my own preaching that I was going off on yesterday about how I have absolutely nothing to complain about, (right SELF?!?!) Boo-hoo, I have a warm coat and good shoes and roof over my head but I have to walk for 20 minutes in the cold weather to a nice school that my children have the privilege of attending. Walk 20 minutes in the windy cold vs. live in a bombed out country with 12 children scavenging for food to survive. Yet here I was, murmuring once again. Mostly the lack of our car frustrates me cause it reminds me of how I'm loosing hope in/for the business and there still is no relief or end in sight (cause the guy Corey gave it to just moved here from Brazil, and he lent Corey $ so Corey could pay some of his Brazil employees, and his friend needs Corey to pay it back so he can buy a car here, so Corey thought he'd buy himself some more time by just letting him borrow our car) So, it's annoying and makes me think grumpy things about the business and how it appears to be a big money pit... So, yeah, I was murmuring, and I was mad at myself for murmuring... I usually do get frustrated with myself for being ungrateful. So we walked to the school and it was really cold and windy and my hand was super cold cause I was eating a cold apple and couldn't put my hand in my pockets cause I had to hold it to eat it! I had to hold it, of all things!! Tough life I got, right!? So. We got to school. We went to see Sophi's class first. We passed by this picture of Sophi in the hall -
I like colorful things! So conferences were nice, the school was warm, the kids teachers are great, the girls are doing great. It was a good distraction to get me out of my bad attitude. I was hoping we'd see someone who could give us a ride home, but when we were done and on our way outside, the wind had stopped and it was a rather pleasant walk. And I was able to count is as my goal #5 for the day, yay! I'm checking off my goals. So as we walked back home, I thought about how Holly said that I shouldn't beat myself up for having mad thoughts, cause they are just thoughts, but I do need to get them out, let them move on, I shouldn't own them or keep them. Holly said thoughts are like clouds, just let them float by. She also quoted Dr. Laura - you can't stop a bird from landing on your head, but you shouldn't let it build a nest. I googled that to try to find the exact quote and look at that - google attributes the quote to Martin Luther!
Abi said she'd help me be able to go to Costco. I took Owen with me so that he wouldn't get in Corey's way as he tried to work more. Abi gave her word to watch Daniel. Ok, I didn't tell Corey I was leaving, I just snuck out and hoped he'd not get interrupted and would keep working and might not even notice I was gone. Into the car. As I drove, my alarm to pray and say my affirmations went off at 7:30. I said some of my usual ones, but the one that really resonated was "I am calm, I am clear" and I just said that over and over on my 14 min drive there. Soon I actually was calm and I was able to breathe again. I know that I do have everything I need. I sang the Greatest Showman "The Greatest Show" which lately in my mind has been about all of us Children of God getting ready to come to earth, for the moment we've waited for. It's everything we want, it's everything we need, to prove ourselves and learn what we need to learn. We're working and climbing up these mortal stairs, getting the clinical lab experiences we need to become like our Father in Heaven.
natural man out of my soul, it's a lot of work. I'll keep working at it, keep fighting those nagging negative thoughts that fly overhead. I won't own them and let them nest in my hair. Shoo them away and replace them with good things that I choose - I am calm, I am clear, I have everything that I need.