feel like our life is falling apart. Bugging me item #1 - our tree that won't stand up. One of the legs of the stand broke last week. I tried to fix it with hot glue. It worked for about 24 hours. When we came home from church on Sunday (after I was already feeling a little miffed at our not together life) we walked into the house to see the tree crashed over again. Joseph was behind me and saw it - "Mom, the tree is broken..." and I replied "Just like our life..." I had noticed it myself, but as each kid entered the house from the garage door, they each saw it and then made it a point to seek me out and make me aware. "Yes, thank you, I know." "Yes, thank you." So, I left it leaning again the wall on Sunday, then that night took it apart in half and attempted to gather the scattered ornaments.

There already were/are ornaments scattered everywhere in our house. May I introduce culprit #1 -

And the rest of his posse -

I'm sure one of these little kiddos is the reason the tree fell apart anyway. So today I got a stand for a real tree at Home Depot. Sophi helped me get it ready, while Owen pretended to help do something on the tree.

I broke off the rest of the legs of the tree to before my first try at fitting it in the new base. Unfortunately, the thin trunk of the artificial tree did not fit in this base made for a real tree. So I had to get creative. A few sports balls from the dollar store and I sawed some small blocks of wood, and voilà, we have an upright tree, yay.

The second thing that had been bugging me for a few months was our broken toilet handle. It didn't to back down to plug the tank, so for a few months we've had to remind the kids to fix the handle. This past week, it totally broke and we couldn't move it, so I had to take off the tank lid and any user of the bathroom had to pull the chain. The little kids found the inside of the tank very interesting. But they didn't want to touch it. So I've been walking in to find a bunch of unflushed stuff. I'm glad I got that checked off now, I finally fixed that today, thank you YouTube. Good bye old handle.

I also looked around Home Depot at the dishwashers. We've needed a new one since we moved here and it's really gotten pathetic the past few months. I think it's gonna happen soon. 

I'm excited to have buttons on top where our button and dial happy baby Daniel can't reach it. He likes to turn on the dishwasher. Also, if we cook something at the stove top, we have to put on the handle and take it off after turning on the gas, cause Daniel has a radar antennae or something and always goes straight for it. He's turned the gas on a few times, isn't that right Daniel?

Yeah, you messy sticky freeze dried strawberry boy. One last thing, it's been fun to get cards and surprise treats from neighbors, like this one tonight. We have many blessings.

We haven't done it for a few years but I hope to make Christmas popcorn or to get something to give out this year to share our love.

Santa's Lap

In the spirit of the season, here are some cute pictures of the kids on Santa's Lap from this past Friday night, December 8th, at our church ward's Christmas party. First Sophi, who was very happy to meet Santa Clause

Next Natalie - who is pretty pleased as well, if you couldn't tell.

Boy she just cuddled up to him, it was precious.

Owen, when his opportunity came to meet St. Nick, behaved exactly as predicted...

Lily, still sporting her short curls from the wax museum and with a super cute smile!

Daniel, the toddler of the house that does not freak out at strangers, started at Santa and studied him.

Yep, everything is safe here. What else is going on? D was calm and cool, as predicted - see how Daniel handled the gorilla on Halloween!

Grandpa Wride wanted a turn!

And Abi, she must really like Santa clause cause he (or grandpa) made her laugh so hard she actually showed her teeth! We love your smile, and we'll get those braces for ya soon.

Church and Temple Square

This morning I woke up, as I do every Sunday morning, and started to wake up little kids and get them dressed and ready for church. All by myself as usual, trying not to feel resentful again, but I was. Around 8:10, like every Sunday morning, I made my first attempt to wake up the teenagers. When they all continued to lay there like dead people, I just got fed up. I decided "Fine. You guys can sleep. So can your father. (I was feeling a bit feisty) You're all grown up and responsible, you're awake enough to know it's time to get up and go to church, not like you haven't hear all your little sisters and brothers squawking and screaming for the past 40 minutes, you know it's time to get up. I'm sick of it, it's not my job, we'll just leave without you." I closed their doors so they wouldn't hear any more of our bustling to get ready. When I closed the door on Wesley and Hyrum's room, Wes heard it click and thought "This is weird..." and he quickly got up. I told him yes, I was going to leave without you. And I am leaving without them. I'm not going to nag them to get up today. I'm tired of it. And since I'm ticked right now, I'm not waking you guys up for school anymore either! So there. I don't even want you guys to go to public school, I wanted everyone to home school. So why am I the main person supporting this and making it happen!?!? Boo, just let them all sleep in and be tardy and absent so many times that they get bad citizenship and bad grades. They can own it themselves. So, I got the 6 kids I feel I am responsible for, plus Wesley, up and fed and hair done and ready for church, and we left on time at 8:45. Church begins at 9. If you're early, you're on time, if you're on time, you're late.

Wes is in the white shirt in the right side of the photo, ready to pass the sacrament. When we left, Corey and the 4 teenagers were all still in bed with their eyes closed. I don't know how out of it any of them were. I guessed that Corey would probably notice the quiet house and would then get up and wake the kids up and they'd arrive at church around 9:20.

When the sacrament music started, and there were 3 empty priesthood seats which could/should have been filled by my 3 boys at home, I felt pretty regretful and thought I had made the wrong decision in leaving them. Wesley turned and looked over at me like he felt sad and guilty too. Then, exceeding my expectations, Corey, Joseph, Mel and Hyrum all walked in at 9:05. Hyrum's hair was a little disheveled, Mel's hair was in a bun, Corey and Joseph looked a little bit like they'd just woken up, but I was impressed that they could get to church so fast. (...which, unfortunately, is one reason why they don't/won't get up when I tell them to, they'd rather get a few more minutes of rest and then hustle out.) I knew Ethan takes longer, he needs at least a half hour to put in his contacts and feel properly presentable. But still pretty good for a bunch of slackers! Corey drove home to get Ethan around 9:30.

After we got home at noon we talked about what happened. Corey said "I didn't expect you to leave us, you've never done that before!" Yeah, I'm tired of it, I'm not doing it anymore. You are all big enough and should be responsible enough, I'm done. I quit! If staying up late on Saturday night is more important to y'all then getting to church on time, that's your choice. If wearing contacts instead of quickly putting on glasses is more important to Eth than getting to church on time, whatever. I am tired of nagging, you guys do what you want. "Oh no" Corey said. "I've pushed you too far, I've abused my privileges and now I broke you!" No, I'm just feeling feisty. Everything is fine, I was just fed up. And despite my current mood, I'm sure that I'll be getting up at 5:30 yet again tomorrow to wake up kids and make oatmeal even though in my heart I don't want to. This house would fall apart without me. Today I kinda resent it.

So that was this morning. Tonight we went to Temple Square to see the lights tonight. It was a perfect opportunity, because Joseph was singing with the Concert choir and Madrigals at the Assembly Hall there. Joseph got a ride down with friends who picked him up from Corey's parents' house, where we had all gone to celebrate the December birthdays. Joseph left at 4:30, the concert started at 5:30. We made the mistake of not leaving the inlaws house until 5. At home we had loaded up the car with the double stroller and blankets and I grabbed hats and a box of gloves. I was glad there wasn't snow but I knew we should prepared for cold. After parking the cars at the Conference Center, we tried or best to cross the street without losing anyone. We kept counting kids as we hustled to the assembly hall. It is a very rare occasion that we all go out in public together. Corey gave me a few wide eyed expressions of "this is nuts" and made me laugh when he kissed me on the cheek and said "...If I were ever to have a dozen children, I'd have them with you." Then watching the clock he said "Come on kids! If we hurry we might get there right when it ends." We made it into the Assembly hall, up the stairs to the balcony, and the 12 of us probably making a scene as we entered... we sat down, listened to a verse of Silent Night ~ and Daniel started to squirm and fuss. And then it ended.

An announcer went to the podium and thanked the Skyline Choir and Madrigals and proceeded to announce the next group that was performing at 6:30. So we basically missed the whole 40 minute thing (Concert choir was for 20 min, then Madrigals for 20.)

The audience was invited to go outside. Ok kids, good thing we didn't take off our coats! So we got back up and headed outside where Joseph was. He asked if we saw the performance. "Yes, the last song." No problem, that is totally what I expected. Joseph knows how it is trying to get all of us out for Christmas concerts. He showed off Daniel and Natalie to his friends, he's in the red coat holding Daniel ~

Then the kids started to scatter like cats so we knew it was time to keep moving. We walked toward the Salt Lake Temple -

Pausing to listen to sister missionaries singing -

Then taking a quick kid pic! (Daniel, hold still)

Corey was taking us over to the Joseph Smith Memorial building so we could see the Light the World vending machines. Unfortunately the building was locked, so we could only peek at them through the window. I think it is such a great idea, I hope they put them in every state and all year long, not just at Christmas. I love the Church.

We walked past the the Joseph Smith Memorable Building and turned to go back to the temple. We approached the place where Corey proposed to me. Corey is funny. His sense of humor gets him out of a lot of trouble, (like after this morning.) He does make me laugh a lot. Like he did before we took this family picture. He asked the kids "Would you like to see where I asked your mom to marry me?" Ethan, in a I'm-trying-to-sound-like-a-bratty-teenager voice said "We already know the whole story Daaad!" Then Corey continued as if he hadn't heard Ethan... "This is where I took your mother's hand and said 'Someday I'd like to have eleven children, and you're the only woman who would survive it..." He makes me laugh. I think I'll keep him.

If you zoom in on that, some of us are missing our noses. Eth freaked out cause he looks like Voldemort. Then through the main street plaza and back around to the north gate, We went inside the North Visitor's Center to warm up. Watch a film, kids used the bathroom, some went outside to see the nativity narration thing, and then we headed home. We were proud that we went on an outing and didn't lose anybody, good job team.

The end.

GMS Woodwinds Recital

We didn't go out on a date last night because there was a neighborhood Christmas party at the church. I'll post that later, I need to get a few pictures off of Corey's phone. But since we missed last night we went out tonight. And it worked out nicely because Corey and I were able to go see Mel perform in a recital and it was very nice. Here is her performance ~

And here is a group picture of all the students that performed.

Afterwards we took Melodie out for her birthday dinner date. Her birthday is on Tuesday, seventeen years old. Crazy. We went out at Chuck a Rama. We decided it's not the best place for conversation on a date, since you keep getting up at different times and going back to the buffet. I ate beets, which I don't think I've eaten since forever ago when I was a kid and would totally gag on them. I'm learning how to eat my vegetables! I also allowed myself to enjoy a bit of the German Chocolate cake - I let myself have cake on birthdays. So I had it today and will skip it on Tuesday.

Mel's not coming to Chuck a Rama for any dates with boys, but she didn't mind the buffet interruptions or eating too much in front of us. So that was a nice date. She's almost 17! Three more years and she'll be TWENTY!!! And we all know how fast 3 years go by, get ready Mel, the fast train of live is coming for you. You better start a blog or make sure you're keeping things written in your journal, or you're gonna wake up in 40 years and not know what happened to you!

Lily at the Wax Museum

Today was an important day for Lily - the 3rd grade "Wax Museum!" Last night I put Lily's hair in small tight sponge rollers to make it short, just like Amelia's. Abi and Sophi wanted curlers in their hair too, so that was fun playing salon with my girls. This morning I was excited to help Lily get up and ready for her big day. First thing - take out the curlers!

We were all laughing so hard. I remember putting these kind of curlers in my hair when I was a kid. And my hair would look just like Lily's. She was a really good sport about it. I used to be so embarrassed of what my friends would think, I probably would have cried if I looked like this - just so crazy different. Her hair felt like sheep wool! But little Lily has Joseph and Wesley's confidence and she jsut laughed with us.

After breakfast we put on Lily's cap, with some curl coming out from under her pilot cap to give it just the right touch.

I helped her know to stand with one knee bent so she wouldn't faint or anything - this is gonna test the endurance of this little 8 year old! We arrived at the school early and were ready to be some of the first people to see the "statues". Corey worked from home today and came with us, Corey's parents were there too

With 4 of us adults taking pictures, this important day in Lily's life is sure to be amply recorded for her posterity.

Hey, statue! No smiling!

She was a cute little Amelia. She borrowed the jacket and cap from one of the recess ladies, her teacher let her use the scarf, the goggles were from Corey's dad, the boots were recently given to us from a neighbor as hand me downs, and Abi and I found those pants at Kid to Kid and thought they looked perfect, and they did fit her perfectly! It all came together very nicely

Lily striking a pose again after a wiggle break.

Corey visited with his parents for a bit after we had finished going through the line, and I tried to keep these kiddo under control even though they were bouncing balls into the kitchen and bugging the cafeteria workers!

They are funny kids. Parent tip for control - you gotta keep moving, cause if you stop, they won't, and it might get crazy if you don't have them in a contained space.

Daniel rolled one fo his little balls under the fridge. I didn't get it out, and didn't see the cafeteria workers at that that time, so I just left it. Someone will find it eventually. So that was the big Wax Museum. Lily was excited and it was everything she had hoped. And now it's Friday and we survived another week of school, hooray, it's the weekend! We have a Christmas party at the church tonight, I'm sure I'll take some pictures there that I can share tomorrow. December is already wizzing by, it's gonna be Christmas before we know it.

Decoration Distractions

The kids have continued to get out Christmas decorations. Abi recently put a big sconce thing on the dining table that has a lot of plastic ornaments in it. Daniel and Owen love to get the ornaments off the tree and throw them around like bouncy balls, so the big sconce is just a big temptation. Owen was getting on the table this morning to get ornaments and throw them. "No, Owen..." and he'd look at me and smile and reach for another one. So, I took it off the table up high where he couldn't get it, and he started to fuss for it. I then thought a good distraction for him and his little friend. One that I wouldn't mind as much as ornatments all over the floor: easter eggs! So now instead of a sconce with ornaments, we have trick or treat pails full of easter eggs for Owen and Daniel to play with.

Natalie is liking it too. We're having a big holiday mix-up around here!

A neighbor recently gave these to us. She was getting rid of them and remembered how much Natalie was admiring her daughters pink pumpkin bucket this past Halloween. Very thoughtful of her. So that's what the kids have been playing with today. Eggs all over in every room.

The house is a mess, but that's okay. December is a beast all it's own and I'm not fretting about being on top of the housework until the tree and all it's clutter is put back away. I'll probably put it away on December 26 or 27th. Does that make me a scrooge? I need to try a little harder to get into the Christmas spirit.

What else? One more thing - last night Corey shared this 60 minutes video with me and the kids, about a man from South Africa named Brett Archibald who fell overboard during the night when he was sea sick and he was lost at sea for 28 hours before being rescued. Corey's story for the kids was about how he faced the things that were obstacles to him. First a reef shark showed up and was checking him out. His first reaction was one of fear, but then he thought - "A reef shark! It's going to swim back toward a reef! I'm gonna grab him and ride him back to the reef where I will be able to stand up and wave for help!" As it was though, he was just a small head bobbing in the ocean that no one could see. As he was floating on his back later, some seagulls came upon him and started going after his eyes. At first he was just trying to fend them off, then he decided to go on the attack - I'm gonna catch one and I can drink it's blood for food. So, Corey's story for the kids was - when problems come at attack us, don't hide from them, but try to be like Brett and think of how you can use those problems to survive. (Though not sure how to face jelly fish?) Great interview here - Part 1 and Part 2 - "We all worry about the wrong things. Friends, family and faith - that's all that matters." Incredible story.

It goes along nicely with some things I learned during the courage challenge about fear. Holly had a little acronym that I liked - Fear can mean two things: Forget Everything And Run! ...or... Face Everything And Rise. And one more talk about fear was this BYU devotional talk given by BYU President Worthen in September titled "Fear Not". It was excellent! I especially liked the story about Sheri Dew and trying out for the basketball team - under point #3.

Of course, might not be the best analogy for us (business wise) cause neither of those plans worked out for Brett anyway, doh! And he was like an hour from death (from salt water and swollen tongue). It really was a miracle he survived. It will be a miracle when we get out from under the weight of this business burden. Though it was very appropriate that last night we were talking about seagulls and it was just one year, again on December 6, after we discovered the BLR Yoda Seagulls video. Now when I think of Seagulls poking at yoda's head, I'll think of this guy.  Darn seagulls, stop it!

Vegan 2017 - The Film

I'm in the zone with diet and weight this week. It feels really good to feel like I'm living according to my own standards, how I wish and want to live but sometimes it's just hard. And on those days that it's hard to resist treats or "normal food" as my kids call it, I kinda beat myself up with negative self-talk in my head. I watched this video on Monday, got me super inspired to eating right. I was this girl last year after Daniel was born. If I was her right now I'd just be 2 months away from the end of my goal. I'm not going to join any competition, but I do have a goal to be that lean and defined. She's inspired me that I can do it. I watched a lot of her other videos on Youtube - she says it's 90% diet, 10% exercise. And of that 10% exercise, it's 7% weights and 3% cardio. I can do that! I'm in the zone with diet, so I can do this! Just watched this video. Good stuff! Go Vegan!

Hmm, curious... my post last Wednesday was on Vegan stuff too. The week before that I shared vegan stuff it was on a Tuesday, I seem to get on this soapbox every week - maybe I'll try to save any Plant-based preaching for Wednesday and limit myself to one soap-box post a week. We'll it "Vegan Vednesday" - say it like Dracula. We'll try to turn him into a vegan too

Mittens

It snowed this morning, the first snow of the season. I saw the snow forecast on my phone last night and was worried that we'd get totally dumped on, which would be sad for me because we don't have a snowblower at the moment. And the kids are always running late, which means they would be busy trying to get out the door and would not have time to help me shovel. Thankfully it wasn't very deep, just an inch. So I shoveled the driveway by myself at 6:30 before Joseph left. It's late start Monday, but the seminary had a morning side with Al Fox that he went to. Then it snowed another half an inch before the rest of the kids left at 8. So I got to shovel the whole thing again. Abi was nice and came out and helped me that time. So we're breaking out the snow boots and snow pants and gloves and hats and coats and scarves and etc etc! Where to store all the winter clothing, that is the dilema of the day. As we got the winter stuff out of storage, I found two little mittens that I got for Owen last year and we put them on little Daniel! And he thinks they are super fun! He's been walking around the house clapping and grabbing things and opening and closing his fist, super cute!!!

He makes us laugh! Oh it's fun having these little people in our life. I love it. He was busy toddling around and being goofy until the television turned him into a trance.

Ok, time to turn this tv off and go eat dinner. (We love you Daniel!)

2nd of December 1998

Today is December 2nd! And not a year goes by without me remembering December 2nd and what happened on this day. Here is a picture of the moment I had dreamed of for over 3 1/2 years...

Although for the first 3 years of that three and a half years I didn't know the day would be December 2nd. I just knew it was going to be a loooong time. So, you see, Many years ago, 1995 to be precise, a boy named Corey and a girl named Tiffanie were very much in love. But they were young, and Corey had a priesthood responsibility to fulfill. Back then, young men served missions at 19 years old, not at 18 like today. So he turned in his papers to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Here he is after he was "set apart" as a missionary. aka - no more girl hugs! Thus the "at an arms distance" picture.

In July of 1995 he left for the Missionary Training Center (MTC). "Back then" your family and freinds could enter the MTC with you. I got to go with Corey and help him with his luggage.

And two months after that he was on his way to Santiago Chile. "Back then" your friends and family could go into the airport and walk right up to the gate to bid you farewell.

And here I am taking a picture with Corey's family. The picture above and the one below were the final pictures that I kept in my photo album and looked at, longingly for 3 years, trying to remember that moment from so long ago.

So with Corey, it was MTC in June, then September 12, 1995 at the airport (thank you to my old film camera for the date on the photo!) That was the last time we saw each other. 1995 goes by, we wrote many letters. 1996 and 1997 go by. I was sure he was still a real person, but one, then two years into it and it all just kinda started to feel like a dream. At one point for several months, I was working 4 jobs to save money so I could serve a mission. "Back then" girls had to wait until 21 years old to serve, unlike 19-year-old sister missionaries today. Corey encouraged me to go, mostly cause he knew if he didn't steer me in that direction, I might take that to mean that he was asking me to stay, which would most likely mean I was planning on getting a diamond ring from him shortly after his return. And Corey wasn't ready for that kind of pressure! He already felt obligated enough, poor kid. Although, in my defense and now with 11 children born to us, I like to blame my "Corey obsession" on the kids. I think in their premortal realm they followed me around and sang like a choir of angels in my head and heart every time I saw Corey. So I leave on a mission to Tempe Arizona, Spanish speaking. I enter to the MTC in May of 1997 for 2 months to learn Español.

I leave for Arizona at the beginning of July 1997. Get this - Corey comes home from Chile mid July, just weeks later! Yeah, we just barely missed seeing each other! I think it was a blessing, but I was also totally bummed. So we kept writing letters and sending packages (this was in the days before email was the standard form of missionary communication). And once I was a missionary, I knew the time between transfers and I was able to kinda figure out when I'd be released. It was supposed to be on November 18th if I was to serve 18 months, but our mission transfers were November 4th or December 2nd. I was super excited to go home and be with Corey, but for some reason I decided to stay the extra two weeks. And then, the big day finally came. I remember waking up that morning in slight disbelief that the day had come. I remember being on the plane, in awe that I was going to actually see Corey!!!!!  I would see him in an hour! And then I did see him. He drove to the airport with my family so we could drive home together. We stayed and visited for a little while and he asked if I was busy that night. We went out on a date after I was released from full time missionary service - we wet to temple square to deliver a package to a sister missionary from Arizona who was serving here in SL. Being together with Corey again was as wonderful as I had remembered. It was like we just picked up where we had left off (hence us getting married just over 2 months later!) It was like we'd never been apart, even though we both knew we had been, we had just been apart for THREE AND A HALF FREAKING YEARS!! And that it was really hard!! I'm grateful now, mostly cause it's behind me and I never have to do that again. I think that going through that hard long trial might be something that has helped us to have a strong marriage. So anyway, yeah, December 2nd, that was the day my life with Corey began again.

O Christmas Tree

Abi wanted to put up the Christmas tree last week after Thanksgiving. I told her we couldn't do it yet... it's got to either snow or atleast be December before the tree goes up. There hasn't been any snow, but since it is now December, I had to give in. So the kids brought up the tree and put it up. We also have a white tree that we usually put in the side room, but I told the kids we have to wait on that until we fix the overload of furniture in that room which has been there since Corey moved out of this office two months ago. Wow, time goes by quickly. Anyway, the little kiddos are super excited! Natalie has already been sleeping under the tree in her room.

We put some mini trees in their room earlier this week. Natalie slept under that and in the morning there was a present - a toothpaste box, unwrapped, with a note that said "To Natalie From Santa (aka Lily) Ho ho ho!" Inside were some plastic gems that the kids have been playing with. Natalie was excited. Today she was asking if it was Christmas yet.

Santa is not coming yet sweetie. But atleast we're "ready" now! So you little kids can put your minds at ease!

We'll see how long the ornaments last - they have to make it through a whole month of being down within toddler grabbing reach. The kids pull them off and play catch with them (little kids) or break them for no reason at all other than seeing if their powerful hands are strong enough to crush the glittery plastic ball (Ethan). Corey is working late tonight, I went to the temple and struggled to stay awake the whole time. I just can't sit still or the battle with weariness begins. I'm find during the day cause I stay up and moving. But sometimes I have to slap myself or call a friend to talk if I'm driving cause I get drowsy. And definitely no sitting still in a room with the lights off like in the temple. Ugh. 

Business wise - probably shouldn't share this here, I don't know, but it's the truth of our life - Corey took out a loan yesterday with horrible interest to pay for some business bills. I said successful/rich business people are successful cause they know when to say when, when their efforts have been enough and they need to stop giving more. But Corey said he's not doing this for the money, he's doing this cause he's tired of making excuses - giving excuses as to why he's not paying bills and employees. So the answer again is more debt for us. I really do feel like we're stuck in the ocean, waiting to die a slow and possibly painful death with no rescue ship in sight. Yeah, I'm sure we'll still be alive as this holiday month ends and another calendar year begins, cause that's what's happened every other end of the year. And I think that someday this business won't be the source of stress and worry. But still, ugh. Maybe that's why I'm feeling like such a scrooge. Hard to focus on giving when I'm all stuck in my head with worry and wondering how we'll get by. I know I need to get outside of myself and help lead our children in giving of ourselves (but that's kinda all you do as a parent for your kids all day every day anyway...) and I want to do the Light the World thing, but it's probably going to be just simple things cause we're just getting by - with $, time management, and previous commitments. Happy December, we'll see if we can make it one to remember and not just one of surviving the holiday. :/