I was in tears a few times yesterday at church. As we sang Silent Night, and I looked in Owen's face, I imagined the feelings that must have been in Mary's heart. "Holy infant, so tender and mild..." Oh my little Owen is so tender and mild, just like I imagine the Christ child would have been. "Radiance beams from thy holy face~ with the song of redeeming grace!" There is just something that makes me feel a little closer to heaven when I have a baby to hold at Christmas time.
The previous Sunday, Dec 13th, I had a few quiet moments to study. I held Owen, the snow was piling up outside. It felt like Christmas time and I felt at peace.
I have been feeling pretty tender all month. I was holding Owen as I read this beautiful message in the Ensign magazine by Elder Christofferson, one of the Lord's apostles in these last days.
Another quote from his article: "I hope you will take time this Christmas season to sit for a few quiet moments and let the Savior’s Spirit warm you and reassure you of the worthiness of your service, your offering, and your life."
It was nice to hold Owen and ponder on that thought and message, and let the Savior's spirit warm and reassure me.
I really loved that message, cause I was in need of a little reassurance... I felt a little discouraged as I sat in a chair and fed Owen as I watched BYUtv (something the two of us do a lot!).... I was feeling a bit sad as I watched a recent Turning Point episode for the Free Wheelchair Mission. I teared up as usual from watching it (gosh, almost every one of those shows makes me cry! Eagle Eyes probably has the most - the first little girl they show in the very opening clip, Elizabeth, has big brown eyes that look so much like Sophi... yep, can always make me cry) but this time instead of feeling inspired to go to work, I felt a little sad, feeling like I can't get out there and try to make a difference in the world. I am happy to be at home with my kids, but every now and then I feel like I'm just selfishly living a my normal life with my family and not really making a difference for others. I guess that happens when I'm tempted to feel like all the things I do as a mother in my own family don't count, or my children don't count as my fellow man for some reason? So it was good to have this reminder by Elder Christofferson, that I am doing what I can, it's the offering I've been called to give, one only I can give, and it is worthy service to give to my Lord and Savior. I know one day I will look back and marvel at how quickly it passed... I know I will miss it so much. Trying to savor these too few quiet moments with my babies.
I also love this quote by Elder Holland - "When the Savior comes, I so want to be caught living the gospel. I want to be surprised right in the act of spreading the faith and doing something good." I was thinking of that recently as I sat in the front room just holding Owen with Sophi and Natalie playing on the floor in front of me. I looked out the window at the Salt Lake Valley, imagining seeing the Lord coming in the sky. Somehow he comes right to us in our home, into the room where the four of us are, and I know he would be happy and pleased to see me being a mother to the beautiful children he's entrusted to my care. Of such is the kingdom of heaven!
I'm so blessed to have so much of the kingdom of heaven in my home.
